The Case of the Bone-Stalking Monster by John R. Erickson

It’s kind of amazing.”
    â€œAnd you say you’re rich, huh?”
    â€œOh yes ma’am, fabulously rich. I hardly know what to do with all my fortune.”
    Her brows twitched. “I think I can help. I wonder if you could hop your bad self up here in my pickup?”
    â€œYou wouldn’t think me too bold or brazen?”
    She fluttered her eyelashes. “I’ll try to keep an open mind.”
    Heh, heh.
    I went into a deep crouch, went flying over the tailgate, and landed right beside her.
    She studied me with hooded eyes. “Well, here you are.”
    â€œYes ma’am, here I am.”
    â€œThat rhymes, doesn’t it?”
    â€œIt sure does. I hadn’t thought of that.” A heavy silence moved in between us. “My, this is fun, isn’t it?” I began to feel uncomfortable. “I wonder what this weather is going to do.”
    â€œI have a feeling that a storm is fixing to hit.”
    â€œOh really? I didn’t know you . . .”
    It was then that I saw the “storm” she had mentioned. It wasn’t a cloud, as you might have thought, but rather the furrowed angry face of her master, whose name was Baxter. Apparently he and Jimmy Joe Dogcatcher had finished their conversation about fishing and were ready to leave.
    He had a big black mustache and beady little eyes, Baxter did, and he was glaring at me. “Get out of my pickup, you potlicker.”
    I heard my claws scratching the bed of the pickup and I went sailing over the tailgate. I landed in a heap in the ditch. It was a little embarrassing, to tell you the truth, but hey, that guy had caught me by surprise and . . .

    I saw her looking back at me as the pickup pulled away. Her eyes were filled with sadness and adoration, and I knew that her heart was about to break.
    â€œGood-bye, Miss Scamper! We had our precious moments together and now we must part. Until our hearts are reunited, you must try to be brave.”
    Her eyes seemed to roll upward, and I heard her exclaim in a voice filled with sadness and adoration, “Oh brother.”
    Ah, what sweet words! I would carry them with me forever and ever . . . or at least for a little while. Anyways, she vanished into the sunset . . . sunrise . . . over the next hill and I was left with a huge hole where my heart used to be.
    Jimmy Joe Dogcatcher had fired up his pickup and was pulling away, heading west toward the lake. I saw Ralph’s head hanging over the tailgate. I turned on a burst of speed and caught up.
    â€œDid you see that, Ralph?”
    â€œYup.”
    â€œThat’s how you charm the ladies. The tricks softened her up and the song finished her off.”
    â€œShe looked kind of bored to me.”
    â€œBored? You don’t understand the ladies, Ralph. They try to hide their emotions.”
    â€œWell, she done that, all right.”
    â€œBut in fact, she fell madly in love with me, and I would bet that, at this very moment and even as we speak, she’s crying her eyes out.”
    â€œI’ll bet she’s fixin’ her hair.”
    â€œExactly, and learning to cope with her broken heart.”
    â€œOh brother.”
    â€œWhat? I’m falling behind, Ralph, and I guess I’ll have to sign off. Good-bye, old friend, my old prison buddy.”
    â€œSee you around, Harry.”
    â€œIt’s Hank, Hank the Cowdog. Come back again some time and I’ll give you some more tips on charming the gals.”
    â€œOr whatever.”
    â€œGood-bye!”
    â€œSo long.”
    I slowed to a walk and watched him pull away. It was kind of a touching moment, saying good-bye to an old prison . . .
    He fell out!
    The driver swerved to miss a chughole in the road, and Ralph fell out the back and landed in the ditch. His ears flew in all directions and he rolled all the way out into the horse pasture.
    And there he lay . . . motionless.
    Fearing the worst, I rushed to his side. “Ralph,