The Meaning of Liff by Douglas Adams, John Lloyd
Authors: Douglas Adams, John Lloyd
Tags: Humor, Fiction, General, Science-Fiction, SF, Language Arts & Disciplines, English wit and humor, Etymology, Names; Geographical
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easily.
TILLICOULTRY (n.)
The man-to-man chumminess adopted by an employer as a prelude for telling an employee that he's going to have to let him go.
TIMBLE (vb.)
(Of small nasty children.) To fail over very gently, look around to see who's about, and then yell blue murder.
TINCLETON (n.)
A man who amuses himself in your lavatory by pulling the chain in mid-pee and then seeing if he can finish before the flush does.
TINGRITH (n.)
The feeling of silver paper against your fillings.
TODBER (n.)
One whose idea of a good time is to stand behind his front hedge and give surly nods to people he doesn't know.
TODDING (vb.)
The business of talking amiably and aimlessly to the barman at the local.
TOLOB (n.)
A crease or fold in an underblanket, the removal of which involves getting out of bed an largely remaking it.
TOLSTACHAOLAIS (phr.)
What the police in Leith require you to say in order to prove that you are not drunk.
TOOTING BEC (n.)
A car behind which one draws up at the traffic lights and hoots at when the lights go green before realising that the car is parked and there is no one inside.
TORLUNDY (n.)
Narrow but thickly grimed strip of floor between the fridge and the sink unit in the kitchen of a rented flat.
TORONTO (n.)
Generic term for anything which comes out of a gush despite all your careful efforts to let it out gently, e.g. flour into a white sauce, tomato ketchup on to fried fish, sperm into a human being, etc.
TOTTERIDGE (n.)
The ridiculous two-inch hunch that people adopt when arriving late for the theatre in the vain and futile hope that it will minimise either the embarrassment of the lack of visibility for the rest of the audience. c.f. hickling.
TRANTLEMORE (vb.)
To make a noise like a train crossing a set of points.
TREWOFFE (n.)
A very thick and heavy drift of snow balanced precariously on the edoge of a door porch waiting for what it judges to be the correct moment to fall. From the ancient Greek legend 'The Treewofe of Damocles'.
TRISPEN (n.)
A form of intelligent grass. It grows a single, tough stalk and makes its home on lawns. When it sees the lawnmower coming it lies down and pops up again after it has gone by.
TROSSACHS (pl.n.)
The useless epaulettes on an expensive raincoat.
TUAMGRANEY (n.)
A hideous wooden ornament that people hang over the mantelpiece to prove they've been to Africa.
TULSA (n.)
A slurp of beer which has accidentally gone down your shirt collar.
TUMBY (n.)
The involuntary abdominal gurgling which fills the silence following someone else's intimate personal revelation.
TWEEDSMUIR (collective n.)
The name given to the extensive collection of hats kept in the downstairs lavatory which don't fit anyone in the family.
TWEMLOW GREEN (n.)
The colour of some of Nigel Rees's trousers, worn in the mistaken belief that they go rather well with his sproston green (q.v.) jackets.
TWOMILEBORRIS (n.)
A popular Ease European outdoor game in which the first person to reach the front of the meat queue wins, and the losers have to forfeit their bath plugs.
TYNE and WEAR (nouns)
The 'Tyne' is the small priceless or vital object accidentally dropped on the floor (e.g. diamond tie clip, contact lens) and the 'wear' is the large immovable object (e.g. Welsh dresser, car-crusher) that it shelters under.
ULLAPOOL (n.)
The spittle which builds up on the floor of the Royal Opera House.
ULLINGSWICK (n.)
An over-developed epiglottis found in middle-aged coloraturas.
ULLOCK (n.)
The correct name for either of the deaf Scandinavian tourists who are standing two abreast in front of you on the escalator.
UMBERLEIGH (n.)
The awful moment which follows a dorchester (q.v.) when a speaker weighs up whether to repeat an amusing remark after nobody laughed the last time. To be on the horns of an umberleigh is to wonder whether people didn't hear the remark, or
TILLICOULTRY (n.)
The man-to-man chumminess adopted by an employer as a prelude for telling an employee that he's going to have to let him go.
TIMBLE (vb.)
(Of small nasty children.) To fail over very gently, look around to see who's about, and then yell blue murder.
TINCLETON (n.)
A man who amuses himself in your lavatory by pulling the chain in mid-pee and then seeing if he can finish before the flush does.
TINGRITH (n.)
The feeling of silver paper against your fillings.
TODBER (n.)
One whose idea of a good time is to stand behind his front hedge and give surly nods to people he doesn't know.
TODDING (vb.)
The business of talking amiably and aimlessly to the barman at the local.
TOLOB (n.)
A crease or fold in an underblanket, the removal of which involves getting out of bed an largely remaking it.
TOLSTACHAOLAIS (phr.)
What the police in Leith require you to say in order to prove that you are not drunk.
TOOTING BEC (n.)
A car behind which one draws up at the traffic lights and hoots at when the lights go green before realising that the car is parked and there is no one inside.
TORLUNDY (n.)
Narrow but thickly grimed strip of floor between the fridge and the sink unit in the kitchen of a rented flat.
TORONTO (n.)
Generic term for anything which comes out of a gush despite all your careful efforts to let it out gently, e.g. flour into a white sauce, tomato ketchup on to fried fish, sperm into a human being, etc.
TOTTERIDGE (n.)
The ridiculous two-inch hunch that people adopt when arriving late for the theatre in the vain and futile hope that it will minimise either the embarrassment of the lack of visibility for the rest of the audience. c.f. hickling.
TRANTLEMORE (vb.)
To make a noise like a train crossing a set of points.
TREWOFFE (n.)
A very thick and heavy drift of snow balanced precariously on the edoge of a door porch waiting for what it judges to be the correct moment to fall. From the ancient Greek legend 'The Treewofe of Damocles'.
TRISPEN (n.)
A form of intelligent grass. It grows a single, tough stalk and makes its home on lawns. When it sees the lawnmower coming it lies down and pops up again after it has gone by.
TROSSACHS (pl.n.)
The useless epaulettes on an expensive raincoat.
TUAMGRANEY (n.)
A hideous wooden ornament that people hang over the mantelpiece to prove they've been to Africa.
TULSA (n.)
A slurp of beer which has accidentally gone down your shirt collar.
TUMBY (n.)
The involuntary abdominal gurgling which fills the silence following someone else's intimate personal revelation.
TWEEDSMUIR (collective n.)
The name given to the extensive collection of hats kept in the downstairs lavatory which don't fit anyone in the family.
TWEMLOW GREEN (n.)
The colour of some of Nigel Rees's trousers, worn in the mistaken belief that they go rather well with his sproston green (q.v.) jackets.
TWOMILEBORRIS (n.)
A popular Ease European outdoor game in which the first person to reach the front of the meat queue wins, and the losers have to forfeit their bath plugs.
TYNE and WEAR (nouns)
The 'Tyne' is the small priceless or vital object accidentally dropped on the floor (e.g. diamond tie clip, contact lens) and the 'wear' is the large immovable object (e.g. Welsh dresser, car-crusher) that it shelters under.
ULLAPOOL (n.)
The spittle which builds up on the floor of the Royal Opera House.
ULLINGSWICK (n.)
An over-developed epiglottis found in middle-aged coloraturas.
ULLOCK (n.)
The correct name for either of the deaf Scandinavian tourists who are standing two abreast in front of you on the escalator.
UMBERLEIGH (n.)
The awful moment which follows a dorchester (q.v.) when a speaker weighs up whether to repeat an amusing remark after nobody laughed the last time. To be on the horns of an umberleigh is to wonder whether people didn't hear the remark, or
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