eunuch frowned. ‘You think it was ordained?’
‘I know you believe you made all this happen,’ she said, ‘you and Timothy, bringing me to Justinian. But I could have refused you, gone back to my old life.’
‘And why didn’t you?’
‘I fell in love. I didn’t expect it, you certainly didn’t, but my rise to this place was so unlikely I used to hope there was something fated in our coming together, greater than all your plotting.’
‘And now?’
Theodora shook her head. ‘I don’t know. Out there I had a purpose, I was one of Menander’s girls, working backstage, working on my back, what could be harder? Later, in the main theatre company, and again with Macedonia in Antioch, I played roles in order to survive. Now the real struggle is to live the role. I must be Augusta all the time.’
‘And the purple is too heavy a burden?’
‘I was raised in the Hippodrome, Narses, I understand as well as you that our ceremonies are theatre. What feels real is my marriage. So I have to put my hope in the possibility that our coming together, as August and Augusta, is meant. If I can find the reason for being beside him, I might feel that it’s not just fate pushing me around. Meanwhile, I waste time being cruel to bastards like that fat patrician last week, simply because I can.’
Narses raised an eyebrow and Theodora smiled, brought back from the edge of frustrated tears by how well the older man understood her. ‘Yes,’ she added, ‘and because it makes me laugh.’
He bowed then. ‘In that case, perhaps now is the time to tell you Ana is pregnant.’
‘My Ana?’
Narses nodded.
‘Dear God,’ Theodora shook her head, ‘I had no idea she had guts enough to talk to a man, let alone screw one. Do we have any idea who’s the lucky boy?’
‘It seems we’ve all been underestimating your daughter,’ he grinned, ‘she’s been sleeping with Probus’ son.’
Theodora laughed aloud then at the idea that her bastard daughter should have been secretly sleeping with not only a member of the Palace elite, but the great-nephew of Anastasius, who had ruled for twenty-seven years before Justinian’s uncle Justin was Emperor. Given her own lack of illustrious antecedents, it couldn’t have been a better match.
‘Let’s get them married, and quickly. With any luck it’ll silence that bitch Pasara, she’s been making sure we hear about her own new pregnancy night and day. You know she’s planning to call the child Justin if it’s a boy?’
Narses’ reply was noncommittal, ‘I believe the Emperor approves of the name?’
‘He’s more trusting than I am, sees it as a mark of respect for his uncle. And you know as well as I do that my lack of children in the purple has always delighted Pasara. So, Ana’s pregnancy is doubly pleasing: not only will we have a child in our own household, but Probus is bound to be related to the Anicii somehow. I’m sure Pasara will love to hear that my flesh and blood is polluting her own pure breed.’
*
Theodora’s show of joy in her daughter’s pregnancy and Pasara’s certain discomfort evaporated as soon as Narses left her. She and Pasara were almost the same age, relatively old to bear children, but certainly capable of doing so if only years mattered. Comito had announced her own pregnancy in the spring, and Antonina, older still, was also talking about her hopes for a child – Belisarius was young for one so successful, he wanted a son to follow him.
Justinian came to her rooms in the evening, as he often did, wanting a chance to talk together without courtiers and staff listening in. He knew about the scar, low across her belly, from when she had been so ill in the desert, he was the only one she never needed to pretend with.
‘They’re everywhere, damn pregnant women.’
‘The sages would say it’s a sign of a healthy court.’
‘The sages would point out that I am barren.’
‘Your daughter’s making you a grandmother. That’s
‘I know you believe you made all this happen,’ she said, ‘you and Timothy, bringing me to Justinian. But I could have refused you, gone back to my old life.’
‘And why didn’t you?’
‘I fell in love. I didn’t expect it, you certainly didn’t, but my rise to this place was so unlikely I used to hope there was something fated in our coming together, greater than all your plotting.’
‘And now?’
Theodora shook her head. ‘I don’t know. Out there I had a purpose, I was one of Menander’s girls, working backstage, working on my back, what could be harder? Later, in the main theatre company, and again with Macedonia in Antioch, I played roles in order to survive. Now the real struggle is to live the role. I must be Augusta all the time.’
‘And the purple is too heavy a burden?’
‘I was raised in the Hippodrome, Narses, I understand as well as you that our ceremonies are theatre. What feels real is my marriage. So I have to put my hope in the possibility that our coming together, as August and Augusta, is meant. If I can find the reason for being beside him, I might feel that it’s not just fate pushing me around. Meanwhile, I waste time being cruel to bastards like that fat patrician last week, simply because I can.’
Narses raised an eyebrow and Theodora smiled, brought back from the edge of frustrated tears by how well the older man understood her. ‘Yes,’ she added, ‘and because it makes me laugh.’
He bowed then. ‘In that case, perhaps now is the time to tell you Ana is pregnant.’
‘My Ana?’
Narses nodded.
‘Dear God,’ Theodora shook her head, ‘I had no idea she had guts enough to talk to a man, let alone screw one. Do we have any idea who’s the lucky boy?’
‘It seems we’ve all been underestimating your daughter,’ he grinned, ‘she’s been sleeping with Probus’ son.’
Theodora laughed aloud then at the idea that her bastard daughter should have been secretly sleeping with not only a member of the Palace elite, but the great-nephew of Anastasius, who had ruled for twenty-seven years before Justinian’s uncle Justin was Emperor. Given her own lack of illustrious antecedents, it couldn’t have been a better match.
‘Let’s get them married, and quickly. With any luck it’ll silence that bitch Pasara, she’s been making sure we hear about her own new pregnancy night and day. You know she’s planning to call the child Justin if it’s a boy?’
Narses’ reply was noncommittal, ‘I believe the Emperor approves of the name?’
‘He’s more trusting than I am, sees it as a mark of respect for his uncle. And you know as well as I do that my lack of children in the purple has always delighted Pasara. So, Ana’s pregnancy is doubly pleasing: not only will we have a child in our own household, but Probus is bound to be related to the Anicii somehow. I’m sure Pasara will love to hear that my flesh and blood is polluting her own pure breed.’
*
Theodora’s show of joy in her daughter’s pregnancy and Pasara’s certain discomfort evaporated as soon as Narses left her. She and Pasara were almost the same age, relatively old to bear children, but certainly capable of doing so if only years mattered. Comito had announced her own pregnancy in the spring, and Antonina, older still, was also talking about her hopes for a child – Belisarius was young for one so successful, he wanted a son to follow him.
Justinian came to her rooms in the evening, as he often did, wanting a chance to talk together without courtiers and staff listening in. He knew about the scar, low across her belly, from when she had been so ill in the desert, he was the only one she never needed to pretend with.
‘They’re everywhere, damn pregnant women.’
‘The sages would say it’s a sign of a healthy court.’
‘The sages would point out that I am barren.’
‘Your daughter’s making you a grandmother. That’s
Similar Books
