it back home I
was a frazzled mess, the boys had been fed and watered though the kitchen was a
fucking mess, too bad I didn't do that cleaning shit. They sauntered in with a
mountain of shopping bags grinning and chatting up a storm like they hadn't
left me in kiddie hell all morning.
"Hey hubs how was it?"
"I sold the little fucks Anna
that's how my days was."
"Har har very funny."
"Did you know that at least two
of our sons are going to be juvenile delinquents? I'd get started on bail money
from now and at least one of them is a con artist."
"That'll be my Jonathan, poor
little tyke he's got middle child syndrome."
"No he's the criminal mastermind
even Russell follows his orders and he's older."
"Left anything in the stores
ladies?" I snooped in their bags; I really didn't give a fuck what they
bought or how much of it they bought as long as they were happy that's all that
mattered.
"Oh hush we hardly bought
anything at all."
I'm married to nuts; twenty fucking
shopping bags easy but they hardly bought anything okay sure.
"Daddy look."
My little princess bounced over to me
and the first thing I noticed was how shiny her hair was; they'd done some shit
to it who knows. It's when she held out her little hand and tried to lift the
matching leg that I knew there was going to be trouble. I looked at her mothers
who all seemed to be holding their breaths, as well they should.
I got a juice box from the
refrigerator and sent my daughter off to play with her dolls like any three
year old should be doing. Once I was certain that she was out of earshot I
turned back to the room. I'm sure by now they could see the stone cold fury on
my face but just in case they missed that shit.
"What in the fuck did you do to
my daughter?"
"Brad calm down."
"No Marcy I will not calm the
fuck down, why is my three year old daughter wearing fucking nail polish?"
"It's a girl thing Brad it's
nothing bad all little girls like to paint their nails.” Janine tried soothing
my temper.
"Not mine, she's three fucking
years old, what's it going to be next lipstick? The fuck!"
"Geez get out of the stone ages
Fred Flintstone it's just a little paint it's not like we're dressing her in
string bikinis and parading her on a stage or something.” Anna always has to
stir the fucking pot.
"Yeah and I'm gonna make sure
she doesn't ever end up there; get it off."
"Brad..."
"Off Janine."
She pouted and glared at me, yeah I
gave a fuck, not in this lifetime and not when it comes to my kid.
"She's going to be so
disappointed and after she had such a nice time too."
"Too bad she's not wearing that
shit until she's eighteen or older."
"You can't be serious."
"Anna what the fuck, get it off
I don't care how upset she is you're the adults you should've thought this shit
through; how could you not know that this shit was not okay with me? What the
fuck happened to the build a doll or build a bear or whatever the fuck that she
likes so much you couldn't just do that?"
I didn't wait around for an answer
just left them there muttering under their breaths like I gave a shit. What
three-year-old needed nail polish for fucks sake?
The house was like a war zone for the
rest of the day, permafrost prevailed as the three of them banded together
against stuffy old me, yeah I gave a fuck; they knew me better than that or
they should by now. Shit I barely let them get away with certain things so I
don't see how between the three of them they could think that I would be okay
with my three year old little girl getting that shit done.
Dinner was a trial, I ignored them
and talked to the kids, Chelsea didn't seem any worse for wear with her new
bare nails; she still crawled into daddy's lap for her raspberry kisses so I
was good.
I left the witches of East wick to do
KP and headed to the bathroom to get the kids' baths started, I'd do the older
boys since I just threw them all in the tub together with every rubber toy in
the Western Hemisphere. A few
was a frazzled mess, the boys had been fed and watered though the kitchen was a
fucking mess, too bad I didn't do that cleaning shit. They sauntered in with a
mountain of shopping bags grinning and chatting up a storm like they hadn't
left me in kiddie hell all morning.
"Hey hubs how was it?"
"I sold the little fucks Anna
that's how my days was."
"Har har very funny."
"Did you know that at least two
of our sons are going to be juvenile delinquents? I'd get started on bail money
from now and at least one of them is a con artist."
"That'll be my Jonathan, poor
little tyke he's got middle child syndrome."
"No he's the criminal mastermind
even Russell follows his orders and he's older."
"Left anything in the stores
ladies?" I snooped in their bags; I really didn't give a fuck what they
bought or how much of it they bought as long as they were happy that's all that
mattered.
"Oh hush we hardly bought
anything at all."
I'm married to nuts; twenty fucking
shopping bags easy but they hardly bought anything okay sure.
"Daddy look."
My little princess bounced over to me
and the first thing I noticed was how shiny her hair was; they'd done some shit
to it who knows. It's when she held out her little hand and tried to lift the
matching leg that I knew there was going to be trouble. I looked at her mothers
who all seemed to be holding their breaths, as well they should.
I got a juice box from the
refrigerator and sent my daughter off to play with her dolls like any three
year old should be doing. Once I was certain that she was out of earshot I
turned back to the room. I'm sure by now they could see the stone cold fury on
my face but just in case they missed that shit.
"What in the fuck did you do to
my daughter?"
"Brad calm down."
"No Marcy I will not calm the
fuck down, why is my three year old daughter wearing fucking nail polish?"
"It's a girl thing Brad it's
nothing bad all little girls like to paint their nails.” Janine tried soothing
my temper.
"Not mine, she's three fucking
years old, what's it going to be next lipstick? The fuck!"
"Geez get out of the stone ages
Fred Flintstone it's just a little paint it's not like we're dressing her in
string bikinis and parading her on a stage or something.” Anna always has to
stir the fucking pot.
"Yeah and I'm gonna make sure
she doesn't ever end up there; get it off."
"Brad..."
"Off Janine."
She pouted and glared at me, yeah I
gave a fuck, not in this lifetime and not when it comes to my kid.
"She's going to be so
disappointed and after she had such a nice time too."
"Too bad she's not wearing that
shit until she's eighteen or older."
"You can't be serious."
"Anna what the fuck, get it off
I don't care how upset she is you're the adults you should've thought this shit
through; how could you not know that this shit was not okay with me? What the
fuck happened to the build a doll or build a bear or whatever the fuck that she
likes so much you couldn't just do that?"
I didn't wait around for an answer
just left them there muttering under their breaths like I gave a shit. What
three-year-old needed nail polish for fucks sake?
The house was like a war zone for the
rest of the day, permafrost prevailed as the three of them banded together
against stuffy old me, yeah I gave a fuck; they knew me better than that or
they should by now. Shit I barely let them get away with certain things so I
don't see how between the three of them they could think that I would be okay
with my three year old little girl getting that shit done.
Dinner was a trial, I ignored them
and talked to the kids, Chelsea didn't seem any worse for wear with her new
bare nails; she still crawled into daddy's lap for her raspberry kisses so I
was good.
I left the witches of East wick to do
KP and headed to the bathroom to get the kids' baths started, I'd do the older
boys since I just threw them all in the tub together with every rubber toy in
the Western Hemisphere. A few
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