to hash everything out in person and she agreed. We had a bit of trouble finding a time that would work for us both, but we finally settled on Tuesday night. She was to have dinner with Julie at the Madison House, and I would pick her up at 8:30 so that we could go somewhere and talk.
My first mistake was arriving early. My second mistake was going inside the Maddy to collect her. Julie wasn’t there at all. Instead, I found Aubrey locked in an intimate embrace with Matt Miller. I did the only thing I felt I could do in that moment: I turned tail and ran. The rest is sordid, pathetic, post break-up history. I came home, almost had another panic attack, got drunk, woke up on Wednesday and puked my guts out, and then I went to class. Aubrey was absent. Thank Christ.
Looking back over the week, I know I haven’t handled things well. I’ve received a few random texts from Aubrey, wanting to “explain.” I’m not ready to hear her excuses, not quite prepared to have my nose rubbed in my inadequacy. No doubt she thinks I should have stayed at the Madison on Tuesday and taken my defeat as a man. Well, there’s no way that was happening. If I’d stayed, an ugly scene would have ensued. I imagine it would have looked something like this:
Me: Well, Aubrey, now I understand what you meant the other night. Thanks for clearing up my confusion.
Aubrey: What do you mean?
Me: When you said “whatever”? Obviously you meant, “sure you can call, but I might be going at it with my so-called roommate.”
Matt Miller: Dude, why don’t you fuck off? You can see the lady’s not interested.
(This is the part where my fist makes contact with his face.)
Random bar patrons: Aubrey, why is your TA beating the shit out of your roommate-slash-boyfriend?
Aubrey: Oh, you know, he’s a bit of a head case. Definitely a loose cannon.
My dad: I told you something like this would happen, Daniel, but you didn’t listen…
My father was not at the Madison. I have no idea how he made his way into this imaginary tableau. I guess he must be talking to me from his perch on my left shoulder. Fuck, I need a drink. Yeah, I know drinking won’t help.
Whatever.
Friday, March 13
What makes a kiss so incredible? What exactly is it about the pressing together of lips and the warm mingling of tongues that drives me so wild? I’ve always been a sucker for a woman who knows how to kiss, but when it’s Aubrey’s lips and tongue in question, how the FUCK am I supposed to restrain myself?
Yes, my whole world has been flipped on its ass. Yesterday was a life-changing day for me, and I’m not saying that to be dramatic (for once). I think the actions I took yesterday quite literally altered my fate, and Aubrey’s too, because if I hadn’t done what I did, she might be well on her way to dating someone else right now, and I’m hazarding a guess that someone else is Shawn Ward. (Although I can’t be sure, I’ve seen the way he’s been looking at her lately and I don’t like it…)
I’d like to claim responsibility for the wisdom of my actions this evening—would love to give myself a congratulatory pat on the back for swallowing my pride and finally comprehending the consequences of my cowardice, but I can’t. I owe my reconciliation with Aubrey almost entirely to Matt Miller. Yes, I’m talking about the person I could have cheerfully strangled several times over the last few weeks. Now I’m considering sending the guy a fucking fruit basket.
He made a special trip to confront me earlier today after a tutorial that may well have been one of the most mind bogglingly frustrating hours of my life. Aubrey was an absolute firecracker, and while I wanted to shake some sense into her during the tutorial, I can see in retrospect that I’m the one who needed a good tooth-rattling shake. At the time, oblivious to the truth, I thought she was being irrationally supercilious, but now I realize her contempt was well-founded.
Matt, obviously aware
My first mistake was arriving early. My second mistake was going inside the Maddy to collect her. Julie wasn’t there at all. Instead, I found Aubrey locked in an intimate embrace with Matt Miller. I did the only thing I felt I could do in that moment: I turned tail and ran. The rest is sordid, pathetic, post break-up history. I came home, almost had another panic attack, got drunk, woke up on Wednesday and puked my guts out, and then I went to class. Aubrey was absent. Thank Christ.
Looking back over the week, I know I haven’t handled things well. I’ve received a few random texts from Aubrey, wanting to “explain.” I’m not ready to hear her excuses, not quite prepared to have my nose rubbed in my inadequacy. No doubt she thinks I should have stayed at the Madison on Tuesday and taken my defeat as a man. Well, there’s no way that was happening. If I’d stayed, an ugly scene would have ensued. I imagine it would have looked something like this:
Me: Well, Aubrey, now I understand what you meant the other night. Thanks for clearing up my confusion.
Aubrey: What do you mean?
Me: When you said “whatever”? Obviously you meant, “sure you can call, but I might be going at it with my so-called roommate.”
Matt Miller: Dude, why don’t you fuck off? You can see the lady’s not interested.
(This is the part where my fist makes contact with his face.)
Random bar patrons: Aubrey, why is your TA beating the shit out of your roommate-slash-boyfriend?
Aubrey: Oh, you know, he’s a bit of a head case. Definitely a loose cannon.
My dad: I told you something like this would happen, Daniel, but you didn’t listen…
My father was not at the Madison. I have no idea how he made his way into this imaginary tableau. I guess he must be talking to me from his perch on my left shoulder. Fuck, I need a drink. Yeah, I know drinking won’t help.
Whatever.
Friday, March 13
What makes a kiss so incredible? What exactly is it about the pressing together of lips and the warm mingling of tongues that drives me so wild? I’ve always been a sucker for a woman who knows how to kiss, but when it’s Aubrey’s lips and tongue in question, how the FUCK am I supposed to restrain myself?
Yes, my whole world has been flipped on its ass. Yesterday was a life-changing day for me, and I’m not saying that to be dramatic (for once). I think the actions I took yesterday quite literally altered my fate, and Aubrey’s too, because if I hadn’t done what I did, she might be well on her way to dating someone else right now, and I’m hazarding a guess that someone else is Shawn Ward. (Although I can’t be sure, I’ve seen the way he’s been looking at her lately and I don’t like it…)
I’d like to claim responsibility for the wisdom of my actions this evening—would love to give myself a congratulatory pat on the back for swallowing my pride and finally comprehending the consequences of my cowardice, but I can’t. I owe my reconciliation with Aubrey almost entirely to Matt Miller. Yes, I’m talking about the person I could have cheerfully strangled several times over the last few weeks. Now I’m considering sending the guy a fucking fruit basket.
He made a special trip to confront me earlier today after a tutorial that may well have been one of the most mind bogglingly frustrating hours of my life. Aubrey was an absolute firecracker, and while I wanted to shake some sense into her during the tutorial, I can see in retrospect that I’m the one who needed a good tooth-rattling shake. At the time, oblivious to the truth, I thought she was being irrationally supercilious, but now I realize her contempt was well-founded.
Matt, obviously aware
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