The Sun and Her Flowers by Rupi Kaur Page B

me
    did you enter her right as
    i asked the almighty
    to grant you all you wanted
    did you find it in her
    did you come crawling out of her
    with what you couldn’t in me
    what draws you to her
    tell me what you like
    so i can practice

    your absence is a missing limb

    questions
    there is a list of questions
    i want to ask but never will
    there is a list of questions
    i go through in my head
    every time i’m alone
    and my mind can’t stop itself from searching for you
    there is a list of questions i want to ask
so if you’re listening somewhere
    here i am asking them

    what do you think happens
    to the love that’s left behind
    when two lovers leave
    how blue do you think it gets
    before it passes away
    does it pass away
    or does it still exist somewhere
    waiting for us to come back
    when we lied to ourselves by
    calling this unconditional and left
    which one of us hurt more
    i shattered into a million little pieces
    and those pieces shattered into a million more
    crumbled into dust till
    there was nothing left of me but the silence
    tell me how love
    how did the grieving feel for you
    how did the mourning hurt
    how did you peel your eyes open after every blink
    knowing i’d never be there staring back
    it must be hard to live with what ifs
    there must always be this constant dull aching
    in the pit of your stomach
    trust me
    i feel it too
    how in the world did we get here
    how did we live through it
    and how are we still living
    how many months did it take
before you stopped thinking of me
    or are you still thinking of me
    cause if you are
    then maybe i am too
    thinking of you
    thinking of me
    with me
    in me
    around me
    everywhere
    you and me and us
    do you still touch yourself to thoughts of me
    do you still imagine my naked naked tiny tiny body
    pressed into yours
    do you still imagine the curve of my spine and
how you wanted to rip it out of me
    cause the way it dipped into my
perfectly rounded bottom
    drove you crazy
    baby
    sugar baby
    sweet baby
    ever since we left
    how many times did you pretend
    it was my hand stroking you
    how many times did you search for me in your fantasies
    and end up crying instead of coming
    don’t you lie to me
    i can tell when you’re lying
    cause there’s always that little bit of
arrogance in your response
    are you angry with me
    are you okay
    and would you tell me if you’re not
    and if we ever see each other again
    do you think you’d reach out and hold me
    like you said you would
    the last time we spoke and
you talked of the next time we would
    or do you think we’d just look
shake in our skin as we pine to
absorb as much as we can of each other
    cause by this time we’ve probably got
someone else waiting at home
    we were good together weren’t we
    and is it wrong that i’m asking you these questions
    tell me love
    that you have been
    looking for these answers too
    you call to tell me you miss me
    i turn to face the front door of the house
    waiting for a knock
    days later you call to say you need me
    but still aren’t here
    the dandelions on the lawn
    are rolling their eyes in disappointment
    the grass has declared you yesterday’s news
    what do i care
    if you love me
    or miss me
    or need me
    when you aren’t doing anything about it
    if i’m not the love of your life
    i’ll be the greatest loss instead
    where do we go from here my love
    when it’s over and i’m standing between us
    whose side do i run to
    when every nerve in my body is pulsing for you
    when my mouth waters at the thought
    when you are pulling me in just by standing there
    how do i turn around and choose myself

    day by day i realize
    everything i miss about you
    was never there in the first place
    - the person i fell in love with was a mirage
    they leave
    and act like it never happened
    they come back
    and act like they never left
    - ghosts

    i tried to find it
    but there was no answer
    at the end of the last conversation
    -