Thieving Weasels by Billy Taylor

do it later?”
    â€œOh. Okay, sure. I just thought you might want to check your e-mail
now
.” Then after a dramatic pause added, “But maybe you’re not that interested in the Possibility of Expulsion.”
    â€œThe Possibility of Expulsion?” I said, unlocking my Mustang. “Give me ten minutes.”
    â€œGreat! And don’t worry about your phone.”
    â€œWhy?”
    â€œYou’ll see,” she said, and hung up.
    The Possibility of Expulsion
was our secret code for the next stage of our relationship. According to the Wheaton handbook, students caught having sex were subject to all sorts of disciplinary measures, including “the Possibility of Expulsion.” Unlike drugs and alcohol, I would have happily risked expulsion to spend the night with Claire. Unfortunately, between her adenoidal roommate, my insanely attentive housemaster, and the stacks at the Stokes Library being closed for renovation, the opportunity had not presented itself.
    I pulled out of the Walgreens parking lot and raced to the nearest public library with the possibilities of expulsion dancing in my head. As happy as I was that Clairehad almost finished her essay, part of me was jealous that she had banged it out so quickly. But that was Claire. It didn’t matter what the class or assignment, she always put in half the effort and got twice the results. This used to drive me crazy until I’d learned to tolerate it in the same selfless manner I’d learned to tolerate her brains, beauty, and charm.
    I fast-talked my way onto an unoccupied computer and clicked on Claire’s e-mail, but instead of finding her essay there was an invitation to something called Claire’s Christmas Extravaganza.
    â€œSurprise!” she said when I called her back.
    â€œWhat is this?” I asked.
    â€œRemember when I told you my parents were leaving for Virgin Gorda right after we opened presents on Christmas morning?”
    â€œYeah.”
    â€œI’d planned on spending the week between Christmas and New Year’s working on my essay, but now that it’s practically finished I decided to throw a party in your honor. I invited all my old friends, and they can’t wait to meet you.”
    â€œSounds great, but I’d still like to read your essay.”
    â€œDon’t worry. You can read it when you get here.”
    My e-mail pinged, and a message from the Wheaton Financial Aid Office appeared in my in-box. I clicked on the link, and a very real possibility of expulsion appeared on the screen:
    Dear Cameron,
    It has come to our attention that you failed to disclose a significant amount of income on your financial aid form this year. If there’s a reasonable explanation for this oversight, please contact our office immediately. Otherwise, we will be forced to rescind your scholarship for the remainder of the academic year.
    Yours truly,
Dean Bell
Director of Financial Aid
    I stared at the computer and began to shake. Accepted or not, my admittance to Princeton was contingent on completing my last semester at Wheaton.
A reasonable explanation for this oversight?
Of course there was. Uncle Wonderful knew a guy, who knew a guy, who hacked into Wheaton’s computers and did something to my account. And now that I thought about it, he had probably done the same thing to my phone. I stared out the library window and wondered why, out of all the families in the world, I had been born into mine. Was I simply unlucky, or was there something more nefarious at work? Maybe the father I never knew stole a valuable trinket from the gods, and I was doomed to suffer for the rest of my days. It was as good an explanation as any.
    Claire asked me a question, and I snapped back to reality.
    â€œWhat was that?” I replied.
    â€œI said, ‘Do you want me to send you the train schedule to Saratoga?’”
    â€œUh, sure. That would be great.”
    â€œAre you all right?” she