friend. He couldn’t even watch the Arkansas Razorbacks play football anymore because of all his memories of watching games with Booker.
“To move forward, we sometimes have to stop asking why. Stop shaking our fists at the heavens. What’s done is done. It wasn’t fair. It likely wasn’t our fault. But now is the time to dig deep into ourselves and find out why we can’t move on if we’re stuck in the past like an old truck in a ditch.”
Anger spurted inside him again. Was Reverend Louisa saying this was his fault? That since he hadn’t been able to move on, he was wrong? His skin prickled.
“I asked the man what scared him most, and he told me he feared he would never find another woman who could hold a candle to his wife. He was afraid he’d never marry again, never have children. He was afraid he’d die alone.”
Booker hadn’t died alone, and that was one thing for which Jake felt grateful.
“I told Tommy that grace might surprise him some day. That as he continued on with the business of living, he might be surprised by how events unfolded. But he had to be willing to keep living. Some of us wall ourselves off from the world after a tragedy. Even if we’re out and about in the world, running our errands and going to work, we stop living and merely exist. We stop connecting to people out of fear. And when that happens, my friends, we might as well be made of clay and not flesh and blood.”
It was as if she had written the words for him alone. Other than when Jake was on stage singing his heart out, he felt like he was mostly drifting through life. His music was his purpose, but when it came down to it, he knew it wasn’t enough. He wanted love and laughter and family. Should he simply stop beating himself up and ask Susannah out on a date? Get on with the business of living and trust that the nightmares and the guilt and the horror would one day stop? The temptation to look at Susannah was strong.
“Fear takes us in the opposite direction of love, friends,” Reverend Louisa continued. “And love is all there is when it comes down to it. Take a minute with me. When you lay your head down on your pillow after a hard day at work, what brings a smile to your face? The way you helped a colleague? The kind word a stranger had for you on the street? A phone call from a good friend? A kiss from a loved one?”
Jake knew all the mumbo jumbo about happiness. Had even read some books about it. Deep down, he knew that everyone wanted to be happy. He did too. It just wasn’t always that easy.
“What makes you really happy?” the Reverend asked again. “Who makes you happy?”
Locking his muscles so he wouldn’t turn to Susannah, Jake thought about how seeing her, holding hands with her, sitting next to her—even here in this church—made him happy. Despite the fact that he wanted to run away from all this grace stuff and this Reverend who seemed to see into his very soul.
“If you’re sitting next to someone who makes you happy, go ahead and tell them,” Reverend Louisa called out.
Jake felt rooted to the spot when Annabelle turned and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “You make me happy, Jake.”
Well, slap him upside the head with a 2-by-4 because he couldn’t imagine what he’d done to make this little girl happy. Rye turned around and grinned at him, making a heart over his chest like a teenage girl might. The silly grin on his friend’s face tore a reluctant laugh out of Jake’s mouth, but it cut off the instant he felt Susannah brush his hand.
He couldn’t have stopped himself from turning to her then. She didn’t say the words to him, but he felt her emotions in the soft way she looked at him. There were stars in her eyes, surely, and he felt transported to a place that…well, if he’d been writing a song, he would have called it paradise.
For a moment, it was hard to swallow, and when the choir started playing “Amazing Grace” as the Reverend walked to her seat, Jake
“To move forward, we sometimes have to stop asking why. Stop shaking our fists at the heavens. What’s done is done. It wasn’t fair. It likely wasn’t our fault. But now is the time to dig deep into ourselves and find out why we can’t move on if we’re stuck in the past like an old truck in a ditch.”
Anger spurted inside him again. Was Reverend Louisa saying this was his fault? That since he hadn’t been able to move on, he was wrong? His skin prickled.
“I asked the man what scared him most, and he told me he feared he would never find another woman who could hold a candle to his wife. He was afraid he’d never marry again, never have children. He was afraid he’d die alone.”
Booker hadn’t died alone, and that was one thing for which Jake felt grateful.
“I told Tommy that grace might surprise him some day. That as he continued on with the business of living, he might be surprised by how events unfolded. But he had to be willing to keep living. Some of us wall ourselves off from the world after a tragedy. Even if we’re out and about in the world, running our errands and going to work, we stop living and merely exist. We stop connecting to people out of fear. And when that happens, my friends, we might as well be made of clay and not flesh and blood.”
It was as if she had written the words for him alone. Other than when Jake was on stage singing his heart out, he felt like he was mostly drifting through life. His music was his purpose, but when it came down to it, he knew it wasn’t enough. He wanted love and laughter and family. Should he simply stop beating himself up and ask Susannah out on a date? Get on with the business of living and trust that the nightmares and the guilt and the horror would one day stop? The temptation to look at Susannah was strong.
“Fear takes us in the opposite direction of love, friends,” Reverend Louisa continued. “And love is all there is when it comes down to it. Take a minute with me. When you lay your head down on your pillow after a hard day at work, what brings a smile to your face? The way you helped a colleague? The kind word a stranger had for you on the street? A phone call from a good friend? A kiss from a loved one?”
Jake knew all the mumbo jumbo about happiness. Had even read some books about it. Deep down, he knew that everyone wanted to be happy. He did too. It just wasn’t always that easy.
“What makes you really happy?” the Reverend asked again. “Who makes you happy?”
Locking his muscles so he wouldn’t turn to Susannah, Jake thought about how seeing her, holding hands with her, sitting next to her—even here in this church—made him happy. Despite the fact that he wanted to run away from all this grace stuff and this Reverend who seemed to see into his very soul.
“If you’re sitting next to someone who makes you happy, go ahead and tell them,” Reverend Louisa called out.
Jake felt rooted to the spot when Annabelle turned and gave him a kiss on the cheek. “You make me happy, Jake.”
Well, slap him upside the head with a 2-by-4 because he couldn’t imagine what he’d done to make this little girl happy. Rye turned around and grinned at him, making a heart over his chest like a teenage girl might. The silly grin on his friend’s face tore a reluctant laugh out of Jake’s mouth, but it cut off the instant he felt Susannah brush his hand.
He couldn’t have stopped himself from turning to her then. She didn’t say the words to him, but he felt her emotions in the soft way she looked at him. There were stars in her eyes, surely, and he felt transported to a place that…well, if he’d been writing a song, he would have called it paradise.
For a moment, it was hard to swallow, and when the choir started playing “Amazing Grace” as the Reverend walked to her seat, Jake
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