The Case of the Bone-Stalking Monster by John R. Erickson Page B

they sure h-h-hurt.”
    Wallace puffed himself up to his full height. “Son, haven’t I warned you about driving too fast? Speed kills, Junior, and the speedier you drive, the killier you get, and one of these day’s you’ll wake up dead, is what’s liable to happen.”
    â€œYeah, b-b-but . . .”
    â€œAnd son, it serves you right, crashin’ into a cactus bush, and maybe that’ll teach you to slow that thing down. Now get in here and take his vital signposts.”
    The two of them hovered over Ralph’s potsrate form. I watched, hoping for the best.
    â€œOkay, Junior, how ’bout his hoofbeat?”
    â€œY-y-you mean heartbeat?”
    â€œWhatever. Give me something, and hurry. Supper’s a-waitin’.”
    â€œW-w-well, I c-can’t f-feel much through m-my f-f-feathers.”
    â€œIn other words, he ain’t got a heartbeat. How about breathing? Is he breathing?”
    â€œW-w-well . . .”
    â€œSnake-eyes on that too, huh? How ’bout blood pressure?”
    â€œW-well, if h-his h-heart ain’t b-b-beating, P-pa, then h-he c-c-an’t have a . . .”
    â€œI read the book too, Junior, so you don’t need to be showing off like you’re an I-don’t-know-what, ’cause you ain’t.” There was a moment of silence. Then Wallace’s head came up. “Boys, I’m afraid we’ve lost him.”

Chapter Ten: The Chuckie Chipmunk Episode

    T hose words went through me like a duck out of water. Ralph and I had gone down many happy trails together, but now . . . The tragic ex­pression that had etched itself on Wallace’s ugly face suddenly vanished. All at once he didn’t look sad at all.
    â€œAnd now, pooch, it’s time for you to run along. Me and Junior will take care of all the arrangements.”
    â€œWait a minute, hold on. Since when were you involved in emergency medical work?”
    â€œSince I started chasin’ wrecks, is since when—if it’s any of your business, which it ain’t. Now run along home.”
    I gave him a stern glare. “I don’t think so, Wallace. If you’re a doctor, my name is Lulu.”
    â€œThen your name is Lulu, ’cause I got my doctor’s license from the Buzzard School of Medicine and Mortuary. We save the ones that can be saved and recycle the rest.”
    I was about to go to sterner measures when Junior said, “P-p-a, I th-think h-he’s w-w-waking up, waking up.”
    Wallace spun his head around to Junior. “Who’s waking up? Where’s he at? What are you trying to say?”
    He pointed a wing at Ralph. “The, uh uh, v-victim. Our p-p-patient!”
    â€œSon, I already told you. He’s gone. We lost him. It’s a terrible tragedy but he didn’t die envaned. We ain’t had but rabbit scraps in three . . .”
    Just then, old Ralph sat up and blinked his eyes. His gaze went from one buzzard to the other. He swallowed hard.
    â€œWell, Ma always said I’d end up here, if I didn’t change my ways, and here I am. Darn.”
    Wallace shrank back as though he’d seen a ghost, but it didn’t take him long to recover.
    â€œThere, you see that, pooch? Emergency Air­borne Medical has saved another life, yes we have, and you had the gall and the nerve to . . . Junior, we have done our job and we can be proud, very proud of our selfless devotion to duty, but life goes on and so does the rent on this stomach of mine. Let’s get back in the sky and find us a better wreck somewheres else.”
    I couldn’t help chuckling. “See you around, Doctor Buzzard.”
    â€œYou better believe it’s Doctor Buzzard, and don’t you forget who saved that friend of yours and snatched him back from the very edge of the grave, and your name is Lulu. So there!”
    They taxied into the breeze and began flapping their wings and rose into the sky.
    â€œP-p-pa,