The Watercress File: Being the Further Adventures of That Man from C. A. M. P.

The Watercress File: Being the Further Adventures of That Man from C. A. M. P. by V. J. Banis

Book: The Watercress File: Being the Further Adventures of That Man from C. A. M. P. by V. J. Banis Read Free Book Online
Authors: V. J. Banis
Tags: Humor, Gay, camp, parody, man from U.N.C.L.E.
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such sport. Jackie did not have the heart to tell them that it wasn’t all such fun. In any event, he was convinced that merely contemplating spying would keep them happily occupied for a few days.
    â€œNow,” Aunt Lily was saying, obviously enjoying her role as ringleader. “I’ve chosen a name for our organization. We’re going to call ourselves WATERCRESS.”
    â€œWATERCRESS?” Honey repeated.
    â€œI think it’s charming,” Nasturtia offered.
    â€œWhat does it mean?” Mari wanted to know.
    â€œWomen Acting Together, Enlightened, Righteous, Courageous, Responsible, Enterprising, Strong, and Sensible.”
    â€œBut that’s silly,” Honey protested with a pout. “You didn’t say anything about me. I’m not a woman.”
    Mari giggled, but Aunt Lily silenced her with a frown. “Well, darling, can’t you see, we can’t very well spell WATERCRESS with an M-it wouldn’t come out right. You’ll just have to be sort of a silent partner.”
    â€œI still don’t like it,” Honey grumbled.
    â€œI think it’s cute,” Mari decided. Jackie avoided making any comment. After all, it wasn’t his party.
    â€œBesides,” Aunt Lily went on. “We’ll make it up to you by giving you one of the more important roles in the organization. We’re going to make you our signal man.”
    â€œWhat’s that?”
    â€œThe man who gives signals, of course. Every secret organization has to have a communication system of some kind, and a code, just like Butterfly. Well, ours is going to be music.”
    â€œMusic?” Honey sounded dubious, but somewhat more interested.
    â€œOf course. Well have various pieces of music which each have a specific meaning. When you want to give us a message, you just play the ‘Moonlight Sonata’ to tell us of danger.”
    â€œI only know the first movement,” Honey reminded her.
    â€œI’m sure that’s all we’d need,” Aunt Lily insisted. “By the time you get that played, we should have gotten the message.”
    â€œBut that’s the only piece I know.”
    â€œWell, then, you’ll just have to learn some new ones, and inform us of what each one means.”
    Honey seemed pacified by that explanation, and lapsed into thoughtful silence, not even noticing Jackie’s hand which was still busy on Honey’s lap.
    The rest of the meeting was free of much argument, although this may have been accounted for in part by the fact that Nasturtia and Gladiola were both asleep by now. Aunt Lily herself would assume the responsibility of finding an outlet for their services.
    She shot Jackie a hopeful glance, but he shook his head. He did not think C.A.M.P. would particularly welcome the efforts of WATERCRESS as a partner. He could hardly wait, however, to see Craig Mathews’ reaction to the news. And at the thought of the handsome Irishman, Jackie felt a quickening of his pulse. He began to wish for Aunt Lily to cut her explanation short. Of a sudden, he was in a hurry to get back to bed, although he was not in the least sleepy.
    * * * *
    Late in the morning, Jackie paid a visit to the C.I.A. His excuse was a curiosity regarding any subsequent developments, although his real purpose was merely to see Craig again. Regrettably, Craig was out. Eventually he was greeted by a rather flirtatious Miss Temple, who proved to be the secretary of the C.I.A. chief himself.
    Miss Temple, one of the antiseptically pretty breed of women who somehow manage to find themselves in the government service, was more than a little interested in Jackie, which he found peculiar. She certainly would know who he was, that he worked for a homosexual organization and was presumably himself homosexual.
    But then, he reminded himself wearily, many women liked that—they seemed to regard it as a challenge, and fed their egos with the satisfaction of

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