The Jeeves Omnibus by P. G. Wodehouse

Master Dwight was sceptical concerning this claim. But at this moment Mr Stoker threw oil upon the troubled waters by announcing his intention of hiring the troupe of negro minstrels to perform at the party. It appears that his lordship had mentioned their presence in Chuffnell Regis.’
    ‘And that went well?’
    ‘Very well, indeed, sir. Except that Master Seabury said that he betted Master Dwight had never heard negro minstrels before. From a remark passed shortly afterwards by her ladyship, I gathered that Master Dwight had then thrown a potato at Master Seabury; and for a while a certain unpleasantness seemed to threaten.’
    I clicked my tongue.
    ‘I wish somebody would muzzle those kids and chain them up. They’ll queer the whole thing.’
    ‘The imbroglio was fortunately short-lived, sir. I left the whole company on what appeared to be the most amicable terms. Master Dwight protested that his hand had slipped, and the apology was gracefully received.’
    ‘Well, bustle back and see if you can hear some more.’
    ‘Very good, sir.’
    I finished my sandwiches and half-bot, and lit a cigarette, wishing that I had told Jeeves to bring me some coffee. But you don’t have to tell Jeeves things like that. In due course, up he rolled with the steaming cupful.
    ‘Luncheon has just concluded, sir.’
    ‘Ah! Did you see Miss Stoker?’
    ‘Yes, sir. I informed her that you desired a word with her, and she will be here shortly.’
    ‘Why not now?’
    ‘His lordship engaged her in conversation immediately after I had given her your message.’
    ‘Had you told him to come here, too?’
    ‘Yes, sir.’
    ‘No good, Jeeves. I see a flaw. They will arrive together.’
    ‘No, sir. On observing his lordship making in this direction, I can easily detain him for a moment on some matter.’
    ‘Such as –?’
    ‘I have long been desirous of canvassing his lordship’s views as to the desirability of purchasing some new socks.’
    ‘H’m! You know what you are when you get on to the subject of socks, Jeeves. Don’t get carried away and keep him talking for an hour. I want to get this thing over.’
    ‘I quite understand, sir.’
    ‘When did you see Miss Stoker?’
    ‘About a quarter of an hour ago, sir.’
    ‘Funny, she doesn’t turn up. I wonder what they’re talking about?’
    ‘I could not say, sir.’
    ‘Ah!’
    I had observed a gleam of white among the bushes. The next moment, the girl appeared. She was looking more beautiful than ever, her eyes, in particular, shining like twin stars. Nevertheless, I did not waver in my view that I was jolly glad it was Chuffy who, if all went well, was going to marry her, and not me. Odd, how a girl may be a perfect knock-out, and yet one can still feel that to be married to her would give one the absolute pip. That’s Life, I suppose.
    ‘Hallo, Bertie,’ said Pauline. ‘What’s all this about your having a headache? You seem to have been doing yourself pretty well, in spite of it.’
    ‘I found I could peck a bit. You had better take these things back, Jeeves.’
    ‘Very good, sir.’
    ‘And you won’t forget that, if his lordship should want me, I’m here.’
    ‘No, sir.’
    He gathered up the plate, cup and bottle and disappeared. And whether I was sorry to see him go or not, I couldn’t have said. I was feeling a good deal worked up. Taut, if you know what I mean. On edge. Tense. The best idea I can give you of my emotions at this juncture is to say that they rather resembled those I had once felt when starting to sing ‘Sonny Boy’ at Beefy Bingham’s Church Lads entertainment down in the East End.
    Pauline had grabbed my arm, and was beginning to make some species of communication.
    ‘Bertie,’ she was saying –
    But at this point I caught sight of Chuffy’s head over a shrub, and I felt that the moment had come to act. It was one of those things that want doing quickly or not at all. I waited no longer. Folding the girl in my arms, I got home on