it can do this, as any definition of ‘aphorism’ it has in its permanents is certain to be quite abstract. But I have hopes. However, I told it firmly: No editing.”
“Well. ‘The astounding thing about a waltzing bear is not how gracefully it waltzes but that it waltzes at all.’ Not me, some other bloke; I’m quoting. Let’s see what it has.”
Weatheral gestured; the shorter technician hurried to the machine, pulled a copy for each of them, fetched them back.
Lazarus looked his copy over. “Mmmm…yes. That next one isn’t true—just a wisecrack. Must reword the third one a little. Hey! It put a question mark after this one. What an impudent piece of junk; I checked that one out centuries before it was anything but unmined ore. Well, at least it didn’t try to revise it. Don’t recall saying that , but it’s true and I durned near got killed learning it.”
Lazarus looked up from the printout copy. “Okay, Son. If you want this stuff on record, I don’t mind. As long as I am allowed to check and revise it…for I don’t want my words to be taken as Gospel unless I have a chance to winnow out the casual nonsense. Which I am just as capable of voicing as the next man.”
“Certainly, sir. Nothing will go into the records without your approval. Unless you choose to use that switch…in which case any unedited remarks you have left behind I will have to try to edit myself. That’s the best I can do.”
“Trying to trap me, huh? Hmm—Ira, suppose I offer you a Scheherazade deal in reverse.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Is Scheherazade lost at last? Did Sir Richard Burton live in vain?”
“Oh, no, sir! I have read The Thousand Nights and a Night in the Burton original…and her stories have come down through the centuries, changed again and again to make them understandable to new generations—but with, I think, the flavor retained. I simply do not understand what you are proposing.”
“I see. You told me that talking with me is the most important thing you have to do.”
“It is.”
“I wonder. If you mean that, then you will be here every day to keep me company—and chat. For I’m not going to bother babbling to your machine no matter how smart it is.”
“Lazarus, I will be not only honored but much pleased to be allowed to keep you company as long as you will let me.”
“We’ll see. When a man makes a sweeping statement, he often has mental reservations. I mean every day. Son, and all day. And you —not a deputy. Show up two hours after breakfast, say, and stay till I send you home. But any day you miss—Well, if it’s so urgent you just have to miss, phone your excuses and send over a pretty girl to visit me. One who speaks Classic English but has sense enough to listen instead—as an old fool will often talk to a pretty girl who just bats her lashes at him and looks impressed. If she pleases me, I might let her stay. Or I might be so petulant that I would send her away and use that switch you promised to have reinstalled. But I won’t suicide in the presence of a guest; that’s rude. Understand me?”
“I think I do,” Ira Weatheral answered slowly. “You’ll be both Scheherazade and King Shahryar, and I’ll be—no, that’s not right; I am the one who has to keep it going for a thousand nights—I mean ‘days’—and if I miss—but I won’t!—you are free to—”
“Don’t push an analogy too far,” Lazarus advised. “I’m simply calling your bluff. If my maunderings are as all-fired important to you as you claim, then you’ll show up and listen. You can skip once, or even twice, if the girl is pretty enough and knows how to tickle my vanity—of which I have plenty—just right. But if you skip too often, I’ll know you’re bored and the deal is off. I’m betting that your patience will wear out long before any thousand days and a day have passed—whereas I do know how to be patient, for year after year if necessary; that’s a prime reason
“Well. ‘The astounding thing about a waltzing bear is not how gracefully it waltzes but that it waltzes at all.’ Not me, some other bloke; I’m quoting. Let’s see what it has.”
Weatheral gestured; the shorter technician hurried to the machine, pulled a copy for each of them, fetched them back.
Lazarus looked his copy over. “Mmmm…yes. That next one isn’t true—just a wisecrack. Must reword the third one a little. Hey! It put a question mark after this one. What an impudent piece of junk; I checked that one out centuries before it was anything but unmined ore. Well, at least it didn’t try to revise it. Don’t recall saying that , but it’s true and I durned near got killed learning it.”
Lazarus looked up from the printout copy. “Okay, Son. If you want this stuff on record, I don’t mind. As long as I am allowed to check and revise it…for I don’t want my words to be taken as Gospel unless I have a chance to winnow out the casual nonsense. Which I am just as capable of voicing as the next man.”
“Certainly, sir. Nothing will go into the records without your approval. Unless you choose to use that switch…in which case any unedited remarks you have left behind I will have to try to edit myself. That’s the best I can do.”
“Trying to trap me, huh? Hmm—Ira, suppose I offer you a Scheherazade deal in reverse.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Is Scheherazade lost at last? Did Sir Richard Burton live in vain?”
“Oh, no, sir! I have read The Thousand Nights and a Night in the Burton original…and her stories have come down through the centuries, changed again and again to make them understandable to new generations—but with, I think, the flavor retained. I simply do not understand what you are proposing.”
“I see. You told me that talking with me is the most important thing you have to do.”
“It is.”
“I wonder. If you mean that, then you will be here every day to keep me company—and chat. For I’m not going to bother babbling to your machine no matter how smart it is.”
“Lazarus, I will be not only honored but much pleased to be allowed to keep you company as long as you will let me.”
“We’ll see. When a man makes a sweeping statement, he often has mental reservations. I mean every day. Son, and all day. And you —not a deputy. Show up two hours after breakfast, say, and stay till I send you home. But any day you miss—Well, if it’s so urgent you just have to miss, phone your excuses and send over a pretty girl to visit me. One who speaks Classic English but has sense enough to listen instead—as an old fool will often talk to a pretty girl who just bats her lashes at him and looks impressed. If she pleases me, I might let her stay. Or I might be so petulant that I would send her away and use that switch you promised to have reinstalled. But I won’t suicide in the presence of a guest; that’s rude. Understand me?”
“I think I do,” Ira Weatheral answered slowly. “You’ll be both Scheherazade and King Shahryar, and I’ll be—no, that’s not right; I am the one who has to keep it going for a thousand nights—I mean ‘days’—and if I miss—but I won’t!—you are free to—”
“Don’t push an analogy too far,” Lazarus advised. “I’m simply calling your bluff. If my maunderings are as all-fired important to you as you claim, then you’ll show up and listen. You can skip once, or even twice, if the girl is pretty enough and knows how to tickle my vanity—of which I have plenty—just right. But if you skip too often, I’ll know you’re bored and the deal is off. I’m betting that your patience will wear out long before any thousand days and a day have passed—whereas I do know how to be patient, for year after year if necessary; that’s a prime reason
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