Things No One Will Tell Fat Girls by Jes Baker Page A

their bodies for the foreseeable future. Say that we fight hard enough and normalize fat bodies. When/if we do, there will be another “you must become” that will sweep in and take its place. What this tells me is that believing that feeling “beautiful” (even our redefined version of it) can’t be the totalistic goal of our body journey. The start? Sure! But not the end goal. We must also come to appreciate our bodies for what they are and do, come to peace with them as a whole, and love them so we can love others.
    Now when I explain this to women, many are concerned about their urges to engage in traditional rituals that are directly connectedto our “beauty ideal. They often ask me: “But what about wearing lipstick? Is that bad?”
    Here’s my personal opinion: We will always be influenced by the culture we grew up in. It’s inevitable, and I don’t think it’s totally a bad thing. What’s important is that we are conscious of this fact, cognizant of what that means, and aware that we have options outside of the norm. When we know these things, we are then able to make the very personal decision of what feels good to US.
    There is a concept taught by a “professional tidier,” named Marie Kondo, (yep, that’s a thing) where she asks everyone to go through their houses and pick up each object. While holding each one, she challenges them, ask yourself one question along the lines of : Does this bring me joy? If the answer is yes, keep it. If no, discard it.
    This also applies to the beauty standards we were raised with. I’m going to challenge you to mentally pick up each rule that you’ve been taught and ask yourself: Does this bring me joy?
    For me? LIPSTICK BRINGS ME JOY. Especially the “fuck you” shades of red. Does dieting in pursuit of skinny bring me joy? No. It destroys my soul and will to live. Well, okay then. DISCARD. Dresses? Yes, so much joy. Tanning? No. Shaving my legs? Yes. Stilettos? No.
    Your turn.
    The most important thing is that you know how these beauty standards came about. That you know they were created by wealthy men in smoke-filled offices more than fifty years ago for monetary gain and control. That our hatred (which is fundamentally fear) of bodies that look different is learned . That the majority of photos are altered and impossible to achieve. That your level of engagement or disengagement in regard to “pretty” is up to you, and, no matter what you choose, it doesn’t have any effect on your worthiness. That we have become so extreme in our adoption of “the beauty myth” we forget that we hate ourselves for not living up to a standard that does. Not. Exist.
    Lord, help us all.

guest essay guest essay
    WEIGHTING TO BE SEEN: RACE, INVISIBILITY, AND BODY POSITIVITY
    SONYA RENEE TAYLOR OF THE BODY IS NOT AN APOLOGY
    M y best friend Denise Jolly stood on a subway train and disrobed, revealing all 311 pounds of her formerly hidden body in a black bra and panties. This was the culmination of a thirty-day journey in which she took photos of herself in various states of partial nudity at home and in her community. She called it the Be Beautiful project. The extent of her nakedness in the photos was no more than what we might see on Victoria’s Secret commercials or in beer ads, and yet it was revolutionary. In a society that tells us anyone with a body like hers is unworthy of being seen, let alone being loved, her work was a reminder to herself and others that “the active practice of loving myself exactly as I am is radical self-love.” The photos were bold and powerful, and I asked her to capture her journey in an essay for The Body Is Not An Apology (TBINAA), a radical self-love and body-empowerment movement I founded four years ago.
    The day after Denise’s blog post was published, the story went viral. Denise was contacted by The Huffington Post , Yahoo! , Inside Edition ,