canât say, âYes, Dhugal, I definitely would have acknowledged the marriage and the son I didnât know I had?ââ
âIâsuppose not,â Dhugal said in a small voice. âAs you said before, weâll never know.â He swallowed noisily and raised his chin higher, but he could not sustain eye contact.
âThereâs something else I have to ask, though,â he said. âAnd in light of how things have turned out, perhaps itâs even more important.â
âIâll answer if I can, son.â
âYou went ahead and made your vows. You became a priest. But you knew you were Deryni.â
âWell, of course, butââ
âWhy do you continue to deny what you did, then, and what you are?â Dhugal blurted, turning to gaze at his father with the uncompromising eyes of youth. âYouâre Deryni and youâre a priest. And youâre a good priest! Youâve proven by many years of faithful and righteous service that the two are not incompatible. There were Deryni priests before the Restoration, for Godâs sake, and they were good ones, too!â
âThatâs true,â Duncan whispered.
âThen, why donât you admit it? Why keep playing these games of not answering either way? What can they do to you?â
Duncan could feel his heart pounding like a battering ram at the walls of his chest and he prayed Dhugal would drop the line of questioning.
âThere are a great many things they could do, son.â
âBut they wonât . They didnât . Some of the bishops know, and all of them surely suspect. You heard Wolfram today! And they knew it before they elected you a bishop.â
âYes, and Edmund Loris knew, too,â Duncan retorted, fists clenching involuntarily as the memory of the renegade archbishopâs tortures loomed unbeckoned in his mindâs eye. The nails had grown back on his fingers and toes, and his other wounds had healed, but the nightmare of being chained to the stake, with the flames leaping up around him, beginning to lick at his flesh, would be with Duncan McLain until the day he died.
But the invoking of Lorisâ name had brought Dhugal back to the reality of what could happen, for it was he who had fought his way through the fire and Lorisâ men to save his father. Dhugal gasped as he realized what memories he had stirred and he shifted his gaze out to the rain again.
âIâm sorry,â he said quietly. âI have no right to ask that of you. Iâm new to knowing what I am. Youâve had to live with it all your life. It has to be your decision. Itâs just that Morgan and Kelson are able to be so openââ
âAnd youâd like to be, too, wouldnât you?â Duncan replied softly. âI know, son. Believe me, Iâve thought about it often, butââ
He broke off as Morgan stepped into the opening of the alcove, clearing his throat to announce his presence.
âSorry to interrupt,â Morgan said. âDuncan, had you forgotten we have some important further business with Bishop Arilan?â
Duncan blinked and shook his head. He had not forgotten, but he was not looking forward to it. Dhugal and Kelson did not know it yet, but tonight was the night that Morgan and Duncan had agreed Arilan should expose the two young men to merasha for the first time. The very notion made Duncanâs stomach queasy, for Loris had given him the drug when he fell captive of the renegade archbishop the summer before. It acted only as a sedative in humans, but even a minute amount could render a Deryni totally incapable of using his powers. Morgan, too, had cause to know merasha âs dangers from bitter firsthand experience, but it was important that both Dhugal and the king experience its disruptive effects in a safe, controlled setting before they chanced encountering it in less favorable circumstances. There was no antidote, but
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