is happy enough, almost ecstatic. That’s a help in a way but it is more unfortunate. Your Aunt Sophie will help all she can. We shall all have to be gentle with Dolly. She has had a very hard life. She adored her sister who drowned herself because of her own pregnancy. So now you see why we are worried about Dolly.”
“You don’t think Dolly will kill herself?”
“On the contrary. She seems delighted at the prospect.”
“ ‘My soul doth magnify the Lord’… and all that,” I quoted irreverently.
My mother looked at me intently. “Perhaps I shouldn’t be telling you all this. Sometimes, Jessica, I forget how young you are.”
“I’m quite knowledgeable. One learns about these things. I knew about Jane Abbey’s baby before she had it.”
“Your father thinks you are wise beyond your years.”
“Does he?”
“But most parents think there is something special about their offspring.”
“But my father is not like most parents. He would only think it if it were so.”
She laughed and ruffled my hair. “Don’t say too much about Dolly, will you? Not just yet. Of course it will come out and there’ll be a lot of gossip. But don’t set it going.”
“Of course not. I’ll only tell Amaryllis; and she never talks about anything if you tell her not to.”
I went away and thought a good deal about Dolly. Oddly enough I was to talk to her soon after my conversation with my mother.
I went over one day to see Aunt Sophie. Jeanne told me she was sleeping so I went into the garden to wait for a while and whom should I see there but Dolly.
She looked different. There was no thickening of her figure yet but there was a certain transformation in her face. The drawn-down eye was less noticeable. There was a little colour in her cheeks and the visible eye shone with a certain delight and, yes … defiance.
She was more talkative than I had ever known her.
I did not, of course, refer to the subject. It was she who brought it up.
“I suppose you know about me?”
I admitted I did.
“I’m glad,” she said. She gave me that odd look. “In a way you’re to blame.”
“I? What have I done?”
“When you were a little baby I kidnapped you. Did you know that?”
“Yes,” I said.
“I thought you were the other one. I was going to kill her.”
“Kill Amaryllis! Whatever for?”
“Because she was alive … and oh … it’s an old story. But my sister had lost her lover and she killed herself. It was all mixed up with them at Eversleigh. It was their fault that it had happened. She was going away with her lover and I was going with her to look after the little baby.”
“You mean … you wanted revenge through Amaryllis?”
“Something like that.”
“But Amaryllis … she is the most inoffensive person I ever knew. She would never do anyone any harm.”
“It was because she was a baby and I’d lost Evie’s. But I took you instead … the wrong baby, you see. I had you up in my room hidden away. I was afraid you were going to cry. You were the most lovely baby I had ever seen. I used to try to make myself believe you were Evie’s baby. You used to smile at me when I spoke to you. I just loved you when you were a baby. That was when above everything I wanted a baby of my own. It was you who started it. And now I’m going to have one.”
“You seem very happy about it.”
“I always wanted a little baby… ever since I took you. I thought I’d look after Evie’s. I don’t care what people say. It will be worth it to have a little baby. You’d like to know about it, wouldn’t you?”
I did not speak for a moment. I looked into her face and I thought of her dancing round the bonfire on Trafalgar night.
“And … the baby’s father?” I said weakly.
She smiled, reminiscently, I thought.
I said: “Was it… Romany Jake?”
She did not deny it. “He used to sing those songs for me. No one ever cared about me before. He said life was meant for enjoying. There should be
“You don’t think Dolly will kill herself?”
“On the contrary. She seems delighted at the prospect.”
“ ‘My soul doth magnify the Lord’… and all that,” I quoted irreverently.
My mother looked at me intently. “Perhaps I shouldn’t be telling you all this. Sometimes, Jessica, I forget how young you are.”
“I’m quite knowledgeable. One learns about these things. I knew about Jane Abbey’s baby before she had it.”
“Your father thinks you are wise beyond your years.”
“Does he?”
“But most parents think there is something special about their offspring.”
“But my father is not like most parents. He would only think it if it were so.”
She laughed and ruffled my hair. “Don’t say too much about Dolly, will you? Not just yet. Of course it will come out and there’ll be a lot of gossip. But don’t set it going.”
“Of course not. I’ll only tell Amaryllis; and she never talks about anything if you tell her not to.”
I went away and thought a good deal about Dolly. Oddly enough I was to talk to her soon after my conversation with my mother.
I went over one day to see Aunt Sophie. Jeanne told me she was sleeping so I went into the garden to wait for a while and whom should I see there but Dolly.
She looked different. There was no thickening of her figure yet but there was a certain transformation in her face. The drawn-down eye was less noticeable. There was a little colour in her cheeks and the visible eye shone with a certain delight and, yes … defiance.
She was more talkative than I had ever known her.
I did not, of course, refer to the subject. It was she who brought it up.
“I suppose you know about me?”
I admitted I did.
“I’m glad,” she said. She gave me that odd look. “In a way you’re to blame.”
“I? What have I done?”
“When you were a little baby I kidnapped you. Did you know that?”
“Yes,” I said.
“I thought you were the other one. I was going to kill her.”
“Kill Amaryllis! Whatever for?”
“Because she was alive … and oh … it’s an old story. But my sister had lost her lover and she killed herself. It was all mixed up with them at Eversleigh. It was their fault that it had happened. She was going away with her lover and I was going with her to look after the little baby.”
“You mean … you wanted revenge through Amaryllis?”
“Something like that.”
“But Amaryllis … she is the most inoffensive person I ever knew. She would never do anyone any harm.”
“It was because she was a baby and I’d lost Evie’s. But I took you instead … the wrong baby, you see. I had you up in my room hidden away. I was afraid you were going to cry. You were the most lovely baby I had ever seen. I used to try to make myself believe you were Evie’s baby. You used to smile at me when I spoke to you. I just loved you when you were a baby. That was when above everything I wanted a baby of my own. It was you who started it. And now I’m going to have one.”
“You seem very happy about it.”
“I always wanted a little baby… ever since I took you. I thought I’d look after Evie’s. I don’t care what people say. It will be worth it to have a little baby. You’d like to know about it, wouldn’t you?”
I did not speak for a moment. I looked into her face and I thought of her dancing round the bonfire on Trafalgar night.
“And … the baby’s father?” I said weakly.
She smiled, reminiscently, I thought.
I said: “Was it… Romany Jake?”
She did not deny it. “He used to sing those songs for me. No one ever cared about me before. He said life was meant for enjoying. There should be
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