The Hawkline Monster: A Gothic Western by Richard Brautigan

she spoke. She looked like a guilty child about to speak.
    “Yes, it was an earlier stage of The Chemicals that ate the dog but Daddy took the stuff and flushed it right down the toilet.”
    Miss Hawkline was blushing now and staring down at the floor.

• Venice •
    Miss Hawkline got up from the chair she was sitting gravely in like a captured child and went over to the fireplace to poke the coal.
    Everybody waited for her to finish and come back to the conversation about The Chemicals, the dog being eaten, etc., and what other topics that might be of interest on July 13, 1902.
    While they waited Cameron counted the lamps in the room, 7, the chairs, 6, the pictures on the walls, 5. The pictures were of things that Cameron had never seen before. One of the pictures was of a street lined with buildings. The street was filled with water. There were boats on the water.
    Cameron had never seen a street with boats on it instead of horses.
    “What in the hell is that?” he said, pointing to the picture.
    “Venice,” Miss Hawkline said.
    Having finished with the fireplace Miss Hawkline sat back down and the conversation was resumed. Actually, something they had talked about earlier was repeated and then they went onto something else.

• Parrot •
    “If The Chemicals can change your thoughts around in your head and also steal the clothes right off your body, I think you’ve got something there that could be dangerous,” Greer said.
    “It’s the monster we’re worried about,” Miss Hawkline said.
    “Which one?” Greer said. “I think you might have two of them here. And the one behind the iron door down there in the ice caves might be the one that will give us the least trouble.”
    “Let’s go down and kill that fucker right now,” Cameron said. “Let’s be done with it and then we can think about other things if you want to think about them. I’m bored with all this talking. It’s getting us nowhere. I’ll go get the guns and then let’s go down there and do the killing. Do you know what it looks like or how big it is or what the fuck it is, anyway?”
    “No, we’ve never seen it,” Miss Hawkline said. “It just howls and pounds on the iron door that’s between the ice caves and the laboratory. We’ve kept the door locked ever since our father disappeared.”
    “What does it sound like?” Cameron said.
    “It sounds like the combination of water being poured into a glass,” Miss Hawkline said. “A dog barking and the muttering of a drunk parrot. And very, very loud.”
    “I think we’re going to need the shotgun for this one,” Cameron said.

• The Butler •
    Just then there was a knock at the front door. The knock echoed through the house and brought silence upon everybody in the parlor.
    “What’s that?” Greer said.
    “It’s somebody knocking at the door,” Cameron said.
    Miss Hawkline got up and started toward the parlor door that led into the front hall.
    “It’s the butler,” the other Miss Hawkline said, remaining in her chair.
    “The butler?” Greer said.
    “Yes, the butler,” the other Miss Hawkline said. “He’s been up in Brooks getting some things we ordered from back East for The Chemicals.”
    They heard Miss Hawkline open the front door and then her voice and another voice talking.
    “Hello, Mr. Morgan,” she said. “Did you have a good trip?”
    Her voice was very formal.
    “Yes, madam. I got all the things that you requested.”
    The butler answered her with the voice of an old man.
    “You look a little tired, Mr. Morgan. Why don’t you go freshen yourself up and then go to the kitchen and have a cup of coffee. A cup of coffee will make you feel better.”
    “Thank you, madam. I could stand to get some of this dust off me and a cup of coffee would be most refreshing after my journey.”
    “How was Brooks?” Miss Hawkline said.
    “Dusty and depressing as always,” Mr. Morgan said.
    “Was everything we ordered there?” Miss Hawkline