The Upside of Being Let Down (new adult romance - 1) by London Casey, Karolyn James
Authors: London Casey, Karolyn James
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off.
Pretending.
Pretending to be asleep... not
there... whatever.
Just pretending.
When the living room area light
turned on I had the urge to race back into the apartment and go after the door
again. I could be relentless. I could keep going, knocking, pounding.
The long blinds began to move and I
saw Angela ’ s face appear.
She looked down and our eyes
connected.
I just stared at her.
She just stared at me.
It lasted just a few seconds before
she hurried to close the blinds. Then the living room light went off and a few
seconds after that, her bedroom light went off.
Was that how she planned on living?
What a freaking loser.
I thought about texting her that
but decided against it. She ’ d
be the one who would spend her time looking over shoulder, worrying about me.
That was her choice, not mine.
I started my car and left.
I waved with my middle finger and was
gone.
To the road.
To find a place to sleep.
I went to an abandoned gas station.
It was near what now was my old apartment and it was dark and scary, but a
decent place to sleep. I snuck to the side of the building and parked my car. I
turned the lights off and let the radio surf again. More of the same songs,
talk shows, a baseball game, and dead air. It was late but not super late.
There were plenty of places still open. Fast food for one thing. I could go
grab a sandwich. Or not.
I looked to the backseat and
figured it was best to give in.
The sooner I went to sleep, the
sooner morning would come. Winnie always went home in the morning, always. I
could catch her there, in the safety of the daylight, well before Winnie became
Wicked.
I turned the car completely off and
took the keys out of the ignition. I left them on the front seat and climbed to
the backseat. As I did, my heart raced with a hurtful anger. The last time I
crawled into a backseat was the night I lost my virginity. I had a six month
rule that didn ’ t pan out so
well. How to find out if a guy really liked me or loved me. I thought I could
hold out and control everything. But I didn ’ t.
I lost it, literally. I lost it all. Even the guy.
Because he was in love with Wicked.
I put my pillow near the passenger
backdoor and tried to get comfy.
I looked at the roof of the car and
just waited for sleep.
But it never came.
I turned to my left, facing the
backseat. I tried to bury my face into the seat, hoping it would make me feel
comfortable, but that didn ’ t
work. When I ran out of air, it became hot and smelly.
I turned the other way, facing the
passenger seat.
Still nothing.
I pulled my blanket up over my head
and enjoyed the idea of sleep.
My eyes wanted to close, but that ’ s when all the thoughts came to
me. Everything that had happened. Everything leading to the point of sleeping
in the back of my fucking car.
More so, in the backseat... being
used .
I was always used.
By friends.
By family.
By boyfriends.
A lot of it pointed to Wicked and I
tried to hold back any negative feelings towards Wicked but what could I do?
How could I...
“ Come
on, AJ, just a little more... ”
I look into his eyes and they
look real. I mean, they are real. Eyes are real. He can see. He can drive, so
he can see. Right? It all makes sense.
His hand is on my leg so I open
my legs. I like to open my legs for him. I like the feel of his fingers against
me. I like the way he unbuttons my jeans and the way he plays with the line of
my panties before finally touching me.
I touch his leg.
I can tell he ’ s hard.
Rock hard.
I touch him and he groans and
sighs.
“ Fuck,
AJ, ” he whispers.
His lips touch my ear. His
tongue flicks at my neck.
This is the moment everyone
talks about. The moment when you battle right and wrong. The moment when you
battle yourself even. I set a rule, a golden rule.
Six months.
I ’ m an adult and I can make my own decisions.
I ’ m out of my parents ’ house, in my own dorm at school.
I make all decisions now.
Nobody but me.
And I
Pretending.
Pretending to be asleep... not
there... whatever.
Just pretending.
When the living room area light
turned on I had the urge to race back into the apartment and go after the door
again. I could be relentless. I could keep going, knocking, pounding.
The long blinds began to move and I
saw Angela ’ s face appear.
She looked down and our eyes
connected.
I just stared at her.
She just stared at me.
It lasted just a few seconds before
she hurried to close the blinds. Then the living room light went off and a few
seconds after that, her bedroom light went off.
Was that how she planned on living?
What a freaking loser.
I thought about texting her that
but decided against it. She ’ d
be the one who would spend her time looking over shoulder, worrying about me.
That was her choice, not mine.
I started my car and left.
I waved with my middle finger and was
gone.
To the road.
To find a place to sleep.
I went to an abandoned gas station.
It was near what now was my old apartment and it was dark and scary, but a
decent place to sleep. I snuck to the side of the building and parked my car. I
turned the lights off and let the radio surf again. More of the same songs,
talk shows, a baseball game, and dead air. It was late but not super late.
There were plenty of places still open. Fast food for one thing. I could go
grab a sandwich. Or not.
I looked to the backseat and
figured it was best to give in.
The sooner I went to sleep, the
sooner morning would come. Winnie always went home in the morning, always. I
could catch her there, in the safety of the daylight, well before Winnie became
Wicked.
I turned the car completely off and
took the keys out of the ignition. I left them on the front seat and climbed to
the backseat. As I did, my heart raced with a hurtful anger. The last time I
crawled into a backseat was the night I lost my virginity. I had a six month
rule that didn ’ t pan out so
well. How to find out if a guy really liked me or loved me. I thought I could
hold out and control everything. But I didn ’ t.
I lost it, literally. I lost it all. Even the guy.
Because he was in love with Wicked.
I put my pillow near the passenger
backdoor and tried to get comfy.
I looked at the roof of the car and
just waited for sleep.
But it never came.
I turned to my left, facing the
backseat. I tried to bury my face into the seat, hoping it would make me feel
comfortable, but that didn ’ t
work. When I ran out of air, it became hot and smelly.
I turned the other way, facing the
passenger seat.
Still nothing.
I pulled my blanket up over my head
and enjoyed the idea of sleep.
My eyes wanted to close, but that ’ s when all the thoughts came to
me. Everything that had happened. Everything leading to the point of sleeping
in the back of my fucking car.
More so, in the backseat... being
used .
I was always used.
By friends.
By family.
By boyfriends.
A lot of it pointed to Wicked and I
tried to hold back any negative feelings towards Wicked but what could I do?
How could I...
“ Come
on, AJ, just a little more... ”
I look into his eyes and they
look real. I mean, they are real. Eyes are real. He can see. He can drive, so
he can see. Right? It all makes sense.
His hand is on my leg so I open
my legs. I like to open my legs for him. I like the feel of his fingers against
me. I like the way he unbuttons my jeans and the way he plays with the line of
my panties before finally touching me.
I touch his leg.
I can tell he ’ s hard.
Rock hard.
I touch him and he groans and
sighs.
“ Fuck,
AJ, ” he whispers.
His lips touch my ear. His
tongue flicks at my neck.
This is the moment everyone
talks about. The moment when you battle right and wrong. The moment when you
battle yourself even. I set a rule, a golden rule.
Six months.
I ’ m an adult and I can make my own decisions.
I ’ m out of my parents ’ house, in my own dorm at school.
I make all decisions now.
Nobody but me.
And I
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