that is covered in grime and creases. He stands like someone hard of hearing, his chin tucked into his chest, eyes closed. When he speaks it is with difficulty as if the view he is reporting keeps shifting in and out of focus. As Billy watches the man presses his fingers to the sides of his head and begins with one word. Odessa. Something about the man’s voice catches the attention of the other stenographers. It is rare for them to do so but one by one they turn their heads while their own clients continue to pick their thoughts from the air. Billy finds himself shifting closer in order to better hear—
Six hundred families homeless
Stop
Some of the ruffians put their victims to death by hammering nails in their heads
Stop
Eyes gouged out, ears cut off, tongues wrenched out with pincers
Stop
Number of women disembowelled
Stop
The aged and sick found huddling in cellars were soaked in petroleum and burnt alive
Stop
More to follow in the am
Stop
There was a silence—the only time Billy recalled one in the public dictation room. The stenographer finished and dropped her hands to her sides. From across the room another stenographer started up but she too quickly realised her error and a few seconds later that typewriter was silent as well.
There was silence as well in the lounge of the Manchester Hotel as Billy reached the end of his account. Dave Gallaher awoke from his slumber. He removed his heavy arms from the back of the couch. It turned out he’d been listening after all. ‘All right. All right. Let me ask you all something. In a week’s time it will be Sunday at home. Overnight someone’s favourite grandmother will have died. A young boy, tragically, has drowned while crossing a flooded creek. A small girl places her hands over her ears while the old man goes outside to put a bullet through her lame horse, Rosalind. I could go on … But I’m happy to stack those examples up on one side of the ledger, and, the result of the match against Scotland on the other. Which one do you think the people at home will want to hear and read about the most?’ Dave had us there but he wasn’t finished. Encouraged by our thoughtful silence he bounced up off the couch. ‘Nope, wait. I’ve changed my mind. This is better. Let’s wipe those examples and put in Billy’s news from Russia about the slaughtering and so forth. Stack that one up against our result and given the choice which one do you think the people at home will want to hear? Which piece of news would they give up to hear the other?’
You could have heard a pin drop.
‘Exactly,’ said Dave.
One more word on this subject.
That night Alec McDonald hears Mister Dixon with an English official in the foyer discussing Russia and the sinking of its Imperial fleet in the Sea of Japan. Alec hears Mister Dixon say, ‘More than a thousand Russians out of their element, drifting in downward fashion to the sea bed.’ And the Englishman’s reply: ‘Doesn’t bear thinking about.’
We began to notice
variously
attempts to ascend the greasy pole
In Rouen, a barber held his head under a bowl of water
while his ‘assistant’ stood by with a stopwatch
In Leigh, a piqued ex-Royal Guardsman sacked for inattentiveness
entered his fifth day of standing upright
In America
a white horse dived from a sixty-foot platform
into a tank filled with water
In Paris, 49,999 guests
sat down to lunch in le Galérie des Machines
to a banquet organised by
Le Matin
newspaper
Nine miles of tables, 3500 waiters
165,000 plates and 13 tonnes of food were provided
A Midlands toolmaker swallowed a 2lb bag of nails
In a pub garden in Kent
a beekeeper
entered his fourth day
of staying buried alive
In Paris, a young man hoping to impress
a young woman
crashed
into the Seine on his paper wings
From Dublin, a vegetarian set off to cycle to Persia
It amused Jimmy Duncan. Over his plate of mashed potatoes Jimmy shook his head.
‘You really have to wonder,
Six hundred families homeless
Stop
Some of the ruffians put their victims to death by hammering nails in their heads
Stop
Eyes gouged out, ears cut off, tongues wrenched out with pincers
Stop
Number of women disembowelled
Stop
The aged and sick found huddling in cellars were soaked in petroleum and burnt alive
Stop
More to follow in the am
Stop
There was a silence—the only time Billy recalled one in the public dictation room. The stenographer finished and dropped her hands to her sides. From across the room another stenographer started up but she too quickly realised her error and a few seconds later that typewriter was silent as well.
There was silence as well in the lounge of the Manchester Hotel as Billy reached the end of his account. Dave Gallaher awoke from his slumber. He removed his heavy arms from the back of the couch. It turned out he’d been listening after all. ‘All right. All right. Let me ask you all something. In a week’s time it will be Sunday at home. Overnight someone’s favourite grandmother will have died. A young boy, tragically, has drowned while crossing a flooded creek. A small girl places her hands over her ears while the old man goes outside to put a bullet through her lame horse, Rosalind. I could go on … But I’m happy to stack those examples up on one side of the ledger, and, the result of the match against Scotland on the other. Which one do you think the people at home will want to hear and read about the most?’ Dave had us there but he wasn’t finished. Encouraged by our thoughtful silence he bounced up off the couch. ‘Nope, wait. I’ve changed my mind. This is better. Let’s wipe those examples and put in Billy’s news from Russia about the slaughtering and so forth. Stack that one up against our result and given the choice which one do you think the people at home will want to hear? Which piece of news would they give up to hear the other?’
You could have heard a pin drop.
‘Exactly,’ said Dave.
One more word on this subject.
That night Alec McDonald hears Mister Dixon with an English official in the foyer discussing Russia and the sinking of its Imperial fleet in the Sea of Japan. Alec hears Mister Dixon say, ‘More than a thousand Russians out of their element, drifting in downward fashion to the sea bed.’ And the Englishman’s reply: ‘Doesn’t bear thinking about.’
We began to notice
variously
attempts to ascend the greasy pole
In Rouen, a barber held his head under a bowl of water
while his ‘assistant’ stood by with a stopwatch
In Leigh, a piqued ex-Royal Guardsman sacked for inattentiveness
entered his fifth day of standing upright
In America
a white horse dived from a sixty-foot platform
into a tank filled with water
In Paris, 49,999 guests
sat down to lunch in le Galérie des Machines
to a banquet organised by
Le Matin
newspaper
Nine miles of tables, 3500 waiters
165,000 plates and 13 tonnes of food were provided
A Midlands toolmaker swallowed a 2lb bag of nails
In a pub garden in Kent
a beekeeper
entered his fourth day
of staying buried alive
In Paris, a young man hoping to impress
a young woman
crashed
into the Seine on his paper wings
From Dublin, a vegetarian set off to cycle to Persia
It amused Jimmy Duncan. Over his plate of mashed potatoes Jimmy shook his head.
‘You really have to wonder,
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