toy that Janie handed her. “What was the deal with that guy downstairs?”
He hesitated.
She prodded, “Gracie just said he was a hothead and you didn’t want him to scare Janie.”
“He mistook me for someone else. Someone he knew from the past.”
She nodded, the lump in her throat back as Janie held her arms out to be picked up and Ethan began to dab antibiotic ointment on her cuts.
He shook his head. “It just made me more awarethat my past, my work with the Bureau, all ties into this somehow. There are people out there who wouldn’t hesitate to kill me. Or you, if you got in the way.”
Kelsey drew in a breath. It wasn’t fair for him to shoulder the blame. “You’re not the bad guy here. The people who did this to you and to these children, those are the bad guys, not you.”
He looked down at her feet, holding them in his hands, the gesture strangely intimate. “Maybe, but if I hadn’t been working undercover, Amy and Charlie wouldn’t have been targets. There’s no way to undo that.”
She knew too well the pain of trying to undo the past, of what-iffing everything. If her parents hadn’t been in Rwanda, if her village hadn’t been on that particular highway, if … if … if.
“I know how you feel.” At his sharp look, she said, “I do, Ethan. But all the what-ifs in the world can’t undo what happened. The only thing you can do is move forward and live your life in a way that would make them proud.”
Ethan turned aside, reaching for a bandage, and for a second she thought she’d made a big mistake. But she didn’t know how to be any other way than straightforward.
He looked back, nodding slowly. “This case has dredged up feelings I didn’t remember I had. For two years I’ve been like a dead man walking. But I don’t think—I know—Amy wouldn’t want that. She was too full of life for that.”
“She sounds like a special person.”
He nodded again. “It’s hard to believe it’s been two years.” He looked up then. “I promise I’m going to do everything I can to find my son, and then I’m going to do everything I can to make sure his life is as safe and happy as it can be.”
“I think your wife would be proud of the man you are, Ethan.”
He stared at her toes, and the purple, sparkly toe-nail polish seemed a little foolish now. Of course, it had been picked by an eleven-year-old, a foster child who had won a trip to the nail salon with her by getting all As last quarter. Finally, he said, “I’m working on it.”
Janie threw herself across Kelsey’s feet into Ethan’s lap.
Kelsey smiled, even though the lump in her throat just kept getting bigger. Regardless of whatever else was going on, there were young children whose lives were forever going to be altered by the outcome of this investigation. “If we can’t leave here, how are we going to find out who Janie is? Besides the obvious need to find out her identity, it’s really the only lead we have to find Charlie.”
“I made a call last night. There’s a guy Tyler’s worked with before. He’s a whiz at technology. If there’s anything to be found, Nolan can find it. And he’ll be here this afternoon.” Ethan pulled the paper tabs off the last plastic bandage and taped it into place on the sole of her foot.
His hands were still on her feet, making it hard for her to think about anything else but the contact. Shestared at them. When he didn’t speak again, she slowly raised her eyes. They locked with his.
In the morning light, his eyes were so blue, so sincere.
“Thank you. It’s been a while since anyone’s tended a boo-boo for me.” She grinned.
“You deserve someone to take care of you. You work hard.” He gathered the paper and tube of ointment and tucked them all into the box.
She reached in her pocket for her cherry ChapStick and searched her mind for a change of subject, away from her and what she deserved or didn’t deserve. “So where is Nolan coming in from?”
“Not
He hesitated.
She prodded, “Gracie just said he was a hothead and you didn’t want him to scare Janie.”
“He mistook me for someone else. Someone he knew from the past.”
She nodded, the lump in her throat back as Janie held her arms out to be picked up and Ethan began to dab antibiotic ointment on her cuts.
He shook his head. “It just made me more awarethat my past, my work with the Bureau, all ties into this somehow. There are people out there who wouldn’t hesitate to kill me. Or you, if you got in the way.”
Kelsey drew in a breath. It wasn’t fair for him to shoulder the blame. “You’re not the bad guy here. The people who did this to you and to these children, those are the bad guys, not you.”
He looked down at her feet, holding them in his hands, the gesture strangely intimate. “Maybe, but if I hadn’t been working undercover, Amy and Charlie wouldn’t have been targets. There’s no way to undo that.”
She knew too well the pain of trying to undo the past, of what-iffing everything. If her parents hadn’t been in Rwanda, if her village hadn’t been on that particular highway, if … if … if.
“I know how you feel.” At his sharp look, she said, “I do, Ethan. But all the what-ifs in the world can’t undo what happened. The only thing you can do is move forward and live your life in a way that would make them proud.”
Ethan turned aside, reaching for a bandage, and for a second she thought she’d made a big mistake. But she didn’t know how to be any other way than straightforward.
He looked back, nodding slowly. “This case has dredged up feelings I didn’t remember I had. For two years I’ve been like a dead man walking. But I don’t think—I know—Amy wouldn’t want that. She was too full of life for that.”
“She sounds like a special person.”
He nodded again. “It’s hard to believe it’s been two years.” He looked up then. “I promise I’m going to do everything I can to find my son, and then I’m going to do everything I can to make sure his life is as safe and happy as it can be.”
“I think your wife would be proud of the man you are, Ethan.”
He stared at her toes, and the purple, sparkly toe-nail polish seemed a little foolish now. Of course, it had been picked by an eleven-year-old, a foster child who had won a trip to the nail salon with her by getting all As last quarter. Finally, he said, “I’m working on it.”
Janie threw herself across Kelsey’s feet into Ethan’s lap.
Kelsey smiled, even though the lump in her throat just kept getting bigger. Regardless of whatever else was going on, there were young children whose lives were forever going to be altered by the outcome of this investigation. “If we can’t leave here, how are we going to find out who Janie is? Besides the obvious need to find out her identity, it’s really the only lead we have to find Charlie.”
“I made a call last night. There’s a guy Tyler’s worked with before. He’s a whiz at technology. If there’s anything to be found, Nolan can find it. And he’ll be here this afternoon.” Ethan pulled the paper tabs off the last plastic bandage and taped it into place on the sole of her foot.
His hands were still on her feet, making it hard for her to think about anything else but the contact. Shestared at them. When he didn’t speak again, she slowly raised her eyes. They locked with his.
In the morning light, his eyes were so blue, so sincere.
“Thank you. It’s been a while since anyone’s tended a boo-boo for me.” She grinned.
“You deserve someone to take care of you. You work hard.” He gathered the paper and tube of ointment and tucked them all into the box.
She reached in her pocket for her cherry ChapStick and searched her mind for a change of subject, away from her and what she deserved or didn’t deserve. “So where is Nolan coming in from?”
“Not
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