need is for it to start bucketing and this maniac to start bouncing off lampposts. He really does think he’s Gene Kelly. Scary. Very scary, indeed.
“The sun’s in my heart. And I’m ready for –”
Lightening – fast, Paul grabbed Willie by the shirt. “I know what you’ll be ready for if you don’t shut up. You’re bringing attention to us, you maniac.”
Defeated, Willie continued the journey in silence.
It wasn’t a two-minute walk. More like seven minutes. But when they reached Willie’s house, Paul felt relieved, as if reaching the sanctuary of a castle.
“Wait here, mate. I’ll be back in a second.”
Mate? No, that isn’t part of the deal,
thought Paul, watchingthe figure disappear up the stairs.
Cream and goodbye
.
Willie’s judgement of time seemed totally out of sync with reality. A second turned into a minute; a minute turned plural, and just as Paul turned to leave, Willie came rushing down the stairs, taking the steps two at a time.
“Sorry, mate. I couldn’t find, it for a while. He had it hid.” Willie was breathless. “Here, get that slapped on your face. Bloody magic, that stuff. My da swears by it.”
“Put it on here? Now?” asked an incredulous Paul. “Go home with cream all over my face like some woman out for the night? Wouldn’t I look the right one? Are you trying to wind me up, Will
ie?
”
“No! I wouldn’t do that, mate. But my da uses that every night. He’d go totally buck-mad if it was gone.”
“Buck-mad? I’m the one who must be buck-mad, listening to a raving lunatic like you.” Despite his reluctance, Paul knew he had little choice, and slowly dabbed the cream all over his face. It felt un-natural, girlish, but he was encouraged by the words of Willie.
“You can hardly see the cream, mate. And in the dark, no one will notice it. I’m telling ya, my da –”
“I know, swears by it. And stop calling me mate. We’re not mates. Understand?”
“Okay, Paul,” smiled Willie, undaunted.
“How come you know my name? I never told you it.”
“Are you kidding? Everyone knows you. Paul Goodman. The man you don’t fuck with.”
Paul felt his face go red and wondered if it was the cream burning his skin?
“Well … here, take your cream … thanks …”
“No sweat, Paul. Do you want me to walk you home? Badger and the gang will be over at –”
“No! No … I’ll manage.”
It was only the next morning when the miracle happened, did Paul appreciate the strange encounter he had had with the even stranger William Short. The swelling in his face had mysteriously disappeared. Only a few lines of damaged skin tissue turned purple and blue revealed any trace of the hammering the night before.
“Amazing. A fuckingmazing …” whispered Paul, studying his face in the mirror, delighted. He was so delighted, in fact, he decide to call over to William’s house to thank him.
When Willie saw Paul at his door he couldn’t believe it, such was his joy. No one had ever called for him. No one. So startling was this development that the neighbours glanced out their windows, witnesses to an event they believed was not possible.
“Look,” said Paul, sheepishly, “I just want to say thanks … you were right, the cream was magic. Even
I
swear by it, now.”
They both laughed. Willie’s mother, working in the kitchen, smiled. It was a long time since she had heard her son laugh. Willie’s father, up-stairs preparing for the afternoon shift at the steel works, nodded to himself. He always knew his son would be okay
“Can you get me the name of that cream? I’m gonna tell my trainer about it. He’d love that sort of thing.”
“You can get it over in
Thompson’s.
”
“The chemist shop?”
“Yes, over on Clifton Street.”
“What’s it called?”
“
Easy Shift
. It’s haemorrhoid cream.”
“Hema what cream?” asked Paul, puzzled by this strange sounding name.
“Haemorrhoid cream. You know, piles.”
“Piles? Piles of
“The sun’s in my heart. And I’m ready for –”
Lightening – fast, Paul grabbed Willie by the shirt. “I know what you’ll be ready for if you don’t shut up. You’re bringing attention to us, you maniac.”
Defeated, Willie continued the journey in silence.
It wasn’t a two-minute walk. More like seven minutes. But when they reached Willie’s house, Paul felt relieved, as if reaching the sanctuary of a castle.
“Wait here, mate. I’ll be back in a second.”
Mate? No, that isn’t part of the deal,
thought Paul, watchingthe figure disappear up the stairs.
Cream and goodbye
.
Willie’s judgement of time seemed totally out of sync with reality. A second turned into a minute; a minute turned plural, and just as Paul turned to leave, Willie came rushing down the stairs, taking the steps two at a time.
“Sorry, mate. I couldn’t find, it for a while. He had it hid.” Willie was breathless. “Here, get that slapped on your face. Bloody magic, that stuff. My da swears by it.”
“Put it on here? Now?” asked an incredulous Paul. “Go home with cream all over my face like some woman out for the night? Wouldn’t I look the right one? Are you trying to wind me up, Will
ie?
”
“No! I wouldn’t do that, mate. But my da uses that every night. He’d go totally buck-mad if it was gone.”
“Buck-mad? I’m the one who must be buck-mad, listening to a raving lunatic like you.” Despite his reluctance, Paul knew he had little choice, and slowly dabbed the cream all over his face. It felt un-natural, girlish, but he was encouraged by the words of Willie.
“You can hardly see the cream, mate. And in the dark, no one will notice it. I’m telling ya, my da –”
“I know, swears by it. And stop calling me mate. We’re not mates. Understand?”
“Okay, Paul,” smiled Willie, undaunted.
“How come you know my name? I never told you it.”
“Are you kidding? Everyone knows you. Paul Goodman. The man you don’t fuck with.”
Paul felt his face go red and wondered if it was the cream burning his skin?
“Well … here, take your cream … thanks …”
“No sweat, Paul. Do you want me to walk you home? Badger and the gang will be over at –”
“No! No … I’ll manage.”
It was only the next morning when the miracle happened, did Paul appreciate the strange encounter he had had with the even stranger William Short. The swelling in his face had mysteriously disappeared. Only a few lines of damaged skin tissue turned purple and blue revealed any trace of the hammering the night before.
“Amazing. A fuckingmazing …” whispered Paul, studying his face in the mirror, delighted. He was so delighted, in fact, he decide to call over to William’s house to thank him.
When Willie saw Paul at his door he couldn’t believe it, such was his joy. No one had ever called for him. No one. So startling was this development that the neighbours glanced out their windows, witnesses to an event they believed was not possible.
“Look,” said Paul, sheepishly, “I just want to say thanks … you were right, the cream was magic. Even
I
swear by it, now.”
They both laughed. Willie’s mother, working in the kitchen, smiled. It was a long time since she had heard her son laugh. Willie’s father, up-stairs preparing for the afternoon shift at the steel works, nodded to himself. He always knew his son would be okay
“Can you get me the name of that cream? I’m gonna tell my trainer about it. He’d love that sort of thing.”
“You can get it over in
Thompson’s.
”
“The chemist shop?”
“Yes, over on Clifton Street.”
“What’s it called?”
“
Easy Shift
. It’s haemorrhoid cream.”
“Hema what cream?” asked Paul, puzzled by this strange sounding name.
“Haemorrhoid cream. You know, piles.”
“Piles? Piles of
Similar Books
