still wired with the encounter with Alizon Wilde and did not notice how tired her mother looked, nor that her clothes were damp.
“Alizon Wilde was here.” Vanessa informed her mother. Hettie Way did not look surprised.
“What did she want?”
“Looking for you. Out on the jetty.” Vanessa looked at her mother and did not see the dark circles beneath her eyes “Just standing out there like she owned the place when I got home.”
Hettie Way gave no answer to this, she waited for her daughter to continue.
“She’s so bloody up herself. God.” Vanessa turned and noticed, at last, that her mother was very pale.
“Avoid her. Just don’t…bother about her…”
Vanessa thought that her mother was worse than pale, she looked greenish as if she might be sick.
“Are you alright?” as Vanessa said it she was already reaching for her mother who was failing on her feet. Her mother’s weight fell against Vanessa and, amidst a flash of fear at what might be wrong, Vanessa helped her to the chair. As she did so her mother gagged violently, throwing up a cascade of lake water, of dead fish and rotting weed. Vanessa’s heart was bursting with terror but she held onto her mother as they rode out a second wave of retching; more water, a long strangling ribbon of weed slithering like a bilious green tape worm. Vanessa was shaking but her brain pushed her into a primal mode and held tight to her mother.
“It’s ok. It’s ok.” she said over and over as if saying it would make it so. An affirmation. A wish. A spell . The words printed themselves into her head. “It’s ok. It’s ok. It’s ok.” she stroked her mother’s hair as Hettie sagged back into the chair, drank in great deep breaths of air. Vanessa reached for the blanket from the sofa, wrapped her mother up. Her mother held her hand for a moment, squeezed tight.
“I’m fine. I will be alright. Don’t worry.”
Vanessa did worry. Her brain and heart were misfiring in head and chest as she reached for the mop and for the towels by the washing machine, using them to mop up the surfeit of water on the kitchen floor. Finding the broom and sweeping up the weed, slithering the fish into the dustpan.
Later, she made them tea and they sat together in the falling dark.
“What was Alizon doing here?” Vanessa asked at last, her mind recalling the image of the red woman, staring into the water. Had she pushed her mother in? Her mother looked at her. For a moment Vanessa thought she might not answer.
“Trespassing.” Hettie said and shifted in the chair, pulled the blanket up over her shoulder. “She’s a pain in the arse.”
“I told her not to come back here.”
Hettie took her hand, held it too tightly, her face looking angry.
“No. Don’t have any interaction with her. She’s dangerous. I’m warning you. Keep away.”
Vanessa felt angered. For just a brief moment she had thought that her mother might tell her something, might include her in the idea of her work as Gamekeeper, might reveal the true nature of her relationship with those bitch queens of the WI. She had felt, for just a moment, that she was going to be included and now her mother shut down that moment.
“She came here, onto the property. To our home. What was I supposed to do? Just walk in and ignore her standing out there?”
“Yes. Get inside and lock the door.” Hettie’s face looked strained. There was no give in what she was saying, Vanessa could tell, there was no negotiation possible. Her heart and head had settled into their usual rhythms but this instruction from her mother sent them reeling off again. Vanessa thought of the nights they had spent at the cottage and she had woken and heard voices or noises and always her mother had reassured her and sent her back to her room. She was too big now to be sent back to her room.
“What will she do?”
“Just leave it be. This is my job, not yours.”
“I want to help.” this was all Vanessa had ever really wanted.
“Alizon Wilde was here.” Vanessa informed her mother. Hettie Way did not look surprised.
“What did she want?”
“Looking for you. Out on the jetty.” Vanessa looked at her mother and did not see the dark circles beneath her eyes “Just standing out there like she owned the place when I got home.”
Hettie Way gave no answer to this, she waited for her daughter to continue.
“She’s so bloody up herself. God.” Vanessa turned and noticed, at last, that her mother was very pale.
“Avoid her. Just don’t…bother about her…”
Vanessa thought that her mother was worse than pale, she looked greenish as if she might be sick.
“Are you alright?” as Vanessa said it she was already reaching for her mother who was failing on her feet. Her mother’s weight fell against Vanessa and, amidst a flash of fear at what might be wrong, Vanessa helped her to the chair. As she did so her mother gagged violently, throwing up a cascade of lake water, of dead fish and rotting weed. Vanessa’s heart was bursting with terror but she held onto her mother as they rode out a second wave of retching; more water, a long strangling ribbon of weed slithering like a bilious green tape worm. Vanessa was shaking but her brain pushed her into a primal mode and held tight to her mother.
“It’s ok. It’s ok.” she said over and over as if saying it would make it so. An affirmation. A wish. A spell . The words printed themselves into her head. “It’s ok. It’s ok. It’s ok.” she stroked her mother’s hair as Hettie sagged back into the chair, drank in great deep breaths of air. Vanessa reached for the blanket from the sofa, wrapped her mother up. Her mother held her hand for a moment, squeezed tight.
“I’m fine. I will be alright. Don’t worry.”
Vanessa did worry. Her brain and heart were misfiring in head and chest as she reached for the mop and for the towels by the washing machine, using them to mop up the surfeit of water on the kitchen floor. Finding the broom and sweeping up the weed, slithering the fish into the dustpan.
Later, she made them tea and they sat together in the falling dark.
“What was Alizon doing here?” Vanessa asked at last, her mind recalling the image of the red woman, staring into the water. Had she pushed her mother in? Her mother looked at her. For a moment Vanessa thought she might not answer.
“Trespassing.” Hettie said and shifted in the chair, pulled the blanket up over her shoulder. “She’s a pain in the arse.”
“I told her not to come back here.”
Hettie took her hand, held it too tightly, her face looking angry.
“No. Don’t have any interaction with her. She’s dangerous. I’m warning you. Keep away.”
Vanessa felt angered. For just a brief moment she had thought that her mother might tell her something, might include her in the idea of her work as Gamekeeper, might reveal the true nature of her relationship with those bitch queens of the WI. She had felt, for just a moment, that she was going to be included and now her mother shut down that moment.
“She came here, onto the property. To our home. What was I supposed to do? Just walk in and ignore her standing out there?”
“Yes. Get inside and lock the door.” Hettie’s face looked strained. There was no give in what she was saying, Vanessa could tell, there was no negotiation possible. Her heart and head had settled into their usual rhythms but this instruction from her mother sent them reeling off again. Vanessa thought of the nights they had spent at the cottage and she had woken and heard voices or noises and always her mother had reassured her and sent her back to her room. She was too big now to be sent back to her room.
“What will she do?”
“Just leave it be. This is my job, not yours.”
“I want to help.” this was all Vanessa had ever really wanted.
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