wasn’t the person I thought she was.”
“She broke your heart?”
“Yeah.” I nodded. “Not in the way that you think, though.” I sighed and bit my lip before continuing. “I’ve never really been in love. Or I should say, felt love. I’ve always had Zane and loved him, but I’ve never had another person reach that spot in my heart. And in Palm Bonita that changed. I felt an overwhelming and heart-stopping love, and I had to walk away from it, and I’m crushed. And there was nothing I could do. I’ve never felt so hopeless.”
“There’s nothing you can do?”
“Not legally.”
“ That’s why you wanted me to contact my son, huh? You’ve got a big heart.” Sidney stared at me, and he looked thoughtful. I had a feeling he understood my vague comments better than I did. It was uncanny how he always seemed to understand what I was thinking or saying without me being very clear.
“Big hearts don’t always get you everywhere.”
“Everyone’s not perfect, Noah.” He leaned towards me. “And not everyone has a big heart. You’re the exception and not the rule, even though I wish that wasn’t true.” He paused, and gave me a look. “But you’re not God, Noah. You can’t protect everyone.”
“You want me to tell Zane.” I sighed.
“He has a right to know. You can’t just hide that from him.”
“You just don’t understand. I think he’ll be devastated if he learns the truth. Growing up, he had so many issues and so much hatred towards our mom. And I just don’t want to see him go through any more unne cessary pain.”
“You can’t not tell him because you’re afraid of how it will affect him. He’s a big boy.”
“I don’t want him to feel any differently about me , either.” I made a face. “I know I’m being selfish, but I don’t want our relationship to change.”
“It’s not your fault, Noah. He’s not going to blame you.”
“It changes everything.”
“It changes nothing.”
“It’s a life-changing piece of information.” I took a deep breath.
“Have you spoken to your mom?”
“No.” I shook my head. “I can’t respect her for what she did.”
“Can’t you forgive her?”
“She wants nothing to do with Zane.” I almost whispered the words. “I don’t know how she can distance herself like that.”
“Love is a funny thing.”
“I can’t accept it.” I shook my head vehemently. “I’ve witnessed first-hand the devastation that comes from not being wanted.”
“It’s a cruel thing to do to a child.”
“I won’t lose two people to that sort of devastation. I don’t want be a witness to two people being heartbroken from the pain and rejection of two people that should love them.” I jumped up as I saw Lucky and Betty approaching the door. “Need any help, ladies?”
“We’re fine, thank you.” Lucky smiled at me gratefully as she walked into the room. She placed the teapot on the table and Betty followed behind her with a tray of cups and saucers. She gasped quickly and rubbed her belly in amazement and I stared at her with a worried expression.
“Is everything okay?”
“Yes, it’s great. I think I just felt the babies kick for the first time. Come.” She motioned me over to her and grabbed my hand and placed it on her stomach. “Let’s see if they do it again.” I stood there waiting for a few moments , but nothing happened. I let go of her stomach, slightly disappointed, and Sidney gave me a look.
“It’s a good thing them babies didn’t kick again, you know how disappointed their papa would have been if he would have heard that news.”
“He’d kill me.” I laughed. “After everything that has happened, this would be the straw that broke the camel’s back.”
“You don’t want to break the camel ’s back.” Betty poured the tea and handed me a cup. “Not when the camel just started walking again.”
“Zane’s not that crazy.” Lucky shook her head at the offer of a teacup. “I’ll just
“She broke your heart?”
“Yeah.” I nodded. “Not in the way that you think, though.” I sighed and bit my lip before continuing. “I’ve never really been in love. Or I should say, felt love. I’ve always had Zane and loved him, but I’ve never had another person reach that spot in my heart. And in Palm Bonita that changed. I felt an overwhelming and heart-stopping love, and I had to walk away from it, and I’m crushed. And there was nothing I could do. I’ve never felt so hopeless.”
“There’s nothing you can do?”
“Not legally.”
“ That’s why you wanted me to contact my son, huh? You’ve got a big heart.” Sidney stared at me, and he looked thoughtful. I had a feeling he understood my vague comments better than I did. It was uncanny how he always seemed to understand what I was thinking or saying without me being very clear.
“Big hearts don’t always get you everywhere.”
“Everyone’s not perfect, Noah.” He leaned towards me. “And not everyone has a big heart. You’re the exception and not the rule, even though I wish that wasn’t true.” He paused, and gave me a look. “But you’re not God, Noah. You can’t protect everyone.”
“You want me to tell Zane.” I sighed.
“He has a right to know. You can’t just hide that from him.”
“You just don’t understand. I think he’ll be devastated if he learns the truth. Growing up, he had so many issues and so much hatred towards our mom. And I just don’t want to see him go through any more unne cessary pain.”
“You can’t not tell him because you’re afraid of how it will affect him. He’s a big boy.”
“I don’t want him to feel any differently about me , either.” I made a face. “I know I’m being selfish, but I don’t want our relationship to change.”
“It’s not your fault, Noah. He’s not going to blame you.”
“It changes everything.”
“It changes nothing.”
“It’s a life-changing piece of information.” I took a deep breath.
“Have you spoken to your mom?”
“No.” I shook my head. “I can’t respect her for what she did.”
“Can’t you forgive her?”
“She wants nothing to do with Zane.” I almost whispered the words. “I don’t know how she can distance herself like that.”
“Love is a funny thing.”
“I can’t accept it.” I shook my head vehemently. “I’ve witnessed first-hand the devastation that comes from not being wanted.”
“It’s a cruel thing to do to a child.”
“I won’t lose two people to that sort of devastation. I don’t want be a witness to two people being heartbroken from the pain and rejection of two people that should love them.” I jumped up as I saw Lucky and Betty approaching the door. “Need any help, ladies?”
“We’re fine, thank you.” Lucky smiled at me gratefully as she walked into the room. She placed the teapot on the table and Betty followed behind her with a tray of cups and saucers. She gasped quickly and rubbed her belly in amazement and I stared at her with a worried expression.
“Is everything okay?”
“Yes, it’s great. I think I just felt the babies kick for the first time. Come.” She motioned me over to her and grabbed my hand and placed it on her stomach. “Let’s see if they do it again.” I stood there waiting for a few moments , but nothing happened. I let go of her stomach, slightly disappointed, and Sidney gave me a look.
“It’s a good thing them babies didn’t kick again, you know how disappointed their papa would have been if he would have heard that news.”
“He’d kill me.” I laughed. “After everything that has happened, this would be the straw that broke the camel’s back.”
“You don’t want to break the camel ’s back.” Betty poured the tea and handed me a cup. “Not when the camel just started walking again.”
“Zane’s not that crazy.” Lucky shook her head at the offer of a teacup. “I’ll just
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