The Black Album by Hanif Kureishi

She used to make them for Papa.
     
    Chad ( handing Shahid a plastic bag ) For you.
     
    Shahid What is it?
     
    Chad Look.
     
    Shahid ( extracting a white cotton salwar kameez ) It’s beautiful.
     
    Chad Yeah!
     
    Shahid For me?
     

    Chad Course. Put it on.
     
    Shahid Now?
     
    Riaz Yes, yes, come, Shahid – Tahira will turn her back while we help you change. 
     
    Shahid changes, helped by the others. Chad fits a white kufie (Muslim prayer cap) on him as the final act .
     
    Hat Brother, you look magnificent!
     
    Shahid Thanks, Hat.
     
    Chad How d’you feel?
     
    Shahid A little strange.
     
    Chad Strange?
     
    Shahid But good, good.
     
    Chad What do you think, brother Riaz?
     
    Riaz ( complimenting ) Now our Shahid Hasan looks a proper Muslim saint! Do you see, Tahira?
     
Tahira demurely offers Shahid the pakoras .
     
    Tahira May our very own Sher-e-Khan continue to show wisdom and strength!
     
    Riaz Have some, to mark the occasion, from the hands of your own sister.
     
    Shahid After you.
     
Hat takes a pakora from Tahira, followed by Riaz .
     
    Hat These pakoras are better than my dad’s! ( To Tahira .) Hey, you think they like spinach for Popeye?
     
    Chad You a fool, yaar, if you think saag will give you strength like Shahid’s!
     

    Tahira That inborn, cos he is a Hasan, like the Blessed Martyr’s son!
     
Riaz looks at Tahira, then at the pakora .
     
    Riaz ( to Shahid ) Your ammi made these?
     
    Shahid Yes.
     
    Riaz Are you sure?
     
    Shahid The only thing Zulma ever cooked was Chili’s … you know what.
     
    Riaz ( expansive ) Mash-a-Allah! This is a miracle. The mother of Shahid Hasan is blessed! Chad, look, look at this.
     
    He holds out the pakora on his palm for Chad and the others to consider .
     
    Chad What am I looking at, brother? I mean – it’s a very well-made pakora.
     
    Riaz Can’t you see – there, running along the length of the pakora – from right to left. Tahira – can you see it?
     
    Tahira Yes! I can make something out – dark – coming through the batter.
     
    Riaz It is aliph – the first letter of the holy language in which our blessed Koran is written. We have been granted a sign! Through Shahid here.
     
    Shahid What sign, Riaz?
     
    Riaz ( urgent ) Dr Brownlow – we have a miracle in our hands! Allah has sent a message.
     
    Shahid Is the message to carry on the vigil?
     
    Riaz The racists all know now what to expect if they continue to abuse our friend.
     

    Shahid They might return with greater force.
     
    Riaz Then we shall be ready for them, insha’Allah . But news of this miracle will bring many more people to our side for the great work yet to come. The Iranians will hear of this. And then all will see how we stand strong when the wrathful sword of Allah slices through the air of injustice Mussulmans breathe everyday in this country.
     
    Shahid I have to go – family business …
     
    Riaz ( expansive ) Of course, of course. Take Tahira with you. We will make all preparations to unveil this miracle before the unbelieving world. Chad, inform Moulana Darapuria we must meet urgently.
     
    Shahid puts his jacket on and rushes out. Tahira follows him out. Strapper is lounging by the door .
     
    Tahira Where are we going?
     
    Shahid Personal business – family, you know. I’ll be back soon.
     
    Tahira But you mustn’t be alone at this time.
     
    Shahid I will be all right.
     
    Tahira I’m really not afraid.
     
    Shahid But I’d be afraid for you.
     
    Tahira ( simpering ) You are a true Hasan!
     
    Shahid ushers her back in and walks off, followed by Strapper .
     
    Strapper I could fix you up, you know.
     
    Shahid I’m not buying anything from you.
     
    Strapper Why not? I fixed you up at the rave, didn’t I? Weren’t my shit the best you had? Straight up, we got suppliers that don’t do dirty.
     

    Shahid Listen, I got no charity, okay?
     
    Strapper Zakat .
     
    Shahid What?
     
    Strapper That’s what them Muslim brothers call