years, I’ve noticed that the people who are really happy are the ones who take risks, sure, but they look ahead first. Not looking for excuses to stay on the shore, but looking to see how deep the water is. As I’ve learned (shamefully slowly) to copy their example, I’ve found it makes me happier, too. I get what I want, and without paying as heavily for it as I often used to.
* The answer, if you’re wondering, is several years.
R U L E 2 1
I’ve been gullible in the past. Friends have said, “Come in, the water’s lovely! Join us in this business venture/vacation/game.”
And I’ve just jumped in without looking. Funnily enough, sometimes it’s turned out that the water is actually cold, murky, muddy, clammy. And invariably wet. Ugh! I’ve also had friends ask me to support them in ways that I haven’t thought through. There’s an instinct to help your friends when they’re in trouble, but sometimes a loan that isn’t repaid is more than you can afford. Or putting in time to listen to their troubles invades so much of your life that your family suffers.
So whether you’re jumping off that bridge with a friend or on your own, just check the depth first. The water may indeed be lovely, but sometimes it’s better to stand on a bank and dip a toe in, or paddle about a bit, so you have a better idea what it is you’re jumping in to.
S O M E T I M E S I T ’ S B E T T E R
TO S TA N D O N A B A N K A N D
D I P A TO E I N ,
O R PA D D L E A B O U T A B I T.
R U L E 2 2
Don’t Dwell on the Past
Whatever the past was, it’s gone. There is nothing you can do to change anything that has gone before, and so you must turn your attention to the here and now. It is hard to resist the allure of dwelling on what has gone before. But if you want to be successful in your life, you have to turn your attention to what is happening for you right now. You might be tempted to dwell on the past because it was awful or because it was wonderful. Either way, you have to leave it behind because the only way to live is in the present.
If you’re revisiting the past because of regrets, then you need to be clear that you can’t go back and undo what you’ve done.
If you hang on to guilt, you’re only damaging yourself. We’ve all made bad decisions that have adversely affected people around us that we professed to love but whom we treated dis-gracefully. There isn’t anything you can do to wipe the slate clean. What you can do is to resolve not to make such bad decisions again. That’s all anyone can ask of us—that we acknowledge where we messed up and are trying our hardest not to repeat the pattern.
If the past was better for you and you hanker after your glory days, then learn to appreciate the memories but also move on and put your efforts into finding a different kind of good time right now. If it truly was better back then (take off those rose-tinted spectacles for a minute), maybe you can analyze exactly why—money, power, health, vitality, fun, youth. Then move on to find other avenues to explore. We all have to leave good stuff behind and find new challenges, new areas to inspire us.
R U L E 2 2
Every day that we wake up is a fresh start, and we can make of it what we want, write what we want on that blank canvas.
Keeping that enthusiasm going can be tough—a bit like trying to take up exercise. The first few times are impossibly hard, but if you persevere, then one day you find you’re jogging, walking, swimming without conscious effort. But getting going is really tough and requires immense powers of concen-tration, enthusiasm, dedication, and perseverance to keep at it.
Try to see the past as a room separate from the one you live in now. You can go in there, but you don’t live there anymore.
You can go visit, but it isn’t home any more. Home is here now. Each second of this present is precious. Don’t waste any drops of precious time by spending too much time in that old room. Don’t
* The answer, if you’re wondering, is several years.
R U L E 2 1
I’ve been gullible in the past. Friends have said, “Come in, the water’s lovely! Join us in this business venture/vacation/game.”
And I’ve just jumped in without looking. Funnily enough, sometimes it’s turned out that the water is actually cold, murky, muddy, clammy. And invariably wet. Ugh! I’ve also had friends ask me to support them in ways that I haven’t thought through. There’s an instinct to help your friends when they’re in trouble, but sometimes a loan that isn’t repaid is more than you can afford. Or putting in time to listen to their troubles invades so much of your life that your family suffers.
So whether you’re jumping off that bridge with a friend or on your own, just check the depth first. The water may indeed be lovely, but sometimes it’s better to stand on a bank and dip a toe in, or paddle about a bit, so you have a better idea what it is you’re jumping in to.
S O M E T I M E S I T ’ S B E T T E R
TO S TA N D O N A B A N K A N D
D I P A TO E I N ,
O R PA D D L E A B O U T A B I T.
R U L E 2 2
Don’t Dwell on the Past
Whatever the past was, it’s gone. There is nothing you can do to change anything that has gone before, and so you must turn your attention to the here and now. It is hard to resist the allure of dwelling on what has gone before. But if you want to be successful in your life, you have to turn your attention to what is happening for you right now. You might be tempted to dwell on the past because it was awful or because it was wonderful. Either way, you have to leave it behind because the only way to live is in the present.
If you’re revisiting the past because of regrets, then you need to be clear that you can’t go back and undo what you’ve done.
If you hang on to guilt, you’re only damaging yourself. We’ve all made bad decisions that have adversely affected people around us that we professed to love but whom we treated dis-gracefully. There isn’t anything you can do to wipe the slate clean. What you can do is to resolve not to make such bad decisions again. That’s all anyone can ask of us—that we acknowledge where we messed up and are trying our hardest not to repeat the pattern.
If the past was better for you and you hanker after your glory days, then learn to appreciate the memories but also move on and put your efforts into finding a different kind of good time right now. If it truly was better back then (take off those rose-tinted spectacles for a minute), maybe you can analyze exactly why—money, power, health, vitality, fun, youth. Then move on to find other avenues to explore. We all have to leave good stuff behind and find new challenges, new areas to inspire us.
R U L E 2 2
Every day that we wake up is a fresh start, and we can make of it what we want, write what we want on that blank canvas.
Keeping that enthusiasm going can be tough—a bit like trying to take up exercise. The first few times are impossibly hard, but if you persevere, then one day you find you’re jogging, walking, swimming without conscious effort. But getting going is really tough and requires immense powers of concen-tration, enthusiasm, dedication, and perseverance to keep at it.
Try to see the past as a room separate from the one you live in now. You can go in there, but you don’t live there anymore.
You can go visit, but it isn’t home any more. Home is here now. Each second of this present is precious. Don’t waste any drops of precious time by spending too much time in that old room. Don’t
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