promised Petra.
âNo, I know. Iâm sorry,â I said again, feeling truly ashamed. What was I thinking? I was going to scare Demetria and get myself banned from visiting.
âKeep your voice down or youâll have to leave.â She went back to her table, shooting me one more dirty look. She scribbled something and I hoped it was only an answer to the crossword puzzle sheâd been working on.
Demetria seemed not to have noticed, back to staring at the wall.
I leaned closer. âI think you can hear me, Demetria.â I kept my voice low and soft, trying to coax her out. âAnd if you understand me, if you know what Iâm talking about, I can kind of see why you â¦â I glanced at her wrapped wrists. âWhy youâre here. It can drive you â¦â No, donât say crazy. âUm, well, it can make things hard. Really hard.â
She didnât look at me, but she blinked. A sign?
âI need your help,â I told her. âIf you know anything about it ⦠please ⦠Iâm kind of on my own here.â
She didnât move and her eyes were still far away. In my heart I knew we were done. I glanced back at the nurse, wondering if itâd be okay to touch Demetria, just to get her attention, try one more time to make some kind of connection. Thatâs when I saw him. Zander Dasios. Standing by the window. I was sure of it this time.
Immediately, he stepped out of view.
I looked at Demetriaâstill out to lunchâthen walked quickly to the doorway.
âAll done?â the nurse asked.
I shook my head. âJust need the ladiesâ room.â
I opened the door, my heart pounding at the thought of talking to Zander, but the hallway was empty.
I looked left and right, trotted to one end, then the other. Deserted. I stopped at the nursesâ station.
âThere was a guy here a minute ago. I saw him looking through the window in the lounge. Did he come back this way?â
The lady at the desk looked up from a stack of paperwork. âDidnât notice.â
âHe didnât check out?â
âNo. But a lot of visitors donât.â
âWell, can you tell me when he checked in?â
She frowned, but seeming eager to be rid of me, pulled out the log sheet, running her finger down it.
âThe last visitor, before you, checked in at 3:06 p.m.â
But it wasnât him. The name next to her finger was Joe Liguori. Zanderâs name was nowhere on the list.
She saw me looking and closed the book. âVisitor information is confidential.â
âIâm sorry,â I said. âDoes everyone who comes up here have to sign in?â
âEveryone,â she answered emphatically. I believed her. Iâd never gotten more than two steps onto the floor before someone was asking if they could help me.
I walked slowly back to the lounge, thinking how the brain works in funny ways, taking the unlikely scenario of Zander being here and turning it into the ridiculous. Because the first thing Iâd thoughtâmy insides doing a fluttery spin at the ideaâwas that Zander was here because heâd followed me.
I was embarrassed it even crossed my mind. I mean, really. Heâd decided the mental hospital was the perfect place to ask me out? Even though heâd never talked to me at school? Right. I shook my head.
Demetria was being escorted out of the lounge when I returned.
âVisiting time is over,â the nurse said.
âBut I just ran to the bathroom.â
âBathroomâs at the other end of the hall.â
âOh. Yeah, well, I got lost.â
She shook her head. âItâs time for her meds. Youâll have to come back another day.â
âOkay,â I said, forcing myself not to argue. âBye, Demetria. Iâll be back soon.â
Out of habit, I texted Jack on the train ride home: âvisited a friend at the hospital today. sheâs
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