The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time by Douglas Adams Page A

working consistently. And here we go into the home stretch. “So (sew), a needle pulling thread.” Yes, good. “La, a note to follow so ...” What? Excuse me? “La, a note to follow so ...” What kind of lame excuse for a line is that?
    Well, it’s obvious what kind of line it is. It’s a placeholder. A placeholder is what a writer puts in when he can’t think of the right line or idea just at the moment, but he’d better put in something and come back and fix it later. So, I imagine that Oscar Hammerstein just bunged in “a note to follow so” and thought he’d have another look at it in the morning.
    Only, when he came to have another look at it in the morning, he couldn’t come up with anything better.
    Or the next morning. Come on, he must have thought, this is simple. Isn’t it? “La ... a something, something ... what?” One can imagine rehearsals looming. Recording dates. Maybe he’d be able to fix it on the day. Maybe one of the cast would come up with the answer. But no. No one manages to fix it.
    And gradually a lame placeholder of a line became locked in place and is now formally part of the song, part of the movie, and so on. How difficult can it be? How about this for a suggestion? “La, a ... , a . .
    .”—well, I can’t think of one at the moment, but I think that if the whole world pulls together on this, we can crack it. And I think we shouldn’t let the century end with such a major popular song in such an embarrassing state of disarray.
    something ... what?” One can imagine rehearsals looming. Recording dates. Maybe he’d be able to fix it on the day. Maybe one of the cast would come up with the answer. But no. No one manages to fix it.
    And gradually a lame placeholder of a line became locked in place and is now formally part of the song, part of the movie, and so on. How difficult can it be? How about this for a suggestion? “La, a ... , a . .
    .”—well, I can’t think of one at the moment, but I think that if the whole world pulls together on this, we can crack it. And I think we shouldn’t let the century end with such a major popular song in such an embarrassing state of disarray.
    www.h2g2.com .
    The Independent on Sunday, NOVEMBER 1999
    The Dream Team DREAM FILM CAST: Sean Connery as God, John Cleese as the Angel Gabriel, and Goldie Hawn as Mother Theresa’s younger sister, Trudie. With a guest appearance by Bob Hoskins as Detective Inspector Phil Makepiece.
    DREAM ROCK BAND: My absolute dream rock band no longer: exists because their rhythm guitarist was shot. But I’d have their bass player because he is unquestionably the best. There may be more pyrotechnical players, but for sheer musicality, invention, and drive, there’s no one better than McCartney. He’d share vocals with Gary Brooker, the greatest soul voice of British rock and roll and a hell of a piano player. Two lead guitarists (they can take turns to play rhythm): Dave Gilmour, whom I’ve always wanted to hear play with Gary Brooker because they share a taste for huge drama and soaring melody lines; and Robbie Mclntosh, who is both a great blues rocker and an exquisite acoustic guitar picker. Drummer—Steve Gadd (remember “50 Ways”?). By the time you’ve got a band this size, you more or less have to have maestro Ray Cooper in it as well, on percussion, though it would also be very tempting to include the incredible woman percussionist whose name I don’t know from Van Morrison’s band. Strings? Brass section? Royal Philharmonic? A New Orleans jazz band? For all that, you’d need synth wizard Paul “Wix” Wickens. And a large truck. DREAM LOVER: The Dagenham Girl Pipers.
    With all due respect and love to my dear wife, there are some things that, however loving or tender your wife may be, only a large pipe band can give you.
    DREAM PROJECT: Given unlimited financial resources, I would love to fund a major research project into human origins, the transition from ape to man. A couple of years