The Best of Archy and Mehitabel by Don Marquis

migrated to
    the body of a cat and not even a persian or
    a maltese at that but where have you been
    lately mehitabel i asked her never mind
    archy she says dont ask no questions
    and i will tell no lies all i
    got to say to keep away
    from the movies have you been in the
    movies mehitabel i asked her never mind
    archy she says never mind all i got to
    say is keep away from those
    movie camps theres some mighty
    nice people and animals connected with them
    and then again theres some that aint i
    say nothing against anybody archy i am
    used to ups and downs no matter
    how luck breaks its toujours gai
    with me all i got to say
    archy is that sometimes a cat
    comes along that is a perfect gentleman and
    then again some of the slickest furred ones
    aint if i was a cat that was the
    particular pet of a movie star archy and
    slept on a silk cushion and had
    white chinese rats especially
    imported for my meals i would try to live
    up to all that luxury and be a
    gentleman in word and deed mehitabel i said
    have you had another unfortunate romance i am
    making no complaint against any
    one archy she says wottell archy wottell even
    if the breaks is bad my motto is toujours gai
    but to slip out nights and sing and frolic
    under the moon with a lady and then cut her
    dead in the day time before your rich
    friends and see her batted out of a studio
    with a broom without raising a paw for her
    aint what i call being a
    gentleman archy and i am
    a lady archy and i know a gentleman when
    i meet one but wottell archy wottell toujours
    gai is the word never say die
    archy its the cheerful heart that wins all i
    got to say is that if i ever get that
    fluffy haired slob down on the
    water front when some of my gang
    is around he will wish he had
    watched his step i aint vindictive archy i
    dont hold grudges no lady does but i
    got friends archy that maybe would take it
    up for me theres a black cat with one ear
    sliced off lives down around old slip is a
    good pal of mine i wouldnt want to
    see trouble start archy no real lady
    wants a fight to start over her but
    sometimes she cant hold her friends back
    all i got to say is that boob with his silver
    bells around his neck better sidestep old slip
    well archy lets not talk any more about my troubles
    does the boss ever leave any pieces of sandwich
    in the waste paper basket any more honest
    archy i would will myself to a furrier for a
    pair of oysters i could even she says eat you
    archy she said it like a joke but there
    was a kind of a pondering look in her eyes
    so i just crawled into the inside of
    your typewriter behind the wires it
    seemed safer let her hustle for a
    mouse if she is as hungry as all that
    but i am afraid she never will she
    is too romantic to work
    archy

mehitabel tries companionate marriage
    boss i have seen mehitabel the cat
    again and she has just been through
    another matrimonial experience
    she said in part as follows
    i am always the sap archy
    always the good natured simp
    always believing in the good intentions
    of those deceitful tom cats
    always getting married at leisure
    and repenting in haste
    its wrong for an artist to marry
    a free spirit has gotta
    live her own life
    about three months ago along came a
    maltese tom with a black heart and
    silver bells on his neck and says
    mehitabel be mine
    are you abducting me percy i asks him
    no said he i am offering marriage
    honorable up to date
    companionate marriage
    listen i said if its marriage

    are you abducting me percy
    theres a catch in it somewheres
    ive been married again and again
    and its been my experience
    that any kind of marriage
    means just one dam kitten after another
    and domesticity always ruins my art
    but this companionate marriage says he
    is all assets and no liabilities
    its something new mehitabel
    be mine mehitabel and i promise
    a life of open ice boxes
    creamed fish and catnip
    well i said wotthehell kid
    if its something new i will take a
    chance theres a dance or two
    in the old dame