at the clock. What time is it?”
“Ain’t no clock up there.” She looks at her watch. “It’s twelve o’clock.”
“I wanna lay down.” My head really hurts.
“OK, you can finish your soup later.”
I gotta get outta here, go home. Go back home. I’m hungry. My shirt and jacket is all messed up—
“Come on.”
My mother’s there, back home. Follow Miss Lillie to her room.
“Don’t you want to take your jacket off before you lay down?”
“No.”
I’M CONFUSED when I wake up. I think I’m Mommy. But if I was her I wouldn’t be thinking I’m her, I would just be her. Then I think like on TV, that cartoon, the magic genie, or that TV show where you get another chance, get a wish, make it better, do it different. Mommy is not dead but in bed and like in the movie gonna change and she gonna get up and we go home or to have pizza and our life be good. We win like the Indians winned once, we win like that, I’m so glad to be in the hospital with my mother. Huh? Huh? I don’t think this guy understand, he keep asking me stupid stuff. Nothin’ happened! Me and my mother, we getting ready to get out of here. You can’t keep us here we don’t want to be here. We well. My mom is well, I won the show, I get to go back, my wish? Today is not today, it’s yesterday.
“Come on, I think you do know. Can you tell who did this to you?”
Me and my mother gonna get pizza and go to the Apollo. Don’t nobody in my class go as many places as me—“Did what! What you talking about. Leave me alone! Nothing happened.”
“J.J.? J.J.? J.J.?”
My name ain’t no stupid J.J. and I’m not a little boy—
It seems like all the light’s whiteness is pouring in my eyes and I honestly don’t remember. I’m a little boy a little boy a little boy I’m a little boy! No I don’t, don’t have to, don’t wanna remember I don’t remember. I told you once! He banged my head on the floor. The floor was black and white squares on the linoleum. I don’t remember I don’t remember. It didn’t happen.
“What didn’t happen?”
“What you’re thinking didn’t happen. What you thinking—”
“Somebody hurt you, J.J.”
I forget all I don’t know. Sink further down in the bed even though I’m already flat on my back.
Home, home. How do I feel? I feel like I want to go home. Turn off the lights, Doctor.
so I can go to sleep
night in the hospital is light.
so you know what happened to you
so you know what happened to you?
Batty Boy jumped out of his bed and jumped me
for my jacket
I don’t know Batty wanted my jacket so he beat me up.
orange juice please
you like orange juice
yes I
yes I
five dollars
I had five dollars from the laundrymat guy
Star Magic Kaleidoscope from Rita
He hit me
“Where?”
I
Batty Boy hit me?
“Anything else? Did he do anything else?”
Nothing happened, really, I fell and hit my head at school and my head hurts bad I wonder can you fix it. In my dreams I’m not black, and if I am I’m only half black and an Indian. I’m a warrior riding across the plains, in my dreams we drive the Europeans back into the ocean, in my dreams sometimes I am black, blacker than I am now, the blackest black man, Hannibal riding an elephant over the Alps, a ruler of a kingdom of a land where my father’s picture is like George Washington’s on the dollar bill, in my dreams I have not been beat. Or left alone. My dreams are mine, I do ’em with my eyes open. When I close my eyes my dreams belong to the boogeyman, the devil. They are the devil’s lies. But my dreams were not lies before my mother died, or, except, maybe that time just before Mommy died was bad dreams. Before that my dreams was very good, like I was clear who I was gonna be when I growed up, I was like Michael Jordan. Like how my father must have been.
My mother says everyone even the ones who go to the same church have different ideas of what’s God. It’s different for every person, Abdul. I
“Ain’t no clock up there.” She looks at her watch. “It’s twelve o’clock.”
“I wanna lay down.” My head really hurts.
“OK, you can finish your soup later.”
I gotta get outta here, go home. Go back home. I’m hungry. My shirt and jacket is all messed up—
“Come on.”
My mother’s there, back home. Follow Miss Lillie to her room.
“Don’t you want to take your jacket off before you lay down?”
“No.”
I’M CONFUSED when I wake up. I think I’m Mommy. But if I was her I wouldn’t be thinking I’m her, I would just be her. Then I think like on TV, that cartoon, the magic genie, or that TV show where you get another chance, get a wish, make it better, do it different. Mommy is not dead but in bed and like in the movie gonna change and she gonna get up and we go home or to have pizza and our life be good. We win like the Indians winned once, we win like that, I’m so glad to be in the hospital with my mother. Huh? Huh? I don’t think this guy understand, he keep asking me stupid stuff. Nothin’ happened! Me and my mother, we getting ready to get out of here. You can’t keep us here we don’t want to be here. We well. My mom is well, I won the show, I get to go back, my wish? Today is not today, it’s yesterday.
“Come on, I think you do know. Can you tell who did this to you?”
Me and my mother gonna get pizza and go to the Apollo. Don’t nobody in my class go as many places as me—“Did what! What you talking about. Leave me alone! Nothing happened.”
“J.J.? J.J.? J.J.?”
My name ain’t no stupid J.J. and I’m not a little boy—
It seems like all the light’s whiteness is pouring in my eyes and I honestly don’t remember. I’m a little boy a little boy a little boy I’m a little boy! No I don’t, don’t have to, don’t wanna remember I don’t remember. I told you once! He banged my head on the floor. The floor was black and white squares on the linoleum. I don’t remember I don’t remember. It didn’t happen.
“What didn’t happen?”
“What you’re thinking didn’t happen. What you thinking—”
“Somebody hurt you, J.J.”
I forget all I don’t know. Sink further down in the bed even though I’m already flat on my back.
Home, home. How do I feel? I feel like I want to go home. Turn off the lights, Doctor.
so I can go to sleep
night in the hospital is light.
so you know what happened to you
so you know what happened to you?
Batty Boy jumped out of his bed and jumped me
for my jacket
I don’t know Batty wanted my jacket so he beat me up.
orange juice please
you like orange juice
yes I
yes I
five dollars
I had five dollars from the laundrymat guy
Star Magic Kaleidoscope from Rita
He hit me
“Where?”
I
Batty Boy hit me?
“Anything else? Did he do anything else?”
Nothing happened, really, I fell and hit my head at school and my head hurts bad I wonder can you fix it. In my dreams I’m not black, and if I am I’m only half black and an Indian. I’m a warrior riding across the plains, in my dreams we drive the Europeans back into the ocean, in my dreams sometimes I am black, blacker than I am now, the blackest black man, Hannibal riding an elephant over the Alps, a ruler of a kingdom of a land where my father’s picture is like George Washington’s on the dollar bill, in my dreams I have not been beat. Or left alone. My dreams are mine, I do ’em with my eyes open. When I close my eyes my dreams belong to the boogeyman, the devil. They are the devil’s lies. But my dreams were not lies before my mother died, or, except, maybe that time just before Mommy died was bad dreams. Before that my dreams was very good, like I was clear who I was gonna be when I growed up, I was like Michael Jordan. Like how my father must have been.
My mother says everyone even the ones who go to the same church have different ideas of what’s God. It’s different for every person, Abdul. I
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