marriage?’
Bill brightened. This, he felt, was more the stuff.
‘I think it’s an extraordinarily good egg. Always provided, of course, that the male half of the sketch is getting someone like you.’
‘Never mind the pretty speeches. Shall I tell you how I feel about it?’
‘Do.’
‘I feel that unless there is absolute trust between a man and a girl, they’re crazy even to think of getting married, because if they’re going to hide things from each other and not tell each other their troubles, their marriage is bound to go on the rocks sooner or later. A husband and wife ought to tell each other everything. I wouldn’t ever dream of keeping anything from you, and if it interests you to know it, I’m as sick as mud to think that you’re keeping this trouble of yours, whatever it is, from me.’
‘I’m not in any trouble.’
‘You are. What’s happened, I don’t know, but a short-sighted mole that’s lost its spectacles could see that you’re a soul in torment. When I came in here, you were groaning your head off.’
Bill’s self-control, so sorely tried today, cracked.
‘Damn it all,’ he bellowed, ‘why shouldn’t I groan? I believe Rowcester Abbey is open for being groaned in at about this hour, is it not? I wish to heaven you would leave me alone,’ he went on, gathering momentum. ‘Who do you think you are? One of these G-men fellows questioning some rat of the Underworld? I suppose you’ll be asking next where I was on the night of February the twenty-first. Don’t be such an infernal Nosy Parker.’
Jill was a girl of spirit, and with girls of spirit this sort of thing soon reaches saturation point.
‘I don’t know if you know it,’ she said coldly, ‘but when you spit on your hands and get down to it, you can be the world’s premier louse.’
‘That’s a nice thing to say.’
‘Well, it’s the truth,’ said Jill. ‘You’re simply a pig in human shape. And if you want to know what I think,’ she went on, gathering momentum in her turn, ‘I believe what’s happened is that you’ve gone and got mixed up with some awful female.’
‘You’re crazy. Where the dickens could I have met any awful females?’
‘I should imagine you have had endless opportunities. You’re always going off in your car, sometimes for a week at a stretch. For all I know, you may have been spending your time festooned with hussies.’
‘I wouldn’t so much as look at a hussy if you brought her to me on a plate with watercress round her.’
‘I don’t believe you.’
‘And it was you, if memory serves me aright,’ said Bill, ‘who some two and a half seconds ago were shooting off your head about the necessity for absolute trust between us. Women!’ said Bill bitterly. ‘Women! My God, what a sex!’
On this difficult situation Jeeves entered, bearing a glass on a salver.
‘Your whisky and soda, m’lord,’ he said, much as a President of the United States might have said to a deserving citizen ‘Take this Congressional medal’.
Bill accepted the restorative gratefully.
‘Thank you, Jeeves. Not a moment before it was needed.’
‘And Sir Roderick and Lady Carmoyle are in the yew alley, asking to see you, m’lord.’
‘Good heavens! Rory and the Moke? Where did they spring from? I thought she was in Jamaica.’
‘Her ladyship returned this morning, I understand, and Sir Roderick obtained compassionate leave from Harrige’s in order to accompany her here. They desired me to inform your lordship that they would be glad of a word with you at your convenience before the arrival of Mrs Spottsworth.’
‘Before the what of who? Who on earth’s Mrs Spottsworth?’
‘An American lady whose acquaintance her ladyship made in New York, m’lord. She is expected here this evening. I gathered from what her ladyship and Sir Roderick were saying that there is some prospect of Mrs Spottsworth buying the house.’
Bill gaped.
‘Buying the house?’
‘Yes,
Bill brightened. This, he felt, was more the stuff.
‘I think it’s an extraordinarily good egg. Always provided, of course, that the male half of the sketch is getting someone like you.’
‘Never mind the pretty speeches. Shall I tell you how I feel about it?’
‘Do.’
‘I feel that unless there is absolute trust between a man and a girl, they’re crazy even to think of getting married, because if they’re going to hide things from each other and not tell each other their troubles, their marriage is bound to go on the rocks sooner or later. A husband and wife ought to tell each other everything. I wouldn’t ever dream of keeping anything from you, and if it interests you to know it, I’m as sick as mud to think that you’re keeping this trouble of yours, whatever it is, from me.’
‘I’m not in any trouble.’
‘You are. What’s happened, I don’t know, but a short-sighted mole that’s lost its spectacles could see that you’re a soul in torment. When I came in here, you were groaning your head off.’
Bill’s self-control, so sorely tried today, cracked.
‘Damn it all,’ he bellowed, ‘why shouldn’t I groan? I believe Rowcester Abbey is open for being groaned in at about this hour, is it not? I wish to heaven you would leave me alone,’ he went on, gathering momentum. ‘Who do you think you are? One of these G-men fellows questioning some rat of the Underworld? I suppose you’ll be asking next where I was on the night of February the twenty-first. Don’t be such an infernal Nosy Parker.’
Jill was a girl of spirit, and with girls of spirit this sort of thing soon reaches saturation point.
‘I don’t know if you know it,’ she said coldly, ‘but when you spit on your hands and get down to it, you can be the world’s premier louse.’
‘That’s a nice thing to say.’
‘Well, it’s the truth,’ said Jill. ‘You’re simply a pig in human shape. And if you want to know what I think,’ she went on, gathering momentum in her turn, ‘I believe what’s happened is that you’ve gone and got mixed up with some awful female.’
‘You’re crazy. Where the dickens could I have met any awful females?’
‘I should imagine you have had endless opportunities. You’re always going off in your car, sometimes for a week at a stretch. For all I know, you may have been spending your time festooned with hussies.’
‘I wouldn’t so much as look at a hussy if you brought her to me on a plate with watercress round her.’
‘I don’t believe you.’
‘And it was you, if memory serves me aright,’ said Bill, ‘who some two and a half seconds ago were shooting off your head about the necessity for absolute trust between us. Women!’ said Bill bitterly. ‘Women! My God, what a sex!’
On this difficult situation Jeeves entered, bearing a glass on a salver.
‘Your whisky and soda, m’lord,’ he said, much as a President of the United States might have said to a deserving citizen ‘Take this Congressional medal’.
Bill accepted the restorative gratefully.
‘Thank you, Jeeves. Not a moment before it was needed.’
‘And Sir Roderick and Lady Carmoyle are in the yew alley, asking to see you, m’lord.’
‘Good heavens! Rory and the Moke? Where did they spring from? I thought she was in Jamaica.’
‘Her ladyship returned this morning, I understand, and Sir Roderick obtained compassionate leave from Harrige’s in order to accompany her here. They desired me to inform your lordship that they would be glad of a word with you at your convenience before the arrival of Mrs Spottsworth.’
‘Before the what of who? Who on earth’s Mrs Spottsworth?’
‘An American lady whose acquaintance her ladyship made in New York, m’lord. She is expected here this evening. I gathered from what her ladyship and Sir Roderick were saying that there is some prospect of Mrs Spottsworth buying the house.’
Bill gaped.
‘Buying the house?’
‘Yes,
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