to the classroom seconds before Wally made his entrance
.
‘Class will stand,’ he croaked. ‘You shouldn’t need me to say that.’
We all got to our feet as he flapped in, wearing this moth-eaten old cloak which looked a couple of sizes too big for him. It stretched down past his ankles. But it was what he was holding in his hand that caused my blood to freeze: a cane
.
It was very long and thin, with a curled handle at one end. He placed it carefully, almost lovingly, at the end of his desk. Surely he would never use that – not with the hidden cameras on us. It was just a little prop
.
But then I remembered that huge form Mum had to sign before I appeared on the show. And I told Mum not to bother reading it all. Did one of those paragraphs give him permission to use the cane on me – just to add to the authentic atmosphere?
No, surely not. Canes have been totally abolished now. But I wasn’t exactly in ‘now’ at the moment. I was in some other ‘bonkers universe’ – or that’s what it felt like right then
.
‘I want silence, complete silence,’ said Wally. ‘And there’s still someone making a noise.’ I couldn’t hear a thing, but Wally went on glaring around at us. And as he did this he seemed to grow
.
No, honestly, he really did. He was like some huge inflatable man looming over us. He didn’t speak either, just went on eyeballing us all, while we waited tensely, expectantly, until there was a very deep hush, which was kind of eerie and uncomfortable
.
Finally, just to lighten the atmosphere, Leo whispered to me, ‘I didn’t know Dracula had a twin brother.’
But Wally heard him. He must have supersonic hearing. And he half shouted, half screeched at poor Leo, ‘I asked for silence, so why are you talking?’ Then he advanced forward, like some massive avenging bird. ‘You think you know everything, don’t you?’ he hissed at Leo
.
‘No, not everything . . .’ began Leo
.
‘How dare you answer me back!’ barked Wally. He picked up his cane and pointed it at Leo. ‘There are teachers here, young man, who have been on this earth a lot longer than you’ – no argument there, I thought – ‘and might just have something to teach you, if you’re prepared to listen and not make stupid, immature comments all the time. Do you understand?’
And even Leo didn’t try and be funny. He just nodded gravely
.
‘I will just remind you all,’ said Wally, ‘that while you are in my classroom you will conduct yourselves exactly as wartime pupils did. This means you do not ever talk or look around. You always give me your full attention and you never answer me back. Is that clear?’
We all murmured, ‘Yes, sir,’ in a half-hearted way
.
‘No, I want a proper response. Is that clear?’
Everyone – even Solly – called out, ‘Yes, sir,’ really loudly
.
‘Class may now sit,’ Wally announced. (Oh yes, we’d still been standing during all this carry-on.) ‘And all the time you are sitting you will keep your arms folded. Start now.’
And then the fun really began. Oh no, it didn’t. Of course it didn’t. Fun with Wally, who just has to appear somewhere to turn the air grey?
What actually happened was that Wally blathered questions about times tables for about two years, and then it was time for history with Miss Weed, who was a slightly better teacher than Wally. But the lesson was just about learning dates from
Our Island Story.
And then . . . then I must have slipped into a small coma because I can’t remember anything else about that first school day, except that I hated every grim, grimy second of it
.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
More About the First Evacuees
Zac
AT THE START of the day a mist hung over the farm, making it seem like an enchanted place. But outside I could hear the chickens and hens clucking and squawking about. It seemed such a friendly sound. And I felt enveloped suddenly with a deep, warm happiness.
‘We’ve landed in a wizard place,’ I
.
‘Class will stand,’ he croaked. ‘You shouldn’t need me to say that.’
We all got to our feet as he flapped in, wearing this moth-eaten old cloak which looked a couple of sizes too big for him. It stretched down past his ankles. But it was what he was holding in his hand that caused my blood to freeze: a cane
.
It was very long and thin, with a curled handle at one end. He placed it carefully, almost lovingly, at the end of his desk. Surely he would never use that – not with the hidden cameras on us. It was just a little prop
.
But then I remembered that huge form Mum had to sign before I appeared on the show. And I told Mum not to bother reading it all. Did one of those paragraphs give him permission to use the cane on me – just to add to the authentic atmosphere?
No, surely not. Canes have been totally abolished now. But I wasn’t exactly in ‘now’ at the moment. I was in some other ‘bonkers universe’ – or that’s what it felt like right then
.
‘I want silence, complete silence,’ said Wally. ‘And there’s still someone making a noise.’ I couldn’t hear a thing, but Wally went on glaring around at us. And as he did this he seemed to grow
.
No, honestly, he really did. He was like some huge inflatable man looming over us. He didn’t speak either, just went on eyeballing us all, while we waited tensely, expectantly, until there was a very deep hush, which was kind of eerie and uncomfortable
.
Finally, just to lighten the atmosphere, Leo whispered to me, ‘I didn’t know Dracula had a twin brother.’
But Wally heard him. He must have supersonic hearing. And he half shouted, half screeched at poor Leo, ‘I asked for silence, so why are you talking?’ Then he advanced forward, like some massive avenging bird. ‘You think you know everything, don’t you?’ he hissed at Leo
.
‘No, not everything . . .’ began Leo
.
‘How dare you answer me back!’ barked Wally. He picked up his cane and pointed it at Leo. ‘There are teachers here, young man, who have been on this earth a lot longer than you’ – no argument there, I thought – ‘and might just have something to teach you, if you’re prepared to listen and not make stupid, immature comments all the time. Do you understand?’
And even Leo didn’t try and be funny. He just nodded gravely
.
‘I will just remind you all,’ said Wally, ‘that while you are in my classroom you will conduct yourselves exactly as wartime pupils did. This means you do not ever talk or look around. You always give me your full attention and you never answer me back. Is that clear?’
We all murmured, ‘Yes, sir,’ in a half-hearted way
.
‘No, I want a proper response. Is that clear?’
Everyone – even Solly – called out, ‘Yes, sir,’ really loudly
.
‘Class may now sit,’ Wally announced. (Oh yes, we’d still been standing during all this carry-on.) ‘And all the time you are sitting you will keep your arms folded. Start now.’
And then the fun really began. Oh no, it didn’t. Of course it didn’t. Fun with Wally, who just has to appear somewhere to turn the air grey?
What actually happened was that Wally blathered questions about times tables for about two years, and then it was time for history with Miss Weed, who was a slightly better teacher than Wally. But the lesson was just about learning dates from
Our Island Story.
And then . . . then I must have slipped into a small coma because I can’t remember anything else about that first school day, except that I hated every grim, grimy second of it
.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
More About the First Evacuees
Zac
AT THE START of the day a mist hung over the farm, making it seem like an enchanted place. But outside I could hear the chickens and hens clucking and squawking about. It seemed such a friendly sound. And I felt enveloped suddenly with a deep, warm happiness.
‘We’ve landed in a wizard place,’ I
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