fate. There’s no going back now.
That divine kiss paved the way for the most amazing good night embrace (which is probably best described as a make-out session), during which I ached to touch her and I couldn’t restrain myself. I caressed her leg, slipped my fingers under her dress and teased at the edge of her stockings, mere inches away from paradise. All this happened in the front seat of my car. We were like a couple of teenagers with no place to go, and I suppose, in truth, there is nowhere safe for us. On campus, we’re at the mercy of prying eyes; at my condo, I’d be a danger to both of us, incapable of controlling myself.
(Although how I wish I could put that claim to the test. The thought of spending the night with her in my arms is driving me wild.)
Her delicious lips and soft skin will be my ruination. She knows how desperately I want her. I couldn’t resist telling her at last, whispering my deepest desires, just as I’d wanted to do that night four weeks ago today, in the dark of the Hart House theater. I’m a throbbing mess just thinking about the way her warm thighs parted under my touch and the feel of her breathy sighs against my neck….
Fuck…I can’t torture myself like this anymore. The only safe place for me now is the shower…
Saturday, March 14
I’ve never considered myself a flake, prone to believing in lucky charms or talismans, spirits or sixth senses. This evening, I might be convinced to revise that world view. I would have been tempted to consider yesterday’s fortuitous turn of events a fluke if it weren’t for the fact that Matt Miller was so clearly the mastermind behind my reconciliation with Aubrey. But what happened to me this afternoon, I can’t dismiss as coincidence, especially when coupled with something Aubrey said last night.
The morning passed ordinarily enough. I dropped by my parents’ place for breakfast and mom gave me some plants to drop off at Penny and Brad’s. I delivered the plants and helped Brad move some heavy pieces of furniture around. While I was there, I took a few moments to call Aubrey, so grateful for the return of the easy banter we’d been starting to enjoy before things fell apart last week. I confirmed our dinner plans at Patty’s for tomorrow, and we left things at that.
I felt good, relieved at the reconciliation and looking forward to taking her to Patty’s. I know my grandmother is going to like her, and it goes without saying that Aubrey will think Patty’s great. Even so, driving home from Penny and Brad’s and still thinking ahead to tomorrow evening’s dinner, an uneasiness began to brew in my mind. Perhaps thinking about Patty was stirring up thoughts of my grandfather, making me question what he would think now that I’ve truly crossed the line with Aubrey.
So I turned around, and instead of going home, I drove out to High Park to sit on my grandfather’s bench, something I haven’t done in quite a while. I don’t know if I thought going there would clear my head, or make me feel closer to him and therefore help me to get a handle on what he’d think. I honestly don’t remember because what ended up happening was so strange, it wiped out all recollection of rational motivations.
I sat there mumbling away to my grandfather as I’m so prone to doing when I sit on his bench. I told him about Aubrey, said I wished he could have met her and given me his blessing, and then I confessed that I worried he might be disappointed in me for behaving so unscrupulously. My rambling was interrupted by a woman who was walking her Black Lab—or more aptly, I was interrupted by the Lab dragging the woman toward the bench. The dog jumped around excitedly, sniffing at me and wagging its tail maniacally, all but grabbing my leg and humping me.
The woman was embarrassed and apologetic, explaining that she’s been walking Lucky in High Park for years, and when the dog was young, an elderly couple would often be sitting on the bench
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