The Nanny Diaries by Emma McLaughlin, Nicola Kraus Page A
Authors: Emma McLaughlin, Nicola Kraus
Tags: Bestseller
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luxury: items atluxuryprices toeveryday householditems atluxury prices. 1All so a woman canwalk in, buy a ten-dollar bottle of cleanser, and 1 walk out with a cute shopping bag, feeling as if she's had somefun.
I staft pulling out picture frames and clearing out all their soap, but ?? I have nO idea what or where lavenderwateris. I lookdownatthelist.
.Like theotherwomen I've workedfor,I'm
sure she used all caps without thinking, threw the underline in as an afterthought' but, to me, she's screaming. It's as if, suddenly,her life de-pends on LAVENDERWATER or MILK or EDAMAME. I'm tempted to put mV hands up to my ears as their heads rise out of the notepaper, like something from Terminator2, screaming, "CLORQXfI f /.'/.'"
I cofnrnence combing the shelves in pursuit of lavender water and find that Caswell-Massey only makes freesia water, but she definitely wanted lavender. Crabtree and Evelyn have lavender drawer liners, but that's clearly not it. Roger and Gallet make a lavendef soaP an^ Rigaud, I'm informed, "doesn't do lavender."Then finally, on the very bottom shelf of another wall, with Grayer scheduled to drop and roll out of the town car in exactly five minutes, I see The Thymes Limited Lavender Home FragranceMist,Parfum d'Ambiance.Thishas gottobeit; it's the
onlywatery-type lavenderythinghere. I'll take it. Makethattwelve.
Nanny, I. not sure where I gave you the impression that it was appropriate for you to bother my husband. I spoke with him and we. e setting you up with a cell phone, so the net time you. e in doubt we. appreciateitif youjustcall me. JustineatMrX. officewillgiveyouthecorrectheadcount. Butitwilldefinitelybecloserto thirtythantwelve. Also, please find a moment today to exchange whatever you bought yesterday for Lavender LinenWaterbyL. ccitane. (We onlyneedonebottleasit. a cleaningtool,not a partyfavor)
"Hi,Mom?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm talkingtoyouon acellphone. Know why?"
"'Causeyou're oneof themnow?"
"No. Because I'm so not one of them I can't be trusted to perform even the simplest task, say, pick out
lavenderwater."
"Lavender what?"
"You pouritinyour ironanditmakesyourrentedtableclothssmell likethesouthof France."
"Useful."
"AndI am beingmadetofeelincompetentover thiswh?"
"Bud?"
"Yeah?"
"Nocomplaining fromthecute-girl-with-her-own-cell-phone."
"Fiiine."
THE NANNY DIARIES
"Love ya. Bye."
The girl with her own cell phone calls her best friend, Sarah, at Wesleyan. "Hi, you've reached Sarah,
impressme. Beep?
"Hey,it's me.Atthis verymoment 1 am walking downthestreet andtalkingtoyou.Just like1 couldon
a train, a boat, or even from the makeup floor at Barneys, because ... 1 got a cell phone. She gave me a
cellphone!See,that's not aperkyouget as a professor's assistant. Bye!"
ThenI ringGrandma. "SorryI'm notheretochat,buttellmesomethingfabulousanyway. Beep?
"Hi, Gran, c'est moi. I'm out on the street talking to you on mybrand-new cell phone. Now all I need is
a Donna Karan bikini and we can hit the Hamptons. Woohoo! Talk to you later! Bye!" And then home
tocheckmymessages. "Hello?" myroommate's voice answers. "Charlene?" I ask. "Yes?"
"Oh,I wasjustcalling tocheckmymessages.""You don't haveany."
"Oh,okay,thanks.Guesswhat?I'm onmynewcellphone!Shegaveme a cellphone!"
"Didshetellyouwhatkindof callingplanshegotyou?" Charleneasksflatly.
"No, why?" I scramble to check Mrs. X's notes. "Because nonplan calls cost seventy-five cents a
minute and cell phone bills are itemized, incoming and outgoing, so she'll know exactly who you've
beentalkingtoandwhatitcosther?
"Gottagobye?Andthusmybrief loveaffairwith mycellis broughtto ascreechinghalt.
Mrs. X starts ringing constantly with new requests for the dinner party. In rapid succession I buy the
wrong-coloredgift bagsforthepresents, thewrongribbontotiethebagsclosed,andthewrong
shade of lilac tissue paper to stuff them with. Then, in a stunning crescendo, I buy the wrong-sized
placecards.
Usually when she calls she refuses to talk to
I staft pulling out picture frames and clearing out all their soap, but ?? I have nO idea what or where lavenderwateris. I lookdownatthelist.
.Like theotherwomen I've workedfor,I'm
sure she used all caps without thinking, threw the underline in as an afterthought' but, to me, she's screaming. It's as if, suddenly,her life de-pends on LAVENDERWATER or MILK or EDAMAME. I'm tempted to put mV hands up to my ears as their heads rise out of the notepaper, like something from Terminator2, screaming, "CLORQXfI f /.'/.'"
I cofnrnence combing the shelves in pursuit of lavender water and find that Caswell-Massey only makes freesia water, but she definitely wanted lavender. Crabtree and Evelyn have lavender drawer liners, but that's clearly not it. Roger and Gallet make a lavendef soaP an^ Rigaud, I'm informed, "doesn't do lavender."Then finally, on the very bottom shelf of another wall, with Grayer scheduled to drop and roll out of the town car in exactly five minutes, I see The Thymes Limited Lavender Home FragranceMist,Parfum d'Ambiance.Thishas gottobeit; it's the
onlywatery-type lavenderythinghere. I'll take it. Makethattwelve.
Nanny, I. not sure where I gave you the impression that it was appropriate for you to bother my husband. I spoke with him and we. e setting you up with a cell phone, so the net time you. e in doubt we. appreciateitif youjustcall me. JustineatMrX. officewillgiveyouthecorrectheadcount. Butitwilldefinitelybecloserto thirtythantwelve. Also, please find a moment today to exchange whatever you bought yesterday for Lavender LinenWaterbyL. ccitane. (We onlyneedonebottleasit. a cleaningtool,not a partyfavor)
"Hi,Mom?"
"Yeah?"
"I'm talkingtoyouon acellphone. Know why?"
"'Causeyou're oneof themnow?"
"No. Because I'm so not one of them I can't be trusted to perform even the simplest task, say, pick out
lavenderwater."
"Lavender what?"
"You pouritinyour ironanditmakesyourrentedtableclothssmell likethesouthof France."
"Useful."
"AndI am beingmadetofeelincompetentover thiswh?"
"Bud?"
"Yeah?"
"Nocomplaining fromthecute-girl-with-her-own-cell-phone."
"Fiiine."
THE NANNY DIARIES
"Love ya. Bye."
The girl with her own cell phone calls her best friend, Sarah, at Wesleyan. "Hi, you've reached Sarah,
impressme. Beep?
"Hey,it's me.Atthis verymoment 1 am walking downthestreet andtalkingtoyou.Just like1 couldon
a train, a boat, or even from the makeup floor at Barneys, because ... 1 got a cell phone. She gave me a
cellphone!See,that's not aperkyouget as a professor's assistant. Bye!"
ThenI ringGrandma. "SorryI'm notheretochat,buttellmesomethingfabulousanyway. Beep?
"Hi, Gran, c'est moi. I'm out on the street talking to you on mybrand-new cell phone. Now all I need is
a Donna Karan bikini and we can hit the Hamptons. Woohoo! Talk to you later! Bye!" And then home
tocheckmymessages. "Hello?" myroommate's voice answers. "Charlene?" I ask. "Yes?"
"Oh,I wasjustcalling tocheckmymessages.""You don't haveany."
"Oh,okay,thanks.Guesswhat?I'm onmynewcellphone!Shegaveme a cellphone!"
"Didshetellyouwhatkindof callingplanshegotyou?" Charleneasksflatly.
"No, why?" I scramble to check Mrs. X's notes. "Because nonplan calls cost seventy-five cents a
minute and cell phone bills are itemized, incoming and outgoing, so she'll know exactly who you've
beentalkingtoandwhatitcosther?
"Gottagobye?Andthusmybrief loveaffairwith mycellis broughtto ascreechinghalt.
Mrs. X starts ringing constantly with new requests for the dinner party. In rapid succession I buy the
wrong-coloredgift bagsforthepresents, thewrongribbontotiethebagsclosed,andthewrong
shade of lilac tissue paper to stuff them with. Then, in a stunning crescendo, I buy the wrong-sized
placecards.
Usually when she calls she refuses to talk to
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