The Wine of Youth by John Fante

I felt just grand. I started whistling hymns like I always do after Confession. I had it all figured out about the five-dollar pen. I would keep it. I wouldtell my mother I found it. It was a lie, but a lie is only a venial sin. You do not go to Hell if you have a venial sin on your soul. You go to Purgatory. Then you go to Heaven. Some day I will pay old Drake for it. I will do it when I get bigger. I bet Bill Shafer never pays for his.
    IV
    Bill Shafer used to chew gum before Communion. He sure thought he was tough. He sure thought he was smart. When you go to Communion you cannot eat or drink anything that is food or drink after midnight. You must fast. Bill used to come around to us guys before Communion and pop gum in our ears. He sure thought he was smart.
    Sister caught him doing it, and she made him spit it out. It sure was keen, the way she told him to spit. He spit, and all of us guys laughed right out loud. We were in church too, only we were in the vestibule. Bill sure thought he was tough. We did not laugh like it was real funny. We laughed different, so Bill would sort of feel cheap.
    We laughed like this: “He he he he.”
    Bill said: “Hey, Sister, how come? Gum is not food or drink.”
    Sister said: “Gum has sugar in it.”
    We sure got a big kick out of it. Bill sure thought he was smart. He sure felt cheap.
    The next day he did it again before Communion. I mean he popped his gum. He sure thought he was tough.
    One of the guys snitched on him. I know who it was, but I am not going to snitch on him just because he snitched on Bill. I am not a snitch baby.
    Sister pretty near ran to where Bill was standing. He was standing there popping. She got a hold of his hair and jerked him around and said: “Spit it out! Spit it out!”
    Bill said: “Hey, Sister! No sugar in this gum. This is old gum. I been saving it.”
    Sister said: “Say, young man, I have had enough of this. You must not dare go to Holy Communion this morning. The veryidea! Young man, I want you to see Father Andrew right after Mass.”
    In the afternoon, in Catechism class, Sister sat right up in front of Bill and told him right out, right in front of us guys. She said what she thought of a boy who chewed gum before Communion. Gosh, she sure sailed in! Old Bill was sure sore. Sister said a guy who will do that must come from a funny home. I guess Sister is right, because I saw Bill’s mother chew gum a lot. She is sure keen-looking. I mean Bill’s mother. Not Sister. Sister is goofy-looking.
    Then Sister told us a whole gob of stories about smart guys like Bill. She told us how they tried to be smart aleck with our Lord, and how He fixed them. He sure got even good and proper.
    Sister said there was once another smart aleck like Bill who used to go to Communion every day. He went so many times that he got used to it, and pretty soon he started to be disrespectful. One morning he thought he would do something. Oh, yes, he thought he was smart. He was going to do something real swell. He was going to take the Sacred Host out of his mouth after he received, and then take it home. So he went to Communion.
    He did what he said he was going to do. When he came back from the altar, he put the Sacred Host in a dirty handkerchief. It was awful. I can hardly think about a guy who would do any such thing. But our Lord sure fixed him good and proper.
    When this rotten guy got home, he took out his handkerchief, and for gosh sakes, was he scared! His handkerchief was all bloody. Our Lord’s blood was all in it!
    When the guy saw this, he fell on his knees and asked God to forgive him, for God’s sake. Then he got up and went away and became a priest. He was so holy they made him a bishop. He is one now. He is back east some place.
    Old Bill kept saying: “Bull! bull! bull!” He sure thought he was smart. He took out his handkerchief and played like he was looking for blood. He sure thought he was