silence. N and the Boy know and don't approve of each other, but since they live in different cities, rarely meet. 'Enough.'
'Can't imagine he's happy with it.'
'Can't imagine he has a choice,' I said, affecting more bravado than I felt. If he turns out to have major objections, I'll find something else to do.
Probably.
lundi, le 8 decembre
Booking with a banker at a hotel near Bond Street. We drank some coffee, chatted about New York briefly, then got down to business.
And, as they say, business is good.
50
He: 'That was my first anal.'
Me: 'Really? I'm surprised.' Perhaps not that surprised, since there have been more than a few first‐time anals in my past. But surprised he didn't mention it, and surprised at the spatial imagination of someone who manipulated me around his member so fluidly.
'Well, I enjoyed it.'
'I would tell you it's my first time too, but you'd know I was lying.'
He (laughing): 'So, how did I do?'
'Excellent ‐ just remember, lots of lube, and use fingers first. As you did.'
'Thanks ‐ you're too nice.'
'Well, you did all the hard work. So to speak.'
Later . . .
He: 'I don't understand why my colleagues would have an affair with some girl in the office, and risk a marriage, when they could have someone like you.'
I nodded, didn't have anything to add.
'It must be a power thing, or to show off to other men. Still,' and he shuddered slightly, in the manner of a man whose faint tan line from a removed wedding band is still visible, and he knows it, 'I just couldn't risk some little temp ringing my wife up weeks or months afterwards.'
We had time before both of our next meetings and talked about Lebanese restaurants in London (good, on the whole) and Italian ones (uniformly rubbish). Later he let slip that he had tried to book me before, when I was away. I'm glad his persistence paid off.
'Do you have a boyfriend?' he asked.
'Yes,' I said.
51
mardi, le 9 decembre
I walked into the hotel, large coat bundled tight around me. It was more insurance that none of the tools of the trade would fall out than protection against the sharp weather. The client undressed while I laid out the things he had requested: blindfold, The Persuaders, choke chain collar and nipple clamps.
'I've never done this before,' he said, eyeing the whips.
Doubtful. Still, his fantasy, not mine. 'I'll be gentle with you, then,' I said. I was lying, and we both knew it.
We were finished in exactly an hour. Sometimes the job seems too easy to be believed.
mercredi, le 10 decembre
Grumpy; nothing coherent to write. Have a list instead.
Love: a spotter's guide
Love at First Sight: the overwhelming desire to see the inside of the nearest closet (pub toilet, friend's back garden, the alleyway over there).
True Love: can be introduced to the family without un-reasonable fear of embarrassment (on the part of the family).
Everlasting Love: a polyamorous couple who haven't had sex with each other in years.
Love Match: an alliance between kingdoms.
The Love of Your Life: the indolent boy from your last year at uni, who spent eight hours a day online and ate 52
all the Nutella, the memory of whom somehow improves with time.
In Love: a momentary instance of being almost as interested in someone else as in oneself.
Loving: capable of untold amounts of suffocation.
Motherly Love: capable of untold amounts of suffocation.
Brotherly Love: forbidden by the moral laws of most world religions.
Lover: the one who comes round when your partner's 'out of town on business' (read: seeing his lover).
Loveable: cuddly. In the pejorative sense (similar to 'shapely legs', which is code for chubby).
Lovely: only just bearable ('That was a lovely party! I do hope you take me to Kettering again!').
Love Potion: about the only thing, at this point, that might incite the Boy to call. I'm getting lonely up here.
jeudi, le 11 decembre
N gave me a lift home. He had already eaten and I was beyond tired. I made a sandwich for
'Can't imagine he's happy with it.'
'Can't imagine he has a choice,' I said, affecting more bravado than I felt. If he turns out to have major objections, I'll find something else to do.
Probably.
lundi, le 8 decembre
Booking with a banker at a hotel near Bond Street. We drank some coffee, chatted about New York briefly, then got down to business.
And, as they say, business is good.
50
He: 'That was my first anal.'
Me: 'Really? I'm surprised.' Perhaps not that surprised, since there have been more than a few first‐time anals in my past. But surprised he didn't mention it, and surprised at the spatial imagination of someone who manipulated me around his member so fluidly.
'Well, I enjoyed it.'
'I would tell you it's my first time too, but you'd know I was lying.'
He (laughing): 'So, how did I do?'
'Excellent ‐ just remember, lots of lube, and use fingers first. As you did.'
'Thanks ‐ you're too nice.'
'Well, you did all the hard work. So to speak.'
Later . . .
He: 'I don't understand why my colleagues would have an affair with some girl in the office, and risk a marriage, when they could have someone like you.'
I nodded, didn't have anything to add.
'It must be a power thing, or to show off to other men. Still,' and he shuddered slightly, in the manner of a man whose faint tan line from a removed wedding band is still visible, and he knows it, 'I just couldn't risk some little temp ringing my wife up weeks or months afterwards.'
We had time before both of our next meetings and talked about Lebanese restaurants in London (good, on the whole) and Italian ones (uniformly rubbish). Later he let slip that he had tried to book me before, when I was away. I'm glad his persistence paid off.
'Do you have a boyfriend?' he asked.
'Yes,' I said.
51
mardi, le 9 decembre
I walked into the hotel, large coat bundled tight around me. It was more insurance that none of the tools of the trade would fall out than protection against the sharp weather. The client undressed while I laid out the things he had requested: blindfold, The Persuaders, choke chain collar and nipple clamps.
'I've never done this before,' he said, eyeing the whips.
Doubtful. Still, his fantasy, not mine. 'I'll be gentle with you, then,' I said. I was lying, and we both knew it.
We were finished in exactly an hour. Sometimes the job seems too easy to be believed.
mercredi, le 10 decembre
Grumpy; nothing coherent to write. Have a list instead.
Love: a spotter's guide
Love at First Sight: the overwhelming desire to see the inside of the nearest closet (pub toilet, friend's back garden, the alleyway over there).
True Love: can be introduced to the family without un-reasonable fear of embarrassment (on the part of the family).
Everlasting Love: a polyamorous couple who haven't had sex with each other in years.
Love Match: an alliance between kingdoms.
The Love of Your Life: the indolent boy from your last year at uni, who spent eight hours a day online and ate 52
all the Nutella, the memory of whom somehow improves with time.
In Love: a momentary instance of being almost as interested in someone else as in oneself.
Loving: capable of untold amounts of suffocation.
Motherly Love: capable of untold amounts of suffocation.
Brotherly Love: forbidden by the moral laws of most world religions.
Lover: the one who comes round when your partner's 'out of town on business' (read: seeing his lover).
Loveable: cuddly. In the pejorative sense (similar to 'shapely legs', which is code for chubby).
Lovely: only just bearable ('That was a lovely party! I do hope you take me to Kettering again!').
Love Potion: about the only thing, at this point, that might incite the Boy to call. I'm getting lonely up here.
jeudi, le 11 decembre
N gave me a lift home. He had already eaten and I was beyond tired. I made a sandwich for
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