The Demise of Guys: Why Boys Are Struggling and What We Can Do About It by Philip G. Zimbardo and Nikita Duncan
Authors: Philip G. Zimbardo and Nikita Duncan
Ads: Link
or to join their league. For adults who want to join or start a group, see if there’s already one in your local area by looking up the sport on Google, Meetup ( meetup.com ) and Sportsvite ( sportsvite.com ), or join a gym or club where you can meet people who share your interests.
If sports aren’t your thing, activities with rhythmic qualities, like singing, dancing or playing a musical instrument, are great alternatives. They also provide a powerful environment for social bonding.
Discover your inner power. In her book The Artist’s Way , writer and filmmaker Julia Cameron recommends an exercise called the morning pages, an “apparently pointless” process of writing three pages of whatever comes to mind. When writing in the morning pages, there’s no wrong way — the only requirement is that you do it every day, and do your best not to censor yourself. The morning pages will help you be less judgmental of yourself. It doesn’t matter if you don’t feel like writing or don’t have anything to say, after a while you will come in contact with an unexpected inner power: your true self. You will become more honest with yourself, discovering not only who you are but also who you want to become. And with this knowledge you become motivated to go from where you are to where you want to be. It doesn’t sound logical, but it works. And it’s not just for creative types. Everyone benefits from doing the morning pages, including lawyers, politicians and entrepreneurs. If you don’t “do” journals, try Penzu ( penzu.com ), a site that lets you store your thoughts online. 118
Make friends with some females. Become friends with a girl and make it clear that you just want to be friends — nothing more, nothing less. A lot of women never totally relax in their friendships with men because there is always the worry that someone will develop more feelings for the other and then it will become awkward, dealing a potentially fatal blow to the friendship. But if you put those fears to rest right from the get-go, it’s much easier to really get to know someone and establish trust. You can even talk about how you’ll handle the situation if someone does develop a romantic interest. You can say, “It might sound silly, but our friendship means a lot to me and I want to make sure we stay friends. If one of us develops romantic feelings for the other, let’s talk about it right away to clear the air.” By doing this, you set the standard for honest, open communication. And it’s much less awkward to say that at the beginning of a relationship than risk losing a friend later down the road due to miscommunication. Find women with whom you have one or two activities or interests in common. If you don’t know where to find these women, try using online clubs and forums or Meetup groups.
Get a mentor, be a mentor . Those who have never had a mentor often underestimate the value of having one. Places where men and boys can gather together are more necessary than ever before. Older guys should become mentors to younger guys in their family, school or workplace. As mentioned earlier, dads have got to do it. Make mentoring part of who you are. Below are recommended organizations that support this kind of environment:
National Mentoring Partnership, mentoring.org .
Boys to Men Mentoring Network, boystomen.org .
Mankind Project, mankindproject.org .
Boy Scouts of America, scouting.org .
What porn producers and distributors can do
If you run an online porn website, especially a free one, add an Education category to the 50-plus categories that already exist, streaming videos that teach men how to be more skilled lovers. Or at least involve more dialogue between actors.
Another idea is ads: The average porn video is almost 20 minutes long. If you ran a 15-second ad on safer sex practices before every video, it would take up only about 1.25 percent of the entire video’s length. If users want to skip ads, they would
If sports aren’t your thing, activities with rhythmic qualities, like singing, dancing or playing a musical instrument, are great alternatives. They also provide a powerful environment for social bonding.
Discover your inner power. In her book The Artist’s Way , writer and filmmaker Julia Cameron recommends an exercise called the morning pages, an “apparently pointless” process of writing three pages of whatever comes to mind. When writing in the morning pages, there’s no wrong way — the only requirement is that you do it every day, and do your best not to censor yourself. The morning pages will help you be less judgmental of yourself. It doesn’t matter if you don’t feel like writing or don’t have anything to say, after a while you will come in contact with an unexpected inner power: your true self. You will become more honest with yourself, discovering not only who you are but also who you want to become. And with this knowledge you become motivated to go from where you are to where you want to be. It doesn’t sound logical, but it works. And it’s not just for creative types. Everyone benefits from doing the morning pages, including lawyers, politicians and entrepreneurs. If you don’t “do” journals, try Penzu ( penzu.com ), a site that lets you store your thoughts online. 118
Make friends with some females. Become friends with a girl and make it clear that you just want to be friends — nothing more, nothing less. A lot of women never totally relax in their friendships with men because there is always the worry that someone will develop more feelings for the other and then it will become awkward, dealing a potentially fatal blow to the friendship. But if you put those fears to rest right from the get-go, it’s much easier to really get to know someone and establish trust. You can even talk about how you’ll handle the situation if someone does develop a romantic interest. You can say, “It might sound silly, but our friendship means a lot to me and I want to make sure we stay friends. If one of us develops romantic feelings for the other, let’s talk about it right away to clear the air.” By doing this, you set the standard for honest, open communication. And it’s much less awkward to say that at the beginning of a relationship than risk losing a friend later down the road due to miscommunication. Find women with whom you have one or two activities or interests in common. If you don’t know where to find these women, try using online clubs and forums or Meetup groups.
Get a mentor, be a mentor . Those who have never had a mentor often underestimate the value of having one. Places where men and boys can gather together are more necessary than ever before. Older guys should become mentors to younger guys in their family, school or workplace. As mentioned earlier, dads have got to do it. Make mentoring part of who you are. Below are recommended organizations that support this kind of environment:
National Mentoring Partnership, mentoring.org .
Boys to Men Mentoring Network, boystomen.org .
Mankind Project, mankindproject.org .
Boy Scouts of America, scouting.org .
What porn producers and distributors can do
If you run an online porn website, especially a free one, add an Education category to the 50-plus categories that already exist, streaming videos that teach men how to be more skilled lovers. Or at least involve more dialogue between actors.
Another idea is ads: The average porn video is almost 20 minutes long. If you ran a 15-second ad on safer sex practices before every video, it would take up only about 1.25 percent of the entire video’s length. If users want to skip ads, they would