bet you wouldn't even dare walk into a store through the OUT door."
"Of course not. Do have any idea how hard it would be for blind people if everyone did that?"
"I don't know. A little spontaneous dancing in the doorway with you might be kind of fun."
Lyssa gave up and just let the laughter take hold of her until her belly hurt. "Oh, you really are as impossible as your father warned."
"I pride myself on that."
"I'm sure you do."
Cody was quiet a moment. If she didn't know he was blind, she'd have assumed he was looking out into the pasture and losing himself in the beauty that surrounded them. But Lyssa knew that wasn't the case even before he heaved a slow sigh.
"You're right, you know," he said, his voice quiet against the rush of breeze through the trees. "I don't like what I've become. I can't see what I want to see, and what I do see I don't like."
"Only you can change that."
"I can't unless this next surgery works."
"With or without the surgery you're still the same man."
Lyssa would have missed the almost imperceptible shake of Cody's head if she hadn't been staring at him the way she was.
"Different. I don't... know who I am. I've been working this ranch since I was a kid, doing things, I don't know, because that's the way it is. And I didn't go looking for something else. I like what I have here. I just don't know where I fit in here anymore."
"I know this sounds simplistic, but just because you can't look into the mirror and see your reflection doesn't mean it isn't there. You're not invisible."
He swallowed, licked his lips, and turned a fraction of an inch away from her gaze. "I don't know what's there. That's just the point."
He was uncomfortable. Lyssa guessed that was about as much as Cody would reach out to anyone to ask for a hand. She would offer him both of hers and let him decide just how much he could handle. And she would be honest. He deserved to hear the truth.
"Your life is different, I'll give you that. But you're not. The core of who you are hasn't changed. Every value you've had, every goal is the same. You just need to redefine it. Make it work for you now. And you can do that and be happy."
"Were you happy?"
She shook her head and chose her words carefully before she spoke. "You can't really compare the two of us. Our situations are so different. I didn't have the same kind of expectations you have. I simply didn't know anything else. I took what I had and made my life right from the beginning. There was no loss to mourn."
"You think that's what I'm doing?"
"Yes. It's quite common. If you'd opened yourself up to the counseling available—"
Cody groaned and shifted uncomfortably.
Undaunted, Lyssa went on. "You could have worked with people who would have helped you and your family adjust. Lots of people who've become blind as adults do well."
"Doesn't make me feel good to be part of that statistic."
"You're not a statistic, Cody. You're a man. And you need to start looking at yourself that way again. Otherwise, you'll be stuck sitting in a chair for the rest of your life."
He was quiet for a moment, about to say something, hesitating and then retreating. It took a while and she waited.
"I don't want to be a cripple."
"Is that how you see yourself?"
"Don't you?"
"No."
His jaw tightened. "Everyone else around me does."
She closed her eyes, knowing that it was true to some degree. "They won't stop until you do."
When he didn't say anything further, she went on.
"You trust your horse. Why can't you trust Otis? He can give you so much more of your life back."
"It's not the same thing. When I'm riding, I'm free. I'm not someone who needs anyone else. I'm not wearing this big sign that says 'Watch out for the blind man.' " His heavy sigh echoed his obvious frustration. "Having a guide dog will just make me look ..."
"What?"
"I don't know. Less of a man, I guess." His laugh was harsh and filled with contempt. She wasn't quite sure for what. "I guess I'm egotistical
"Of course not. Do have any idea how hard it would be for blind people if everyone did that?"
"I don't know. A little spontaneous dancing in the doorway with you might be kind of fun."
Lyssa gave up and just let the laughter take hold of her until her belly hurt. "Oh, you really are as impossible as your father warned."
"I pride myself on that."
"I'm sure you do."
Cody was quiet a moment. If she didn't know he was blind, she'd have assumed he was looking out into the pasture and losing himself in the beauty that surrounded them. But Lyssa knew that wasn't the case even before he heaved a slow sigh.
"You're right, you know," he said, his voice quiet against the rush of breeze through the trees. "I don't like what I've become. I can't see what I want to see, and what I do see I don't like."
"Only you can change that."
"I can't unless this next surgery works."
"With or without the surgery you're still the same man."
Lyssa would have missed the almost imperceptible shake of Cody's head if she hadn't been staring at him the way she was.
"Different. I don't... know who I am. I've been working this ranch since I was a kid, doing things, I don't know, because that's the way it is. And I didn't go looking for something else. I like what I have here. I just don't know where I fit in here anymore."
"I know this sounds simplistic, but just because you can't look into the mirror and see your reflection doesn't mean it isn't there. You're not invisible."
He swallowed, licked his lips, and turned a fraction of an inch away from her gaze. "I don't know what's there. That's just the point."
He was uncomfortable. Lyssa guessed that was about as much as Cody would reach out to anyone to ask for a hand. She would offer him both of hers and let him decide just how much he could handle. And she would be honest. He deserved to hear the truth.
"Your life is different, I'll give you that. But you're not. The core of who you are hasn't changed. Every value you've had, every goal is the same. You just need to redefine it. Make it work for you now. And you can do that and be happy."
"Were you happy?"
She shook her head and chose her words carefully before she spoke. "You can't really compare the two of us. Our situations are so different. I didn't have the same kind of expectations you have. I simply didn't know anything else. I took what I had and made my life right from the beginning. There was no loss to mourn."
"You think that's what I'm doing?"
"Yes. It's quite common. If you'd opened yourself up to the counseling available—"
Cody groaned and shifted uncomfortably.
Undaunted, Lyssa went on. "You could have worked with people who would have helped you and your family adjust. Lots of people who've become blind as adults do well."
"Doesn't make me feel good to be part of that statistic."
"You're not a statistic, Cody. You're a man. And you need to start looking at yourself that way again. Otherwise, you'll be stuck sitting in a chair for the rest of your life."
He was quiet for a moment, about to say something, hesitating and then retreating. It took a while and she waited.
"I don't want to be a cripple."
"Is that how you see yourself?"
"Don't you?"
"No."
His jaw tightened. "Everyone else around me does."
She closed her eyes, knowing that it was true to some degree. "They won't stop until you do."
When he didn't say anything further, she went on.
"You trust your horse. Why can't you trust Otis? He can give you so much more of your life back."
"It's not the same thing. When I'm riding, I'm free. I'm not someone who needs anyone else. I'm not wearing this big sign that says 'Watch out for the blind man.' " His heavy sigh echoed his obvious frustration. "Having a guide dog will just make me look ..."
"What?"
"I don't know. Less of a man, I guess." His laugh was harsh and filled with contempt. She wasn't quite sure for what. "I guess I'm egotistical
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