twenty-one, the others are twenty.’ Leona applies a final coat of mascara before topping up her blusher.
Twenty? Dan is twenty? I thought he was older – my age at least – but he’s practically a boy. It explains the childishness, at least.
‘He likes you, you know.’ Leona gathers up her makeup, shoving it into her cosmetics bag. ‘I can tell. He’s sort of lit up since you’ve been around. Do you like him?’ Leona zips up her bag and turns to face me. She purses her lips and I feel myself wilt under her scrutiny.
‘Yes,’ I croak. ‘He’s a great guy.’
‘Dan’s the best.’ Leona checks her reflection one last time. ‘Not my type though. I prefer tits.’ Turning from the mirror, Leona marches out of the loo, but not before she’s given my boob a squeeze as she passes. I gape at her, not sure whether it actually happened or I imagined it. Did she seriously just fondle my boob?
‘Nice, by the way.’ Leona winks at me before the door swings shut behind her.
It’s official. This is the worst date ever.
Chapter 7
Mum, Dad & Pretend Gym Sessions
Text Message:
Mum: Hello? Delilah? Are you there, love?
Delilah: Mum, this is a text message. You don’t have to check if I’m here. Just say what you want to say.
Mum: Right you are. I’m at the shops. Does Lauren want to come for her tea tonight? And does she like Crispy Pancakes?
Mum and Dad – Raymond and Nancy James – have been married for over forty years. Mum was eighteen when she married Dad but they didn’t have their first child until she was thirty-two as they were having so much fun together. They travelled the world and even spent a year in a tiny camper van as they drove across Europe. They had no ties or responsibilities so they could do whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted. They’d party until dawn, have a quick kip and party some more. I can’t quite believe this when I look at my parents but they have photo evidence.
My sister Clara was a surprise (but a good surprise, they insist. I often wonder whether that’s true myself) and while they enjoyed the challenge of being parents and saw it as a new and enriching experience in their lives, it was another five years until I came along. I’m twenty-four now but Mum still sees me as a four-year-old in white frilly ankle socks and carrying a Danger Mouse lunchbox to school. It’s only in the last three months that I’ve convinced her to stop making me a packed lunch to take to work (thankfully not in a Danger Mouse lunchbox) and she still thinks fish fingers are my favourite food. Now, I’m not dissing fish fingers. They’re a fine food and nothing cures a hangover quite like a fish finger sandwich, but my tastes have broadened since I gave up the white frilly ankle socks. Ben used to take me to a seafood restaurant in town while we were together and there isn’t much I wouldn’t do for a lobster roll.
‘How was work, love?’ Mum asks as I flop down at the kitchen table. I haven’t even bothered to take my jacket off and my handbag is still slung across my chest.
Rubbish. Work was absolutely ball-achingly rubbish and I’ve felt the urge to stab Katey-Louise in the eye with a sharpened pencil on several occasions. I refrained, obviously, but only just.
‘Like that, is it?’ Mum asks when I simply lift my eyes to meet hers and let out a puff of air. ‘Well, that’s Mondays for you. But it’s over now – the boring bit, at least. Are you off out with your gentleman friend again tonight?’
I’d stupidly told Mum about my date with Dan, though I hadn’t revealed any of the gory details.
‘No, not tonight.’ Not ever.
‘Never mind. You’re getting back out there again and that’s the main thing.’ Mum flicks on the kettle and starts to arrange cups on the counter, dropping in teabags and spooning coffee and sugar accordingly. ‘It’ll do you good to date new people. It’s been a while since you and Ben broke up.’
Before he dumped me, she
Twenty? Dan is twenty? I thought he was older – my age at least – but he’s practically a boy. It explains the childishness, at least.
‘He likes you, you know.’ Leona gathers up her makeup, shoving it into her cosmetics bag. ‘I can tell. He’s sort of lit up since you’ve been around. Do you like him?’ Leona zips up her bag and turns to face me. She purses her lips and I feel myself wilt under her scrutiny.
‘Yes,’ I croak. ‘He’s a great guy.’
‘Dan’s the best.’ Leona checks her reflection one last time. ‘Not my type though. I prefer tits.’ Turning from the mirror, Leona marches out of the loo, but not before she’s given my boob a squeeze as she passes. I gape at her, not sure whether it actually happened or I imagined it. Did she seriously just fondle my boob?
‘Nice, by the way.’ Leona winks at me before the door swings shut behind her.
It’s official. This is the worst date ever.
Chapter 7
Mum, Dad & Pretend Gym Sessions
Text Message:
Mum: Hello? Delilah? Are you there, love?
Delilah: Mum, this is a text message. You don’t have to check if I’m here. Just say what you want to say.
Mum: Right you are. I’m at the shops. Does Lauren want to come for her tea tonight? And does she like Crispy Pancakes?
Mum and Dad – Raymond and Nancy James – have been married for over forty years. Mum was eighteen when she married Dad but they didn’t have their first child until she was thirty-two as they were having so much fun together. They travelled the world and even spent a year in a tiny camper van as they drove across Europe. They had no ties or responsibilities so they could do whatever they wanted, whenever they wanted. They’d party until dawn, have a quick kip and party some more. I can’t quite believe this when I look at my parents but they have photo evidence.
My sister Clara was a surprise (but a good surprise, they insist. I often wonder whether that’s true myself) and while they enjoyed the challenge of being parents and saw it as a new and enriching experience in their lives, it was another five years until I came along. I’m twenty-four now but Mum still sees me as a four-year-old in white frilly ankle socks and carrying a Danger Mouse lunchbox to school. It’s only in the last three months that I’ve convinced her to stop making me a packed lunch to take to work (thankfully not in a Danger Mouse lunchbox) and she still thinks fish fingers are my favourite food. Now, I’m not dissing fish fingers. They’re a fine food and nothing cures a hangover quite like a fish finger sandwich, but my tastes have broadened since I gave up the white frilly ankle socks. Ben used to take me to a seafood restaurant in town while we were together and there isn’t much I wouldn’t do for a lobster roll.
‘How was work, love?’ Mum asks as I flop down at the kitchen table. I haven’t even bothered to take my jacket off and my handbag is still slung across my chest.
Rubbish. Work was absolutely ball-achingly rubbish and I’ve felt the urge to stab Katey-Louise in the eye with a sharpened pencil on several occasions. I refrained, obviously, but only just.
‘Like that, is it?’ Mum asks when I simply lift my eyes to meet hers and let out a puff of air. ‘Well, that’s Mondays for you. But it’s over now – the boring bit, at least. Are you off out with your gentleman friend again tonight?’
I’d stupidly told Mum about my date with Dan, though I hadn’t revealed any of the gory details.
‘No, not tonight.’ Not ever.
‘Never mind. You’re getting back out there again and that’s the main thing.’ Mum flicks on the kettle and starts to arrange cups on the counter, dropping in teabags and spooning coffee and sugar accordingly. ‘It’ll do you good to date new people. It’s been a while since you and Ben broke up.’
Before he dumped me, she
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