his athletic shoes. “And I thought, I believed, we could work it out because we felt the same about marriage
and making a commitment to each other. I mean, otherwise we could have gone on as we were, just living together. Isn’t that
right?” He stopped. “Why did you marry me, Roxanne?”
“I love you.” His question, so simple, was really a trap; and she knew that however she replied, she’d never get it right.
“I want to spend my life with you.”
“What about kids?”
“We’ve had this conversation, Ty. You know I want us to have children.”
“And if we do, who’ll come first? Our kid or your sister?”
“Well, our child, of course. How can you even ask?”
He nodded as if his hypothesis had been confirmed. “That puts me third in line, doesn’t it?”
Panic fluttered in her throat. “This is a stupid conversation. These numbers don’t mean anything.”
“But they do, they do. Listen to me.” He took her hands in his. “All that old-fashioned stuff in the marriage ceremony? I
believe it. Sickness and health, rich and poor, forsaking all others. Those words mean a lot to me. Before we got married,
I read the ceremony a dozen times, Roxanne. I wanted to make sure I meant it when I promised to be faithful to you for as
long as I live.”
“And you’re saying I didn’t?”
“I’m saying when you made that vow you were already pledged to be faithful to Simone. You just tacked me on after her.”
“That’s so unfair.”
He seemed not to have heard her. “Your happiness, your health and well-being and all, it comes first with me. I don’t even
have to stop and think about it. If we have kids you’ll still be number one with me.”
Did he expect her praise because his priorities were simple? Did that make him a better person or just one who’d never been
tested?
He said, “If you really, powerfully, do not want me to go to Chicago, I won’t go. I’ll call them up right now and say I’ve
reconsidered and decided to stay at the Salk.”
This
was
what she wanted but admitting it would be the same as saying that she
couldn’t
leave Simone, that shewas bound heart to heart to her sister in a way that she was not to him. Even if that were true—which, of course, it wasn’t—she
wouldn’t have given him the satisfaction of hearing her say it.
“Just tell me,” he said. “Do I make the call or not?”
“Ty, it’s just not that easy. You come from a Norman Rockwell family. No big neuroses, no hidden agendas. You and your siblings
are all grown up and independent and happy.”
She knew she was exaggerating. Among Ty’s siblings there were disagreements, private grudges were held, emotional brokering
went on as it did in any family.
“I am the only person Simone completely trusts. If I let her down, she has nothing. Forget our mother, she’ll always put her
own life first. And Johnny loves an image of Simone. When she gets on his nerves or disappoints him, he leaves for the office
or goes fishing with the mayor. Or he hires another babysitter or cook or whatever. I’m the one who stands beside her no matter
how awful she is. I’m the one who always picks up the phone.”
“Well, you’ve got to stop doing that.”
Maybe. Yes. But not this weekend, not today.
Ty said, “I watch the struggle that goes on in you every time she calls. And when you talk about her—listen to your voice
sometime, Roxy—it’s like there’s this subsonic scream under your words. It’s tearing you apart, but you’ve been caretaking
Simone for so long, you don’tfeel anything. You don’t know what this relationship is doing to you, but I do. And I hate it, and sometimes I hate her.”
He dragged his hand down his face. “I know you had a weird childhood and I know you can’t get yourself untangled overnight.
But it’s gotta happen, Rox, or you and I aren’t going to make it. Even if I could accept that I’ll never be the most important
and making a commitment to each other. I mean, otherwise we could have gone on as we were, just living together. Isn’t that
right?” He stopped. “Why did you marry me, Roxanne?”
“I love you.” His question, so simple, was really a trap; and she knew that however she replied, she’d never get it right.
“I want to spend my life with you.”
“What about kids?”
“We’ve had this conversation, Ty. You know I want us to have children.”
“And if we do, who’ll come first? Our kid or your sister?”
“Well, our child, of course. How can you even ask?”
He nodded as if his hypothesis had been confirmed. “That puts me third in line, doesn’t it?”
Panic fluttered in her throat. “This is a stupid conversation. These numbers don’t mean anything.”
“But they do, they do. Listen to me.” He took her hands in his. “All that old-fashioned stuff in the marriage ceremony? I
believe it. Sickness and health, rich and poor, forsaking all others. Those words mean a lot to me. Before we got married,
I read the ceremony a dozen times, Roxanne. I wanted to make sure I meant it when I promised to be faithful to you for as
long as I live.”
“And you’re saying I didn’t?”
“I’m saying when you made that vow you were already pledged to be faithful to Simone. You just tacked me on after her.”
“That’s so unfair.”
He seemed not to have heard her. “Your happiness, your health and well-being and all, it comes first with me. I don’t even
have to stop and think about it. If we have kids you’ll still be number one with me.”
Did he expect her praise because his priorities were simple? Did that make him a better person or just one who’d never been
tested?
He said, “If you really, powerfully, do not want me to go to Chicago, I won’t go. I’ll call them up right now and say I’ve
reconsidered and decided to stay at the Salk.”
This
was
what she wanted but admitting it would be the same as saying that she
couldn’t
leave Simone, that shewas bound heart to heart to her sister in a way that she was not to him. Even if that were true—which, of course, it wasn’t—she
wouldn’t have given him the satisfaction of hearing her say it.
“Just tell me,” he said. “Do I make the call or not?”
“Ty, it’s just not that easy. You come from a Norman Rockwell family. No big neuroses, no hidden agendas. You and your siblings
are all grown up and independent and happy.”
She knew she was exaggerating. Among Ty’s siblings there were disagreements, private grudges were held, emotional brokering
went on as it did in any family.
“I am the only person Simone completely trusts. If I let her down, she has nothing. Forget our mother, she’ll always put her
own life first. And Johnny loves an image of Simone. When she gets on his nerves or disappoints him, he leaves for the office
or goes fishing with the mayor. Or he hires another babysitter or cook or whatever. I’m the one who stands beside her no matter
how awful she is. I’m the one who always picks up the phone.”
“Well, you’ve got to stop doing that.”
Maybe. Yes. But not this weekend, not today.
Ty said, “I watch the struggle that goes on in you every time she calls. And when you talk about her—listen to your voice
sometime, Roxy—it’s like there’s this subsonic scream under your words. It’s tearing you apart, but you’ve been caretaking
Simone for so long, you don’tfeel anything. You don’t know what this relationship is doing to you, but I do. And I hate it, and sometimes I hate her.”
He dragged his hand down his face. “I know you had a weird childhood and I know you can’t get yourself untangled overnight.
But it’s gotta happen, Rox, or you and I aren’t going to make it. Even if I could accept that I’ll never be the most important
Similar Books
