slender for those clothes. It was
either learn to sew or wear men’s clothes for the rest of my life.”
“But now you like it?” he asked.
“As I got better at it, I started to like it. I had a lot of fun fixing up my little
house in Texas. Some of the moms of the girls I taught hired me to make
their prom dresses for them. I even made wedding dresses for some of
those girls a few years later,” she told him. “It’s nice to be able to do
something that’s appreciated. There’s no way I’d have been able to buy an
off the rack wedding dress in my size.”
“I guess that makes sense,” he agreed.
Once they were home, he changed into some work clothes and went out to
do the evening’s milking while she took inventory in the kitchen to find
something that she could cook for dinner that night. There wasn’t much to
choose from. He hadn’t lied about living on frozen dinners, sandwiches,
and frozen burritos. It was too late to get any shopping done, but she put it
on her mental to-do list for tomorrow. For tonight, they’d have to make do
with sandwiches.
As she started scrubbing off the kitchen counters and cleaning out the
microwave, she realized that this was the first time she’d been alone for
more than ten minutes since the wedding. As she thought back over the
last few days, she wondered what the future would hold. She knew she
could be content to keep house and make love with Jason every night, but
she wasn’t sure if she could be truly happy without his love.
She was so deeply in love with him it hurt. Could she love him, and not be
loved in return without being miserable?
*****
Before that week, Amanda had no clue how many hours per day a farmer
actually worked. Jason explained that summers were the busiest time of
the year, but freely admitted that he worked a whole lot of hours no matter
what time of year it was. She quickly began to feel like the only time she
got to see her husband was when they were eating and when they were
making love.
She had never been one to think she needed to be around other people at
all times, but the quiet on the farm started messing with her head at times.
She made sure that she always kept a list of what they needed from town
posted on the refrigerator, and when she needed to see another human,
she would head into town, grocery shop, and meet Stephanie for lunch.
They’d been married for around a month, when Amanda realized she was
going insane from the quiet again, so she invited Stephanie and the kids
out to the farm for lunch that day. When Stephanie arrived without the
children, Amanda was thrilled. She’d finally have a chance to talk to her
friend privately.
After gushing over all the work done on the house, Stephanie pulled
Amanda down onto the couch with her. “Well?” she asked.
“Well what?” asked Amanda.
Stephanie rolled her eyes. “I need to hear how everything is going. You
seem happy with Jason.”
Amanda blushed. “Jason and I get along great. He’s really everything that I
was hoping for.”
Stephanie smiled brightly. “I was hoping you’d feel that way!”
“Yeah, he’s really wonderful.” She paused for a moment looking down at
her hands. “I just hope I can keep him from finding out how much I love
him.”
“He is wonderful, and… What?” Stephanie got a confused look on her
face as Amanda’s words finally sank in. “Why would you not want to love
your husband?”
Amanda shook her head staring at the floor.
“Amanda! Why?”
“I honestly don’t think I could stand it if he knew how I felt, and he never
had any feelings for me,” she whispered.
Stephanie stared at her. “Why do you think he doesn’t love you?”
Amanda shook her head, tears starting to fall. “No one ever has. I’ve
known for years that I’m just one of those people that can be loved by
friends, but not romantically.”
“Are you serious?” Stephanie asked incredulously.
Amanda nodded, her
either learn to sew or wear men’s clothes for the rest of my life.”
“But now you like it?” he asked.
“As I got better at it, I started to like it. I had a lot of fun fixing up my little
house in Texas. Some of the moms of the girls I taught hired me to make
their prom dresses for them. I even made wedding dresses for some of
those girls a few years later,” she told him. “It’s nice to be able to do
something that’s appreciated. There’s no way I’d have been able to buy an
off the rack wedding dress in my size.”
“I guess that makes sense,” he agreed.
Once they were home, he changed into some work clothes and went out to
do the evening’s milking while she took inventory in the kitchen to find
something that she could cook for dinner that night. There wasn’t much to
choose from. He hadn’t lied about living on frozen dinners, sandwiches,
and frozen burritos. It was too late to get any shopping done, but she put it
on her mental to-do list for tomorrow. For tonight, they’d have to make do
with sandwiches.
As she started scrubbing off the kitchen counters and cleaning out the
microwave, she realized that this was the first time she’d been alone for
more than ten minutes since the wedding. As she thought back over the
last few days, she wondered what the future would hold. She knew she
could be content to keep house and make love with Jason every night, but
she wasn’t sure if she could be truly happy without his love.
She was so deeply in love with him it hurt. Could she love him, and not be
loved in return without being miserable?
*****
Before that week, Amanda had no clue how many hours per day a farmer
actually worked. Jason explained that summers were the busiest time of
the year, but freely admitted that he worked a whole lot of hours no matter
what time of year it was. She quickly began to feel like the only time she
got to see her husband was when they were eating and when they were
making love.
She had never been one to think she needed to be around other people at
all times, but the quiet on the farm started messing with her head at times.
She made sure that she always kept a list of what they needed from town
posted on the refrigerator, and when she needed to see another human,
she would head into town, grocery shop, and meet Stephanie for lunch.
They’d been married for around a month, when Amanda realized she was
going insane from the quiet again, so she invited Stephanie and the kids
out to the farm for lunch that day. When Stephanie arrived without the
children, Amanda was thrilled. She’d finally have a chance to talk to her
friend privately.
After gushing over all the work done on the house, Stephanie pulled
Amanda down onto the couch with her. “Well?” she asked.
“Well what?” asked Amanda.
Stephanie rolled her eyes. “I need to hear how everything is going. You
seem happy with Jason.”
Amanda blushed. “Jason and I get along great. He’s really everything that I
was hoping for.”
Stephanie smiled brightly. “I was hoping you’d feel that way!”
“Yeah, he’s really wonderful.” She paused for a moment looking down at
her hands. “I just hope I can keep him from finding out how much I love
him.”
“He is wonderful, and… What?” Stephanie got a confused look on her
face as Amanda’s words finally sank in. “Why would you not want to love
your husband?”
Amanda shook her head staring at the floor.
“Amanda! Why?”
“I honestly don’t think I could stand it if he knew how I felt, and he never
had any feelings for me,” she whispered.
Stephanie stared at her. “Why do you think he doesn’t love you?”
Amanda shook her head, tears starting to fall. “No one ever has. I’ve
known for years that I’m just one of those people that can be loved by
friends, but not romantically.”
“Are you serious?” Stephanie asked incredulously.
Amanda nodded, her
Similar Books
