The Morning After by Kendra Norman-Bellamy

out the flames.” Elaine stopped walking, and Angel stopped with her.
    â€œI know this is hard for you, Elaine.”
    â€œNo, you don’t. You have no idea. You’re as clueless as a dumb blonde about this.” The tears were streaming heavier now. “You may understand what it’s like to want to be with the man you love, but that’s as far as your understanding goes. The man you want to be with also wants to be with you, that’s not my testimony. My man can’t even stand to get in the same bed with me, let alone be with me. You’ve got this great husband who worships the ground you walk on, Angel. You can’t even come close to understanding what it’s like to have a husband that treats you like his college dorm mate or some other kind of platonic friend.”
    Angel reached out and touched Elaine’s arm. She wanted to refute her accusations, and tell her that there had been times in her and Colin’s marriage where they’d experienced what she was experiencing with Mason. But it wouldn’t be the truth. Colin was always ready and willing. Although lately....
    â€œAngel, I know what I did was horrible.” Elaine’s sobs flooded out Angel’s reality check. “If Mason had left me last spring, I couldn’t have blamed him one bit. But he didn’t. He decided to stay, and he agreed that we would work on this together. We made a plan to get back in the church and start praying more. We’ve done all that. We go to church and worship together every Sunday, and Mason prays just as much as I do. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve walked into the living room and found him on his knees. But even in all of that, he hasn’t touched me.”
    Angel could feel Elaine’s hurt and her sense of abandonment. God, give me something to say . Right now, Angel felt useless; like her presence was of no benefit to Elaine’s broken spirit. To make matters worse, a feeling of hypocrisy was nudging Angel. How could she encourage Elaine when she had a husband who probably shared Elaine’s sentiment? Did Colin feel abandoned too? Angel shook the idea from her head. This wasn’t about her; it was about Elaine, and her friend needed encouragement. But Angel had no idea what to say. Elaine, however, was not at a loss for words.
    â€œI thought that if I really made myself desirable, Mason wouldn’t be able to resist me. I purchased sexy clothes and racy nightgowns, got myself this sassy new haircut, and even got down to my premarital, pre-pregnancy weight and . . .” Elaine gasped and put her hands over her mouth as if she were just mobbed by a horrid thought. “Is that it? You think he won’t touch me because every time he’s given me a baby I’ve lost it, and he just doesn’t want to have to go through the disappointment again?”
    â€œNo!” Angel said the word as emphatically as she could. It was no secret that Elaine had suffered three miscarriages in her eight-year marriage to Mason, and it was no secret that Mason wanted children. But Angel refused to believe that it had anything to do with his rejection of her. “Now you stop that,” Angel scolded. “You’re gonna make yourself sick if you keep this up. You’re just looking for a reason to blame yourself for this, and I’m not going to let you do that.”
    â€œThen what is it, Angel? If it’s not that God is punishing me, and it’s not that Mason hasn’t forgiven me for being with another man, and it isn’t that he doesn’t want to take the chance on impregnating me again only to have me lose the baby; then what is it?”
    â€œI don’t know what it is,” Angel blurted. “I wish I knew, but I don’t. But one thing for sure is that none of this is your fault.”
    â€œHow can you say it’s not my fault? I’m the one who—”
    â€œI didn’t say you