Thieving Weasels by Billy Taylor Page B

mouth and pulled out his teeth. Uncle Wonderful had always been vain about his looks, and the slicked-back hair, golf-pro image he’d been cultivating since I was a kid looked totally ridiculous without teeth.
    â€œYuck,” I said, turning away. “Do you have to do that right at the table?”
    He placed the teeth on a saucer and said, “What’s the matter? Haven’t you ever seen a pair of falsies before?”
    â€œNot on you.”
    â€œGet used to them, kiddo, because they’re a permanent part of my life from now on.”
    â€œWhat happened to your old ones?”
    â€œNothing special. I always had lousy teeth, and when I figured out a way to get the Veteran’s Administration to pay for them I figured it was time for an upgrade.”
    â€œBut you’re not a veteran,” I said.
    â€œA mere detail,” Uncle Wonderful said with a smile. “They had to make three sets, the incompetent jerks, but this pair fits like a glove. The only problem is I haven’t gotten used to wearing them while eating.”
    â€œWhat did you do with the other two pairs?” I asked.
    â€œI keep them for backup in case something happens to these. Now back to the business at hand.” He shoveled a spoonful of mushy biscotti into his mouth and said, “Maybe I didn’t explain myself properly a minute ago, so let me say it differently. You help Roy with this job, and I’ll make sure that problem with your scholarship goes away.”
    â€œWhat about Vinny? I thought he was Roy’s partner.”
    â€œVinny’s good people, but this job requires a little more finesse than Vinny’s capable of.” He picked up his teeth and gun and said, “Think about it for a minute. I gotta wash these things off and apply more adhesive.”
    â€œTo the dentures or the gun?” I asked with a grin.
    â€œDon’t be a wisenheimer.”
    He walked away, and I looked around the kitchen. Despite the fact that I wanted to murder Uncle Wonderful, I had nothing but fond memories of this house and eating Sunday dinner there with Aunt Marie and Grandpa Patsy. It was one of the few permanent things in my life.
    As was my family’s nonsense.
    I grabbed a biscotti from the package and weighed my options. There were two, as far as I could tell: I could say yes to Uncle Wonderful’s offer and go back to school and a life of infinite possibilities. Or I could say no, and . . .
    And
what
? Live on the streets? Sleep in a cardboard box?
    My choices were limited, and they both stank. I racked my brain trying to think of an alternative, but there wasn’t one. I had to take Roy’s job, and my only wiggle room was in the details.
    Uncle Wonderful reappeared with his teeth back where they were supposed to be and sat down at the table.
    â€œSo?” he asked. “What’s it gonna be?”
    â€œI’ll do it.”
    â€œGood.”
    Then I held up a finger and said, “After I hear about the job.”
    â€œIt’s Roy’s deal. He’ll fill you in on the details.”
    â€œOkay, but just remember. I’m strictly backup on this. I’ll drive, do recon, make phone calls. I’ll do whatever it takes as long as no one outside the family knows I’m involved.”
    Uncle Wonderful nodded. “Sounds good to me.”
    â€œSo what’s my cut?”
    â€œYour cut? Your cut is I don’t break your arms for stealing Grandpa Patsy’s money.”
    â€œGrandpa Patsy’s money?” I replied with an innocence I’d been rehearsing for the last four years. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
    â€œSave it. We opened Grandpa Patsy’s storage locker after the funeral, and it was empty. You were the only one besides me and your mother who knew where it was.”
    I looked him in the eye. “Did you ask her if she stole it?”
    â€œOf course I