Toxic People: Decontaminate Difficult People at Work Without Using Weapons or Duct Tape by Marsha Petrie Sue Page A
Authors: Marsha Petrie Sue
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because Frank did have excellent knowledge and understood what was needed to satisfy the client.
Before the client had a chance to do anything, Polly chimed in and said, “I know how important it is for you to have an expert on this account. We developed a new policy that there is always a second expert in the wings for all of our clients. I have been shadowing Frank and understand most of the issues that need to be addressed.” The customer was a bit surprised, but pleased, and offered, “I can fill you in on the other details, and we can move forward.” Polly then said, “Frank, I know you don’t mind, because you are really overloaded with work. We will talk about this later.” Frank was put on notice for his poor choice of words in front of the client and was later fired.
Decontaminating Toxic People is all about leadership, setting rules, having consequences for inappropriate behavior, and taking care of problems as quickly as possible. Don’t let the Know-It-All get you down. Use these skills to do away with the annoying behaviors of the Know-It-All.
Chapter 7 - The Needy Weenie
Take 1: How They Sound
Margaret was a high-maintenance team member, but her demands were presented in the form of questions and requests for help. She said yes too much and would wind up being overwhelmed. She committed to more than she could possibly handle, so deadlines were often missed.
Her strong need to be involved and to be accepted by everyone was the root of her problem. In meetings, her questions were endless and she was always putting herself down, just waiting for others to build her up. She would restate every point, no matter how simple, in detail. The reason was to support her need for reassurance from other people.
In addition, she had a lot of energy—for all the wrong things. She seemed to focus on everything except what was truly important. In planning the celebration after the completion of a project, for example, Margaret’s agonizing caused the team to spend 20 minutes deciding whether to have a potluck or bring in pizza. Long after heads began to nod, she continued wasting time and spinning her wheels on a decision no one cared about. Something had to be done. Everyone was ready to hang her at high noon!
Names Will Never Hurt Me
People like Margaret are also called agonizers, worrywarts, wimps, vacillators, anxious Annies, and martyrs. They will drive you nuts and make you crazy with their neediness. Their coming back to you repeatedly for validation and help makes you feel like you have a bad rash that just won’t go away!
What to Look For
Needy Weenies hate making choices because everything sounds good to them. They are very agreeable and have a strong need to be liked. They often say yes to requests for time and assistance, but they cannot execute because they simply take on more than any one person could do.
Identify a Needy Weenie by listening for words that stall.
When you hear “I’ll get back with you” or “That sounds good to me; let me think about it,” beware! The most difficult part about dealing with these folks is that they are really nice because of their strong need to be liked. In addition, they are very sensitive and will take everything personally. The very toxic Needy Weenie seems agreeable on the surface, but there is no consistency when things go bad later. When confronted with a failure to produce, they will hide behind statements like, “Oh that’s not really what I meant” or “I said I’d think about it, but I never got back to you so I thought you’d find someone else.” The worst part for a business is they miss deadlines or leave teammates hanging!
The Message the Needy Weenie Sends
You can be hooked into being nice to Needy Weenies because they have been nice to you. You feel you owe it to them to be pleasant.
Pressuring them only means that they may not make any decision at all. When they say yes they mean maybe. You know they will do anything to get you
Before the client had a chance to do anything, Polly chimed in and said, “I know how important it is for you to have an expert on this account. We developed a new policy that there is always a second expert in the wings for all of our clients. I have been shadowing Frank and understand most of the issues that need to be addressed.” The customer was a bit surprised, but pleased, and offered, “I can fill you in on the other details, and we can move forward.” Polly then said, “Frank, I know you don’t mind, because you are really overloaded with work. We will talk about this later.” Frank was put on notice for his poor choice of words in front of the client and was later fired.
Decontaminating Toxic People is all about leadership, setting rules, having consequences for inappropriate behavior, and taking care of problems as quickly as possible. Don’t let the Know-It-All get you down. Use these skills to do away with the annoying behaviors of the Know-It-All.
Chapter 7 - The Needy Weenie
Take 1: How They Sound
Margaret was a high-maintenance team member, but her demands were presented in the form of questions and requests for help. She said yes too much and would wind up being overwhelmed. She committed to more than she could possibly handle, so deadlines were often missed.
Her strong need to be involved and to be accepted by everyone was the root of her problem. In meetings, her questions were endless and she was always putting herself down, just waiting for others to build her up. She would restate every point, no matter how simple, in detail. The reason was to support her need for reassurance from other people.
In addition, she had a lot of energy—for all the wrong things. She seemed to focus on everything except what was truly important. In planning the celebration after the completion of a project, for example, Margaret’s agonizing caused the team to spend 20 minutes deciding whether to have a potluck or bring in pizza. Long after heads began to nod, she continued wasting time and spinning her wheels on a decision no one cared about. Something had to be done. Everyone was ready to hang her at high noon!
Names Will Never Hurt Me
People like Margaret are also called agonizers, worrywarts, wimps, vacillators, anxious Annies, and martyrs. They will drive you nuts and make you crazy with their neediness. Their coming back to you repeatedly for validation and help makes you feel like you have a bad rash that just won’t go away!
What to Look For
Needy Weenies hate making choices because everything sounds good to them. They are very agreeable and have a strong need to be liked. They often say yes to requests for time and assistance, but they cannot execute because they simply take on more than any one person could do.
Identify a Needy Weenie by listening for words that stall.
When you hear “I’ll get back with you” or “That sounds good to me; let me think about it,” beware! The most difficult part about dealing with these folks is that they are really nice because of their strong need to be liked. In addition, they are very sensitive and will take everything personally. The very toxic Needy Weenie seems agreeable on the surface, but there is no consistency when things go bad later. When confronted with a failure to produce, they will hide behind statements like, “Oh that’s not really what I meant” or “I said I’d think about it, but I never got back to you so I thought you’d find someone else.” The worst part for a business is they miss deadlines or leave teammates hanging!
The Message the Needy Weenie Sends
You can be hooked into being nice to Needy Weenies because they have been nice to you. You feel you owe it to them to be pleasant.
Pressuring them only means that they may not make any decision at all. When they say yes they mean maybe. You know they will do anything to get you
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