promise. She had no
idea who I was ... she'd never know me again. I promise. I promise you …'
I took the SIG in my other hand, I was ready to blow his
fucking dumb head through the window.
' Craven, you stupid
motherfucker. You stupid son of a bitch … you never
heard of tempting fate? '
****
If I had been anything like the man I once was I
would have pulled the trigger myself, but he was gone. Pam had turned me
around, made me believe I could change ... and I did. I had changed so much
that I wasn't capable of living the life anymore. I'd grown soft; that's what
the meth was about. It was recreation to begin with, a break from carrying
shopping bags in Beverly Hills, some kind of reminder of the old days, the old
kicks. I knew I'd taken it too far. Pam knew that too — or maybe she was right
when she said I was never going anywhere.
' What the fuck happened? ' Lois yelled. Her blonde hair was tied back tight from her
face, it made her look harder than usual, her features seemed severe as she
squinted through the falling rain.
' Get in! I shouted. '
' What the fuck's going on? ' She looked at the dent on the fender, where Craven had hit
the girl … throwing her little body in the air.
' What happened? '
I let her get inside the Toyota, she looked at Craven
rocking to and fro and yelled at me again, ' Tell me
what the fuck is going on …'
' Take this, keep it on him. She
took the SIG Sauer from me. '
' What is this? '
' Never mind ... Did you get the
money? '
Lois wrestled the rucksack off her back, stayed calm. ' Every dime … let ' s
hope we get to hold onto it. '
I gripped the wheel tighter. I was already upping the
revs as we sped into the rain.
Lois spoke. ' Now, what happened back there? '
Craven was stirring, ' We're
finished ... the girl. That poor fucking girl. '
' What's he on about? '
I tried to keep the needle below eighty but I was
desperate to put some distance between us and the scene.
I felt a cold gun on my ear, ' I'm
not going to ask again, ' said Lois.
' We killed a fucking little girl
... she was in the fucking road! '
Lois turned back to Craven, he was still cradling his
head in his hands as I yelled, ' You fucking killed her
... you dumb bastard! You killed that girl when you spoke to Pam in the diner. '
' No. No. No. ' Craven mumbled and sobbed.
' You burned our luck ... You
fucking burned us! '
Lois couldn't take it anymore; she exploded. ' You spoke to her? You fucking spoke to the bitch! ' She levelled the gun at him. I turned, saw her eyes widen,
her breathing stilled. I tried to grab the gun — her shot broke the windscreen
— I went to right the wheels but the car was on the verge already. I pumped the
brakes but it only made matters worse. We fell into an uncontrollable skid.
The second the car turned over on its roof, I thought we
were all dead. As we rolled to a stop I wished I had died. Outside I tried to
find the courage to go and take the SIG from Lois but I knew Pam had been right
about me all along, I was going nowhere.
A little girl had died, but I did nothing.
Sometimes it was the thing to do.
Daddy's Girl
Ben the gimp racked up another bottle of Bud,
leaned over the bar, real conspiratorial, then blurted, 'He was fucking her for
years, y'know.'
I thought, not again. Some guys see you with an
eighteen-year-old in hot-pants, they get off on this shit. I grabbed the Bud,
watched a white head of grog float over the edge and caught it on my tongue.
'Straight up,' said Ben. He eyeballed me real close,
even let a fly settle on the bar, blinked at it, thought about a swipe, thought
again; watching me was obviously more interesting to him.
I slurped the beer. Ben's jaw jutted, a jagged line of
crooked teeth poked up like fence-posts ... and, what was that, drool? He was
drooling as he waited for me to go postal. Riding me for a move; the signs were
more subtle in the Joint.
'So, you, eh ... you know? Gonna take care of it?' he
said.
I'd been out just
idea who I was ... she'd never know me again. I promise. I promise you …'
I took the SIG in my other hand, I was ready to blow his
fucking dumb head through the window.
' Craven, you stupid
motherfucker. You stupid son of a bitch … you never
heard of tempting fate? '
****
If I had been anything like the man I once was I
would have pulled the trigger myself, but he was gone. Pam had turned me
around, made me believe I could change ... and I did. I had changed so much
that I wasn't capable of living the life anymore. I'd grown soft; that's what
the meth was about. It was recreation to begin with, a break from carrying
shopping bags in Beverly Hills, some kind of reminder of the old days, the old
kicks. I knew I'd taken it too far. Pam knew that too — or maybe she was right
when she said I was never going anywhere.
' What the fuck happened? ' Lois yelled. Her blonde hair was tied back tight from her
face, it made her look harder than usual, her features seemed severe as she
squinted through the falling rain.
' Get in! I shouted. '
' What the fuck's going on? ' She looked at the dent on the fender, where Craven had hit
the girl … throwing her little body in the air.
' What happened? '
I let her get inside the Toyota, she looked at Craven
rocking to and fro and yelled at me again, ' Tell me
what the fuck is going on …'
' Take this, keep it on him. She
took the SIG Sauer from me. '
' What is this? '
' Never mind ... Did you get the
money? '
Lois wrestled the rucksack off her back, stayed calm. ' Every dime … let ' s
hope we get to hold onto it. '
I gripped the wheel tighter. I was already upping the
revs as we sped into the rain.
Lois spoke. ' Now, what happened back there? '
Craven was stirring, ' We're
finished ... the girl. That poor fucking girl. '
' What's he on about? '
I tried to keep the needle below eighty but I was
desperate to put some distance between us and the scene.
I felt a cold gun on my ear, ' I'm
not going to ask again, ' said Lois.
' We killed a fucking little girl
... she was in the fucking road! '
Lois turned back to Craven, he was still cradling his
head in his hands as I yelled, ' You fucking killed her
... you dumb bastard! You killed that girl when you spoke to Pam in the diner. '
' No. No. No. ' Craven mumbled and sobbed.
' You burned our luck ... You
fucking burned us! '
Lois couldn't take it anymore; she exploded. ' You spoke to her? You fucking spoke to the bitch! ' She levelled the gun at him. I turned, saw her eyes widen,
her breathing stilled. I tried to grab the gun — her shot broke the windscreen
— I went to right the wheels but the car was on the verge already. I pumped the
brakes but it only made matters worse. We fell into an uncontrollable skid.
The second the car turned over on its roof, I thought we
were all dead. As we rolled to a stop I wished I had died. Outside I tried to
find the courage to go and take the SIG from Lois but I knew Pam had been right
about me all along, I was going nowhere.
A little girl had died, but I did nothing.
Sometimes it was the thing to do.
Daddy's Girl
Ben the gimp racked up another bottle of Bud,
leaned over the bar, real conspiratorial, then blurted, 'He was fucking her for
years, y'know.'
I thought, not again. Some guys see you with an
eighteen-year-old in hot-pants, they get off on this shit. I grabbed the Bud,
watched a white head of grog float over the edge and caught it on my tongue.
'Straight up,' said Ben. He eyeballed me real close,
even let a fly settle on the bar, blinked at it, thought about a swipe, thought
again; watching me was obviously more interesting to him.
I slurped the beer. Ben's jaw jutted, a jagged line of
crooked teeth poked up like fence-posts ... and, what was that, drool? He was
drooling as he waited for me to go postal. Riding me for a move; the signs were
more subtle in the Joint.
'So, you, eh ... you know? Gonna take care of it?' he
said.
I'd been out just
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