grabbed his wallet and keys from the kitchen counter and headed toward the front door. When he got to the door, he spun around and glared at my mother. “I’ve loved you, provided for you, was faithful to you throughout our twenty-three years of marriage. And now I find out—from a fucking blood test no less—that you’ve been screwing countless other men for over twenty years and the son I’ve loved for the last nineteen years isn’t even mine!”
“Don’t blame this on me! You were never home! A woman has her needs too! There’s only so much shopping and spending time at the country club a person can take before they’re bored out of their mind!”
“You disgust me that you can turn your infidelity and lies around and make it my fault.” My father shook his head as he grimaced and opened the front door. “I don’t ever want to see you again. You’ll hear from my lawyer!”
With that, I watched my father of nineteen years storm out.
I slumped back onto the couch in the living room, unable to take in everything that had just happened. I felt the room whirl around me as I realized that everything I’d thought I’d known about my parents and my life had been an illusion built on a lie that had just shattered everything in my life. This moment reminded me of something that had happened when I was just five. I had been playing cops and robbers with Annie, my nanny. I had been the robber and had been running from room to room while Annie chased after me. I remembered laughing in sheer delight as I ran as fast as my tiny feet would take me. While I was running past the living room, I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going and accidentally knocked over a metal ornament from a side table. The sharp end of the item hit against the floor-to-ceiling window that ran along one side of the room, leaving a small crack. I rubbed my tiny fingers against the glass to feel the crack, and suddenly, the tiny, barely noticeable spider-vein-sized crack began to expand under the pressure of my fingers. Annie rushed to my side and pulled me away just in time as the entire wall of glass came crashing down and shattered onto the hardwood floor.
And as I sat here on the couch in the same living room that the wall of glass had shattered into a million pieces fourteen years ago, I realized that my mom’s infidelity was like that spider-vein-sized crack. No one had known it’d existed but her, and for the last twenty years, we had lived like a happy family. But then tonight, without any notice, that spider vein grew and spread, and before I’d known what was happening, everything I’d thought I’d known about my life had shattered into pieces.
Only with this spider vein crack, Annie wouldn’t be able to rush to my side and protect me from getting hurt by the shattered pieces. The truth had come crashing down on me. It had destroyed my life. It had destroyed me.
***
Present Day
I stepped on the gas when I merged onto Interstate 80 and felt the power of the engine roar into life.
“Damn, they don’t make engines like this anymore!” I said to myself. I leaned my seat back as I enjoyed the vibration of the engine against me. Buying a vintage car was the last thing I’d thought I’d ever do, but when I saw a ‘For Sale’ flyer for this 1967 Ford Mustang in the bar yesterday, I’d felt like I had to have it. It was a spontaneous thing to do, and I’d needed something to help me blow off some steam. I’d been frustrated and on edge for the past two weeks and I’d needed a distraction.
I rolled down my window and brushed my hair back as a gust of cold morning wind hit against my face. I focused on keeping my mind clear. I’d been trying to think about anything but her. I shifted in the driver’s seat and switched the radio to a classic rock station, blasting the music up so loud I couldn’t hear myself think.
But it was hopeless. It didn’t help. There was one and only one thing on my mind: Alexis. I
“Don’t blame this on me! You were never home! A woman has her needs too! There’s only so much shopping and spending time at the country club a person can take before they’re bored out of their mind!”
“You disgust me that you can turn your infidelity and lies around and make it my fault.” My father shook his head as he grimaced and opened the front door. “I don’t ever want to see you again. You’ll hear from my lawyer!”
With that, I watched my father of nineteen years storm out.
I slumped back onto the couch in the living room, unable to take in everything that had just happened. I felt the room whirl around me as I realized that everything I’d thought I’d known about my parents and my life had been an illusion built on a lie that had just shattered everything in my life. This moment reminded me of something that had happened when I was just five. I had been playing cops and robbers with Annie, my nanny. I had been the robber and had been running from room to room while Annie chased after me. I remembered laughing in sheer delight as I ran as fast as my tiny feet would take me. While I was running past the living room, I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going and accidentally knocked over a metal ornament from a side table. The sharp end of the item hit against the floor-to-ceiling window that ran along one side of the room, leaving a small crack. I rubbed my tiny fingers against the glass to feel the crack, and suddenly, the tiny, barely noticeable spider-vein-sized crack began to expand under the pressure of my fingers. Annie rushed to my side and pulled me away just in time as the entire wall of glass came crashing down and shattered onto the hardwood floor.
And as I sat here on the couch in the same living room that the wall of glass had shattered into a million pieces fourteen years ago, I realized that my mom’s infidelity was like that spider-vein-sized crack. No one had known it’d existed but her, and for the last twenty years, we had lived like a happy family. But then tonight, without any notice, that spider vein grew and spread, and before I’d known what was happening, everything I’d thought I’d known about my life had shattered into pieces.
Only with this spider vein crack, Annie wouldn’t be able to rush to my side and protect me from getting hurt by the shattered pieces. The truth had come crashing down on me. It had destroyed my life. It had destroyed me.
***
Present Day
I stepped on the gas when I merged onto Interstate 80 and felt the power of the engine roar into life.
“Damn, they don’t make engines like this anymore!” I said to myself. I leaned my seat back as I enjoyed the vibration of the engine against me. Buying a vintage car was the last thing I’d thought I’d ever do, but when I saw a ‘For Sale’ flyer for this 1967 Ford Mustang in the bar yesterday, I’d felt like I had to have it. It was a spontaneous thing to do, and I’d needed something to help me blow off some steam. I’d been frustrated and on edge for the past two weeks and I’d needed a distraction.
I rolled down my window and brushed my hair back as a gust of cold morning wind hit against my face. I focused on keeping my mind clear. I’d been trying to think about anything but her. I shifted in the driver’s seat and switched the radio to a classic rock station, blasting the music up so loud I couldn’t hear myself think.
But it was hopeless. It didn’t help. There was one and only one thing on my mind: Alexis. I
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