the bus stop to my apartment, remembering our earlier encounter. The human brain and heart were traitorous; the duality of being angry with a person and also having passionate feelings were confusing. Foolishly, I believed I had a passionate and committed love with Matt. I was a good person, a loving daughter, and an attentive friend, but I felt cheated out of true love.
I arrived at my apartment. The bouquet was gone. I opened my mail box loaded with mail. I once joked with Matt I should just have my mail forwarded to his apartment because I spent so much time there, and he agreed, in earnest. I quickly perused the contents, thankfully lacking bills and filled with junk. Because I didn’t have the Inn anymore and Matt wouldn’t be purchasing incidentals for me, I needed a part time job.
When I entered my little studio, I had a mixed response to the tiny room. I was happy to be in my own space, but it felt incredibly small and lonely. Matt’s apartment was spacious with beautiful light streaming in. For the last few weeks, it was magical to look out and see all the activity on the water. You could see the heat rising in the brightly lit sky. I loved to see people on their roof tops and balconies reading, sunbathing, or entertaining guests. I felt at home in his apartment. I’d cook us dinner and we’d eat side by side on the counter, talking about our families, friends, or work. Best of all, he was there for me. I enjoyed my time with him, spending time as a loving couple. He’d always treated me as an equal partner in his home. Until the day I confronted him with the truth he’d been hiding, we’d never argued.
I put my frizzy hair up in a bun. The weather was fine when I left earlier, but by the afternoon, the humidity was oppressive. I threw my romper in the hamper and my shoes in the armoire. I took another long, tepid shower to wash away the grit and grime I usually felt after walking and commuting in Boston’s sultry heat. I slipped on a nightgown and fresh undies. The bed looked so inviting I dove in and grabbed the book from the nightstand.
I read and giggled through many passages. Jonah was right. It was a good book. I smiled at the thought, even in my heartbreak, I could still be found attractive by another man. I spent so many years oblivious to how I affected men. Sure, I’d get cat calls, but they were usually older men standing in corners or parks in the old neighborhood. I’d only recently noticed men try to pick me up, specifically the night Matt took me home and claimed me because he was jealous of Eric showing interest.
I refused to stay heart broken. It wasn’t the woman I chose to be when my marriage dissolved, and I didn’t want to suffer after Matt. It took me a long time to get to a place of independence. I decided to take Carson up on the dance date. I picked up the phone and dialed Carson’s cell.
“Hey, Perlz. How are you?”
“Hi, Carse. I have two favors to request.”
“Just two? You know I would give you the world.”
I giggled. “I know you would which is why I’m so pissed you’re gay.” We laughed. “I need to get out of this funk. I’m making moves to do so. I refuse to be a hermit this time around. The best revenge is living well, so I’d like for you to take me to the beach in Rhode Island, please.
“I’d love to take you. I know just the beach. You’d love it and I think my parents could let us use their membership to use the facilities.”
“Yay! Okay. You let me know when. The second request is something I want to do, but I’m not sure I want to do it so soon. I want to go out dancing. I feel like I need a boost in confidence by seeing if I garner any interest from men.”
“Honey, you know you’re beautiful!”
“The thing is Carson, I don’t know for sure. I’ve ignored the way men see me because I haven’t seen it in myself. When my husband no longer saw me as desirable, it really fucked with my self-esteem. But today, I went to the
I arrived at my apartment. The bouquet was gone. I opened my mail box loaded with mail. I once joked with Matt I should just have my mail forwarded to his apartment because I spent so much time there, and he agreed, in earnest. I quickly perused the contents, thankfully lacking bills and filled with junk. Because I didn’t have the Inn anymore and Matt wouldn’t be purchasing incidentals for me, I needed a part time job.
When I entered my little studio, I had a mixed response to the tiny room. I was happy to be in my own space, but it felt incredibly small and lonely. Matt’s apartment was spacious with beautiful light streaming in. For the last few weeks, it was magical to look out and see all the activity on the water. You could see the heat rising in the brightly lit sky. I loved to see people on their roof tops and balconies reading, sunbathing, or entertaining guests. I felt at home in his apartment. I’d cook us dinner and we’d eat side by side on the counter, talking about our families, friends, or work. Best of all, he was there for me. I enjoyed my time with him, spending time as a loving couple. He’d always treated me as an equal partner in his home. Until the day I confronted him with the truth he’d been hiding, we’d never argued.
I put my frizzy hair up in a bun. The weather was fine when I left earlier, but by the afternoon, the humidity was oppressive. I threw my romper in the hamper and my shoes in the armoire. I took another long, tepid shower to wash away the grit and grime I usually felt after walking and commuting in Boston’s sultry heat. I slipped on a nightgown and fresh undies. The bed looked so inviting I dove in and grabbed the book from the nightstand.
I read and giggled through many passages. Jonah was right. It was a good book. I smiled at the thought, even in my heartbreak, I could still be found attractive by another man. I spent so many years oblivious to how I affected men. Sure, I’d get cat calls, but they were usually older men standing in corners or parks in the old neighborhood. I’d only recently noticed men try to pick me up, specifically the night Matt took me home and claimed me because he was jealous of Eric showing interest.
I refused to stay heart broken. It wasn’t the woman I chose to be when my marriage dissolved, and I didn’t want to suffer after Matt. It took me a long time to get to a place of independence. I decided to take Carson up on the dance date. I picked up the phone and dialed Carson’s cell.
“Hey, Perlz. How are you?”
“Hi, Carse. I have two favors to request.”
“Just two? You know I would give you the world.”
I giggled. “I know you would which is why I’m so pissed you’re gay.” We laughed. “I need to get out of this funk. I’m making moves to do so. I refuse to be a hermit this time around. The best revenge is living well, so I’d like for you to take me to the beach in Rhode Island, please.
“I’d love to take you. I know just the beach. You’d love it and I think my parents could let us use their membership to use the facilities.”
“Yay! Okay. You let me know when. The second request is something I want to do, but I’m not sure I want to do it so soon. I want to go out dancing. I feel like I need a boost in confidence by seeing if I garner any interest from men.”
“Honey, you know you’re beautiful!”
“The thing is Carson, I don’t know for sure. I’ve ignored the way men see me because I haven’t seen it in myself. When my husband no longer saw me as desirable, it really fucked with my self-esteem. But today, I went to the
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