The Kryptonite Kid: A Novel by Joseph Torchia Page B

because the flames can’t hurt you anyway because you’re indestructable even after you die. And then if you wanted, you could fly to Heaven and visit me and Robert and Jimmy Olsen for a while. And since everybody in Heaven would already be happy and have wings and everything then they wouldn’t need you anyway. So you could go back to Hell and use your Super-breath to cool off all those people down there because they sure could use it. That’s what Robert Sipanno said. He said God probly doesn’t even want, you to become a Catholic. He probly WANTS you to go to Hell and save people after you die. So why don’t you give my Catechism to Jimmy Olsen and tell him Robert said HI. Goodby.
       
JERRY CHARIOT and ROBERT SIPANNO
      
    PS: Besides, if you went to Hell then Mr. Mxyzptlk! would never go there to bother you because NOBODY wants to go to Hell. Not even a imp.
      

      
    DEAR SUPERMAN,
      
    The other day my mom caught Buster doing something he wasn’t supposed to be doing with his Thing. He was in the bedroom doing it when my mom walked in and he didn’t know it until she started yelling. BOY did she  yell! I don’t know exactly what Buster was doing but I heard my mom and dad whispering about it later. My mom told my dad how Buster was looking at a picture of Mary Louise Wesson while he was doing it. And then she started crying. And my dad said ALL KIDS DO IT AT PUBERTY. And I don’t know what puberty is but it must be something in the bedroom because that’s where he was doing it at. And so my mom said IT’S NOT NORMEL! And when I heard that I figured maybe it was a good chance to find out what a queer was. So I said MAYBE IT’S QUEER and my mom and dad looked up. I guess they didn’t know I was listening. But BOY did they get mad, Superman! Especially my mom. She didn’t even wait for my dad to get up and hit me. She did it herself. Then she said I was a ROTTEN LITTLE BRAT and she smacked me right across the face. Real hard. Then she told me to get out of her site, RIGHT THIS INSTANT, DO YOU HEAR ME YOUNG MAN? So I went to look for Buster because I figured since we’re BOTH in trouble then maybe he’d like me a little more now. But he didn’t because when I asked him what he was doing with his Thing he said GET LOST! And then he hit me across the face like my mom did. And that’s why I don’t like groan ups, Superman. Except Mrs. Bacchio. Because groan ups always yell at you and hit you and tell you what you have to do all the time. And you can’t do nothing about it. Not until you get big enough to hit somebody like Buster hits me sometimes. Because then you’re not so little anymore because somebody else is littler because everybody wants to be bigger than somebody, Superman. But not me. I want to be bigger than EVERYBODY. I want to be
      
Your friend,
SUPER-JERRY
      
    PS: And someday I will.
      

      
    DEAR SUPERMAN,
      
    Just in case you don’t know what a Thing is that’s the Thing you pee out of. Except you don’t have to pee because you’re Super. But I do. And so that’s what a Thing is. And I wonder if that’s what Buster was doing, peeing in the bedroom? I wouldn’t like it either if I was my mom. But I’m not. I’m just me. So what do you think?
      
Your Pal Jerry Again
      
    PS: Since you don’t have to pee because you’re Super then maybe you don’t have a Thing. But if you didn’t have a Thing then you’d be a girl. But you’re not a girl. You’re Superman. And if you don’t pee out of it, then what do you do with it? Robert said maybe it has a special power like your eyes have X-ray Vision. Is that it?
       

      
    Dear SUPERPAL,
      
    The other day guess what? Well, Sister Mary Justin noticed I didn’t have my Catechism and so she asked me where it was? And I said I gave it to a friend so he wouldn’t go to Hell. And she said YOU WHAT? And I said he wasn’t a Catholic and he wanted to