Toxic People: Decontaminate Difficult People at Work Without Using Weapons or Duct Tape by Marsha Petrie Sue Page B
Authors: Marsha Petrie Sue
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to like them. You also know they’ll want to make you feel guilty if you do anything that’s even remotely critical of them.
The Payoff for the Needy Weenie’s Toxic Behavior
You need to remember the payoffs for the Needy Weenie. They take few risks, have no accountability for results, and therefore feel no need to change. Others like them, at least at first, because Needy Weenies agree to everything and anything.
William had been with the company for more than 20 years. He was running a sales organization that had never made money within the larger conglomerate despite being in an industry where the competition had an average 65 percent profit margin. When questioned by the president, William would divert the conversation and eventually wind up discussing how to schedule a game of golf on the president’s calendar! Early in his career, he had turned into one of the good old boys. Staff and clients loved William because he was so accommodating. He wowed them with lavish parties and assured everyone that their concerns were “right on the top of my list.”
Problems arose when the industry began changing fast. Although William promised the department that “Things will get back to normal and we just need to sit tight,” it didn’t take long for clients, colleagues, and management to discover that his claims were built on shaky ground. His need to be liked led him to overpromise and underdeliver.
Before long, clients left for more reliable supply sources, and eventually the sales group was sold.
Despite these negative results, the leaders of the company kept William on—he was “too nice to let go,” as one executive said.
This is an example of what happens when leadership is weak and needs to surround itself with needy individuals who will flatter and praise. It would be sad if situations like this were rare, but from my conversations with employees at every level, it continues to happen more often than one might think.
Survival Tactics
William’s boss should have made time to clarify the job description and the results expected. Emphasizing the sales orientation of the group, numbers, facts, and results should have been the focus of William’s performance reviews. People like William need to be told the rewards of meeting expectations in specific detail. Then William should be asked, “What should the consequences be if these outcomes are not met?”
I have found that this technique works well because people are always much harder on themselves than you ever will be. Often they will say, “I should be fired!” Then you say, “Let’s get that in writing.” You then document all the reasons for letting them go if they are not doing their job. By the way, this works for many other types, but it is especially effective with the Needy Weenie.
Other tactics that work include reassuring them and their thought processes. Remember, Needy Weenies want to be liked.
Language that works well sounds something like this: “I’m glad you basically agree with my proposal. Every proposal has its weak points. What parts could be improved?”
Help them make tough decisions by having them use a pro/con approach to narrow their choices. You might say, “Let’s make a list of pros and cons to help clarify this.” This is a great approach if there is a stalemate in a project and you can’t get them to make a decision or commit to the process. If you want to meet your deadlines and keep the team functioning, you’d better have the tools to deal with Needy Weenies.
Don’t feel helpless with these people. Learn to dig deep with them, and keep asking open-ended questions. Always include the question, “Is there anything else?” because there probably is a deeper problem. Help them analyze their thinking and identify the barriers that block progress.
What to Say
Watch overcommitment with Needy Weenies—theirs as well as yours. They love saying yes. Be sure you confirm exactly who will be doing what and
The Payoff for the Needy Weenie’s Toxic Behavior
You need to remember the payoffs for the Needy Weenie. They take few risks, have no accountability for results, and therefore feel no need to change. Others like them, at least at first, because Needy Weenies agree to everything and anything.
William had been with the company for more than 20 years. He was running a sales organization that had never made money within the larger conglomerate despite being in an industry where the competition had an average 65 percent profit margin. When questioned by the president, William would divert the conversation and eventually wind up discussing how to schedule a game of golf on the president’s calendar! Early in his career, he had turned into one of the good old boys. Staff and clients loved William because he was so accommodating. He wowed them with lavish parties and assured everyone that their concerns were “right on the top of my list.”
Problems arose when the industry began changing fast. Although William promised the department that “Things will get back to normal and we just need to sit tight,” it didn’t take long for clients, colleagues, and management to discover that his claims were built on shaky ground. His need to be liked led him to overpromise and underdeliver.
Before long, clients left for more reliable supply sources, and eventually the sales group was sold.
Despite these negative results, the leaders of the company kept William on—he was “too nice to let go,” as one executive said.
This is an example of what happens when leadership is weak and needs to surround itself with needy individuals who will flatter and praise. It would be sad if situations like this were rare, but from my conversations with employees at every level, it continues to happen more often than one might think.
Survival Tactics
William’s boss should have made time to clarify the job description and the results expected. Emphasizing the sales orientation of the group, numbers, facts, and results should have been the focus of William’s performance reviews. People like William need to be told the rewards of meeting expectations in specific detail. Then William should be asked, “What should the consequences be if these outcomes are not met?”
I have found that this technique works well because people are always much harder on themselves than you ever will be. Often they will say, “I should be fired!” Then you say, “Let’s get that in writing.” You then document all the reasons for letting them go if they are not doing their job. By the way, this works for many other types, but it is especially effective with the Needy Weenie.
Other tactics that work include reassuring them and their thought processes. Remember, Needy Weenies want to be liked.
Language that works well sounds something like this: “I’m glad you basically agree with my proposal. Every proposal has its weak points. What parts could be improved?”
Help them make tough decisions by having them use a pro/con approach to narrow their choices. You might say, “Let’s make a list of pros and cons to help clarify this.” This is a great approach if there is a stalemate in a project and you can’t get them to make a decision or commit to the process. If you want to meet your deadlines and keep the team functioning, you’d better have the tools to deal with Needy Weenies.
Don’t feel helpless with these people. Learn to dig deep with them, and keep asking open-ended questions. Always include the question, “Is there anything else?” because there probably is a deeper problem. Help them analyze their thinking and identify the barriers that block progress.
What to Say
Watch overcommitment with Needy Weenies—theirs as well as yours. They love saying yes. Be sure you confirm exactly who will be doing what and
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