laughed at my question, a soft, understanding chuckle. “You have a lot to learn about the man. I know enough, true. But Gideon Lightbridge isn’t the kind of man who settles for enough. He wants the best. And you’re the best when it comes to biomechanics. Well, you are now that Elijah is gone.”
I looked up to the man in question, who smiled at me as if he knew I was speaking of him. “Why did you tell him the truth about me?”
“Because I’ve lived with the guilt of what Elijah did for so long, I couldn’t help but confess it. Besides, after Lightbridge told me what he planned, I knew he needed your expertise. I can only help him so much. But you, you are just what he needs. Say you’ll join us.”
This exaggerated sense of importance to the mission fluffed my feathers a little, but not enough to change my mind. “I don’t think so.”
She moved closer to me, lowering her voice even more so that I had to strain to hear her whisper, “Philip, I urge you to think again. This single voyage could restore you to everything you had. You’ll be party to the greatest discovery since the Americas. Most people have long since forgotten your tiff with Elijah. This deed will erase what memories linger.”
“People never forget.”
“The extraordinary obliges them to forget. Do this, and you can come home with your head held high.”
We may have not spoken in years, but the woman remembered just how to toy with me. The humiliation of Goode’s thievery drove me from my home in England. To think that this single journey could restore my good name and allow me to return without disgrace was just the right carrot to tempt the mule of my broken spirit.
“I just don’t know,” I said.
She sighed again. “I can never change the way things happened, but I can help you now. Come with us, Philip. I promise it will be a journey the world will never forget.”
I agreed, reluctantly, and ignorant of how true her prediction would be.
With ample time to reflect upon my decision, I now know it was based neither upon my need for work nor my inquisitive nature. Nor did I fall into Lightbridge’s grand world of adventurers, seeking satisfaction in all things exploratory. So now, freezing to death in the cold of this hopeless wreckage, I am left to wonder why I chose to join the doomed crew in the first place.
No, again I lie.
I was well aware at the time, as I am now, of my need to prove myself. To her. To the ghost of Goode. But most of all, to myself. I had to finally crawl out from under the shadow of shame that dreadful man had cast upon me. I needed to become something more than just an out-of-work bio-mechanic. Something more than a just another jilted lover. I needed a cause to force me from the shell of my self-imposed ennui.
I needed Lightbridge.
And I would soon come to comprehend that I needed Geraldine even more.
****
back to toc
****
Eight
The Crew
I will pause here in my narrative to bestow proper respect to the men who gave their lives to this quest.
As much as I would love to identify all of them, and encourage the rest of the world to laud them for their sacrifice, the sad and shameful truth is that I cannot. Most of the men I met only in passing, and they died as no more to me than their employed positions aboard the Northern Fancy, ranks as opposed to names. Self-absorbed in my own drama as I was, I never took the time to get to know anyone beyond my immediate circle of influence. My remembering what names I did learn was but the result of convenient labeling—each man wore a name badge that relieved me of the responsibility of knowing who he was at heart. And now the few of the crew who remain gather as a mindless host beyond my door, beckoning for my attention and my warm flesh, waiting for me to finish this record so that I may join and know them at long last.
Once there was a roster of the entire crew, a heavy tome in which Lightbridge recorded not just those aboard but also the
I looked up to the man in question, who smiled at me as if he knew I was speaking of him. “Why did you tell him the truth about me?”
“Because I’ve lived with the guilt of what Elijah did for so long, I couldn’t help but confess it. Besides, after Lightbridge told me what he planned, I knew he needed your expertise. I can only help him so much. But you, you are just what he needs. Say you’ll join us.”
This exaggerated sense of importance to the mission fluffed my feathers a little, but not enough to change my mind. “I don’t think so.”
She moved closer to me, lowering her voice even more so that I had to strain to hear her whisper, “Philip, I urge you to think again. This single voyage could restore you to everything you had. You’ll be party to the greatest discovery since the Americas. Most people have long since forgotten your tiff with Elijah. This deed will erase what memories linger.”
“People never forget.”
“The extraordinary obliges them to forget. Do this, and you can come home with your head held high.”
We may have not spoken in years, but the woman remembered just how to toy with me. The humiliation of Goode’s thievery drove me from my home in England. To think that this single journey could restore my good name and allow me to return without disgrace was just the right carrot to tempt the mule of my broken spirit.
“I just don’t know,” I said.
She sighed again. “I can never change the way things happened, but I can help you now. Come with us, Philip. I promise it will be a journey the world will never forget.”
I agreed, reluctantly, and ignorant of how true her prediction would be.
With ample time to reflect upon my decision, I now know it was based neither upon my need for work nor my inquisitive nature. Nor did I fall into Lightbridge’s grand world of adventurers, seeking satisfaction in all things exploratory. So now, freezing to death in the cold of this hopeless wreckage, I am left to wonder why I chose to join the doomed crew in the first place.
No, again I lie.
I was well aware at the time, as I am now, of my need to prove myself. To her. To the ghost of Goode. But most of all, to myself. I had to finally crawl out from under the shadow of shame that dreadful man had cast upon me. I needed to become something more than just an out-of-work bio-mechanic. Something more than a just another jilted lover. I needed a cause to force me from the shell of my self-imposed ennui.
I needed Lightbridge.
And I would soon come to comprehend that I needed Geraldine even more.
****
back to toc
****
Eight
The Crew
I will pause here in my narrative to bestow proper respect to the men who gave their lives to this quest.
As much as I would love to identify all of them, and encourage the rest of the world to laud them for their sacrifice, the sad and shameful truth is that I cannot. Most of the men I met only in passing, and they died as no more to me than their employed positions aboard the Northern Fancy, ranks as opposed to names. Self-absorbed in my own drama as I was, I never took the time to get to know anyone beyond my immediate circle of influence. My remembering what names I did learn was but the result of convenient labeling—each man wore a name badge that relieved me of the responsibility of knowing who he was at heart. And now the few of the crew who remain gather as a mindless host beyond my door, beckoning for my attention and my warm flesh, waiting for me to finish this record so that I may join and know them at long last.
Once there was a roster of the entire crew, a heavy tome in which Lightbridge recorded not just those aboard but also the
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