The Kryptonite Kid: A Novel by Joseph Torchia Page A

he called me a queer again. And then he said Superman’s probly a queer too. And then he walked away.
    And so me and Robert talked about it quite a bit and then we decided to ask Robert’s big brother Bruno what a queer was and Bruno said it was something REAL bad and we couldn’t find out about it until after we got older. And Robert said WHY? And Bruno said BECAUSE IT’S A SIN and so he couldn’t even talk about it. And Sister Mary Justin never told us about that sin before so maybe we should ask her about it. Except Robert won’t do it and I don’t think I will either. But we figure if it’s REAL bad then you can’t be one. Not you, Superman. You’re perfect. And since you’re perfect, you must know what a queer is. So what is it please? Thank you very much.
      
YOUR FRIENDS,
JERRY and ROBERT
      

      
    DEAR SUPERMAN,
      
    The other day in Religion class Sister Mary Justin told us a story about a little kid who was gonna make his First Holy Communion. So first he had to make his First Holy Confession so he could tell the priest all his sins and be forgiven. Which he did. Except he forgot one of them on purpose because it was a MORTAL SIN and he was afraid.
    And when it came time to make his First Holy Communion and he was all dressed up in his brand new First Holy Communion suit and he was on his way to the church with his mom and dad and everybody else in his entire family, that’s when he started thinking about that Mortal Sin which was crawling around inside of him like a snake.
    And then it came time to make his First Holy Communion and EVERY seat in the church was filled and some people were even standing and he walked up to the alter and he knelt down and he closed his eyes and everybody watched as he stuck out his tongue like you’re supposed to do when the priest is gonna give it to you. And then the priest gave it to him. And then you know what happend, Superman?
    He felt something real hot in his mouth. So he opened his eyes and there was blood dripping allover his chin and his neck and his brand new First Holy Communion suit. It was the blood of The Baby Jesus and it meant he was gonna go to HELL for sure. That’s what Sister Mary Justin said. She said our sins drive NAILS into The Baby Jesus if we don’t confess them. She looked right at me when she said that.
    That’s why I GOTTA find out if I’m a queer, Superman. Because if I am and if it’s a Mortal Sin, then what’s gonna
    happen when me and Robert make our First Holy Communion? Because I figure if I’m a queer then Robert’s probly one too. Goodby.
      
Your Friends,
JERRY CHARIOT and ROBERT
       

      
    You see, Superman,
    Sister Mary Justin said one Mortal Sin is worse than a HUNDRED venial sins because a venial sin is just a little one like telling a lie or not doing your own homework. But a Mortal Sin is a BIG one like murdering somebody or not going to Mass on Sunday. And Robert said CAN WE GO TO ANOTHER CHURCH INSTEAD OF MASS? And Sister Mary Justin said NO, YOU HAVE TO GO TO MASS OR ELSE IT’S A MORTAL SIN! So that means all the Protestents and Negros and everybody else is going to Hell. And so are the queers maybe. Except we’re not too sure. But Robert said we better make sure Superman’s a Catholic just in case he runs into a piece of Kryptonite and goes to Hell. It’d be really AWFUL if we ended up in Heaven or someplace else without you, Superman. That’s why I’m sending you my Catechism because it explains EVERYTHING you need to know about to become a real Catholic just in case you’re not already. So if you are, please pass it on to Supergirl if she needs it. Or else you could give it to Jimmy Olsen. But we don’t think you should give it to Lois Lane even if she’s a Protestent.
      
Your Pals,
Jerry AND Robert
      

      
    Dear Superman,
      
    Me and Robert can’t stop thinking about it and we decided that it don’t matter if you go to Hell or not