still
alive.
“You’ve just gotta calm down, man.” Chris agreed in a
small voice.
I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees, and looked out on the porch.
Ray paid no attention to her as he counted his money for their bill. Eva-Marie
was gathering her bags and hurriedly wiping her eyes before the tears ran down.
I sighed as a pang of shame poked at my heart. I wanted to kick myself! Oh what
had I done? What had I become?
7. Get Over It
B irds
chirped, the wind was blowing lightly, and the sun was illuminating the city
from high up in the sky with not a cloud in sight. I was gazing up at the clear
skies with my head resting in my hand, secretly wishing it would rain or there
would be a thunderstorm. Sunny day after sunny day was growing monotonous to me
– somewhat like my life, constantly longing for a change. Most would assume I
was depressed what with desiring rainy days during the short one hundred days
of heat and sunshine; I would say they were depressed for wanting the same
scenery with no variety. The warehouse janitor, Gretchen, had been yapping the
whole time I was spaced out.
“You know what I mean, he just never notices when I’m dressed up. You should
teach me, you’re always dressed real nice and I reckon that’s what got you such
a nice man.” Gretchen’s voice broke into my daze.
Oh how I wanted to laugh because I had no clue what she was talking about.
“Excuse me, what?” I reached for my cola bottle and took a refreshing sip. We
were outside for our 30-minute lunch break in which Gretchen had spent most of
the time gabbing about…something, I’m not sure what. I definitely wasn’t sure
why she was asking me to help her with clothing – I was nineteen and she was
fifty.
She sighed and rolled her eyes. “Do you not listen, girlie?” She laughed and
tapped me on the head with a newspaper. “Everyone knows about you two.”
Gretchen laid the newspaper out in front of me and pointed.
There in plain view was a photograph of Ray and I shopping downtown, the day my parents had forced me to spend the day with him.
I picked up the paper and read aloud: “The number one African-American attorney
in Chicago, Ray Jackson, whom is pictured above, takes Eva-Marie Hutchinson,
the daughter of Ace Cigars owner, out on the town. Could make for the most
powerful African-American couple in the Midwest.” I rolled my eyes and tossed
the paper aside, chuckling when thinking how much I disliked Ray. He was everywhere ,
it was as if I couldn’t get away from him. My parents fawned over him, so much
to the point where my mother took him out for drinks – without me! I was doing
a good job at pretending for my parents but I was a complete jerk to Ray’s
face. He deserved it.
“Well what’d you do that for? That’s a fine young man that you better hold on
to.” Gretchen warned.
I scoffed. “Ray is thirty-two years old, he’s not young in any way Gretchen.”
Which was true, Ray was quite old fashion in his ways…just like my daddy.
“ Awh , you don’t know any better dear.” Gretchen shook
her head.
I looked down to check my watch, Kate had called to let me know she would be
visiting for lunch however, I didn’t see that happening with only minutes left
in my break. But to my surprise, she pulled up as I was making my way back into
the building. I stood with my hands on my hips and eyes squinted in the sun as I
waited for her.
“Good afternoon darlin’!” She waved with a bright smile.
“Great timing Kate, I’ve got to go back now.” I whined.
She glanced at her watch. “Your daddy won’t mind if I sit
alive.
“You’ve just gotta calm down, man.” Chris agreed in a
small voice.
I leaned forward, resting my elbows on my knees, and looked out on the porch.
Ray paid no attention to her as he counted his money for their bill. Eva-Marie
was gathering her bags and hurriedly wiping her eyes before the tears ran down.
I sighed as a pang of shame poked at my heart. I wanted to kick myself! Oh what
had I done? What had I become?
7. Get Over It
B irds
chirped, the wind was blowing lightly, and the sun was illuminating the city
from high up in the sky with not a cloud in sight. I was gazing up at the clear
skies with my head resting in my hand, secretly wishing it would rain or there
would be a thunderstorm. Sunny day after sunny day was growing monotonous to me
– somewhat like my life, constantly longing for a change. Most would assume I
was depressed what with desiring rainy days during the short one hundred days
of heat and sunshine; I would say they were depressed for wanting the same
scenery with no variety. The warehouse janitor, Gretchen, had been yapping the
whole time I was spaced out.
“You know what I mean, he just never notices when I’m dressed up. You should
teach me, you’re always dressed real nice and I reckon that’s what got you such
a nice man.” Gretchen’s voice broke into my daze.
Oh how I wanted to laugh because I had no clue what she was talking about.
“Excuse me, what?” I reached for my cola bottle and took a refreshing sip. We
were outside for our 30-minute lunch break in which Gretchen had spent most of
the time gabbing about…something, I’m not sure what. I definitely wasn’t sure
why she was asking me to help her with clothing – I was nineteen and she was
fifty.
She sighed and rolled her eyes. “Do you not listen, girlie?” She laughed and
tapped me on the head with a newspaper. “Everyone knows about you two.”
Gretchen laid the newspaper out in front of me and pointed.
There in plain view was a photograph of Ray and I shopping downtown, the day my parents had forced me to spend the day with him.
I picked up the paper and read aloud: “The number one African-American attorney
in Chicago, Ray Jackson, whom is pictured above, takes Eva-Marie Hutchinson,
the daughter of Ace Cigars owner, out on the town. Could make for the most
powerful African-American couple in the Midwest.” I rolled my eyes and tossed
the paper aside, chuckling when thinking how much I disliked Ray. He was everywhere ,
it was as if I couldn’t get away from him. My parents fawned over him, so much
to the point where my mother took him out for drinks – without me! I was doing
a good job at pretending for my parents but I was a complete jerk to Ray’s
face. He deserved it.
“Well what’d you do that for? That’s a fine young man that you better hold on
to.” Gretchen warned.
I scoffed. “Ray is thirty-two years old, he’s not young in any way Gretchen.”
Which was true, Ray was quite old fashion in his ways…just like my daddy.
“ Awh , you don’t know any better dear.” Gretchen shook
her head.
I looked down to check my watch, Kate had called to let me know she would be
visiting for lunch however, I didn’t see that happening with only minutes left
in my break. But to my surprise, she pulled up as I was making my way back into
the building. I stood with my hands on my hips and eyes squinted in the sun as I
waited for her.
“Good afternoon darlin’!” She waved with a bright smile.
“Great timing Kate, I’ve got to go back now.” I whined.
She glanced at her watch. “Your daddy won’t mind if I sit
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